Happy Trails

by Eliot Wilder

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1.
I am crude I am grotesque My words skid along, long, long In a clumsy arabesque I'm a bull in a China shop My muscles slither out my tank top Hey diddle, diddle The dog and the piddle I am boom, boom, boom I am hunger I am appetite I am hot, hot, hot as burning anthracite I am desire, I am rage C'mon and bust that lock Lemme out of my cage Hey diddle, diddle The dog and the piddle I am desire I am lust I leave my enemies nonplussed I am avarice I am intoxication I am the trend that sweeps the nation Hey diddle, diddle The dog and the piddle
2.
We had a ball, we had a blast We had the time of our lives We kicked some teeth We kicked some ass We traded all of our wives We acted badly, we acted madly We were hell on wheels We made mayhem, we mixed it up We went head over heels Ha-ha-ha, ho-ho-ho And a couple of la-di-das Remember when we had a cow Ha-ha-ha, ho-ho-ho And a couple of tra-la-las It's not so funny now We wrote some songs We made a band We went out rocking the town We worked so hard We worked so rough Nothing would keep us down Who'd a thunk we'd never make it Never get a record deal There's no way we'd believe it The thought was simply surreal What's that, are you crying Are those tears in your eyes I don't get it, I don't get what went wrong It came as a great big surprise We screwed up We burned out We never broke on through You got a life, I got a life No big whoop-de-do I got old, you got old You were the first to pass When I look back, just gotta laugh Gotta say that it's a gas
3.
All Join In 03:07
When you can't get nothing done And you think you got no chance to win Just get yourself in sync We can work it out if we all join in If you always tell the truth And are faithful as Rin Tin Tin You can save the world We can work it out if we all join in You can live out all your dreams And solve all your woes You can laugh and be happy From your head down to your toes It's as a simple as can be Just love all your kith and kin That's all you need to do We can work it out if we all join in When you're feeling down and blue Less mighty than the Mighty Quinn Put a smile on your face We can work it out if we all join in When you think you've lost all hope And no ones cares just where you've been Don't let it get you down We can work it out if we all join in If you do a do-si-do Or a simple pirouette You'll wind up on your feet That's as certain as the surest bets Raise yourself a toast With the slowest of the slowest gin It's gonna be alright We can work it out if we all join in Hit it! When you don't know where you're going And you don't know where you been Just take a look around We can work it out if we all join in When you think you've hit the bottom The has-est of all has-beens Just take a tiny step We can work it out if we all join in When you think you've lost your way And the road ahead is dark Take a leap outside yourself Do it on a lark Don't be so afraid Your skin really ain't all that thin As long as we're alive We can work it out if we all join in
4.
From where I sit at my tiny desk From where I sit I see too much And if it looks like I am hiding out It's only 'cause it hurts It hurts to touch But you can help me If you have the strength If you go that extra length Here is my plea Take all of me Give me something to hold on to Is it really so hard For you to drop your guard Give me something to hold on to You seem to think I sit I sit above I somehow sit above the fray But you got it wrong I'm so deep down in it It's written in my DNA But you can save me Save me from this hell Drag from the bottom of this well I'm not looking for trouble Just looking for love Just a little help from above From where I sit in this big old world From where I sit it hurts in my bone Let me tell you how much I feel it It don't ever leave me alone But you can lift me You can lift me high We can make love in the sky
5.
Our Dance 05:18
This is our dance It once served us well Now it's a weak old move It feels like hell Who is leading Can't tell no more Wanna wrench myself away And get down on the floor This is our dance Got a tired old groove This is our dance Time to move, time to move This is our dance I swear, I swear Wanna find another partner And start a whole new affair We must love it We do it every day But we're not in sync no more As we sashay down old Broadway I feel a yearning Don't you feel that way too Don't you feel trapped Don't you long for something new Could do a rumba Could do some jerkin' Could do a merengue Could do some twerkin' Could do a quickstep Could do a quadrille Could do a polka Could do a reel Do you see me Do I see you We're standing side by side But we are slightly skew Can't feel my body Can't catch my breath But we keep on keeping on In a slow dance to our death
6.
Siren 04:09
There is a sound coming in On a strange frequency I hear it screaming It is screaming to me It says, Who in hell do you think you are What’s that sound vibrating from that whammy bar It’s scrapes and squeals It ravages and peals It is ringing It is roaring I is hissing It is buzzing Like a siren wails Like a siren wails There is a sound coming in On a strange frequency It cuts right through my skull Like a machete And lightning shoots out of my eyes Tossing diamonds across the skies It roars and screeches It stings and bleaches It is ringing It is roaring I is hissing It is buzzing Like a siren wails Like a siren wails There is a sound coming in On a strange frequency It is static But it lights up like a marquee It shouts, You will never turn this down This will be the only sound It burns and screams It haunts all your dreams It is ringing It is roaring I is hissing It is buzzing Like a siren wails Like a siren wails
7.
I was having me a good time Yeah things were pretty good I was writing for a sitcom I was living in Hollywood I hung out with Jeff Goldblum We played pool in his den I practiced meditation I was feeling pretty zen But it’s not much fun no more It’s not much fun no more I was having me a good time My portfolio was expanding I was looking smoking hot Some would say outstanding You could see me at the Grammys Had a bash with Kyle Jenner She kicked me in the balls And I screamed like a tenor I was having me a good time Yeah I was really kicking ass I was jumpin’ jack flash It was a gas, gas, gas I’d struck out on a vision quest I was never looking back The whole wide world opened up And I rode it like a maniac
8.
Hilarious 03:51
I'm a funny kind of guy That you must admit I have always made you laugh, laugh, laugh I am a silly sort of man I'm sure you would concur About as goofy as a gaberdine giraffe I am hilarious Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Hilarious I am hilarious Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Hilarious I'm a wacky sort of dude I do wacky stuff People say I have a certain savior faire I am a dopey kind of dick I do dopey things Yeah I'm dumb as a sack of hair I'm a zany type of boy Boy am I zany My vision of the world is cockeyed I'm a dirty old man I tell a dirty tale My tongue as poisonous as cyanide
9.
Ideanu Slept 04:41
This is the story of Ideanu Who slept through an atomic bomb Her brother and sister tried to wake her So did her dad and her mom But she was too busy dreaming While the rest of the world wept Ideanu slept Ideanu slept Ideanu dreamt about chocolate mountains And rivers made of classic Coke No one could disturb her Not even with a great big poke The rest of the world suffered losses Losses she could accept Ideanu slept Ideanu slept Ideanu dreamt she was a tiger Running through the jungle wild She attacked everything that moved Even ate a child The waking world had no place for her So away from it she kept Ideanu slept Ideanu slept
10.
You turned on a light And suddenly I could see All the love I'd been missing The love denied to me It was then I came alive It was then you opened the door It was then I breathed my first breath From that moment on And forever more Woke me up from my slumber Wiped the sleep from my eyes Said, It's time to go my love Just a word to the wise I had lived so stupidly I had hurt and I had been cruel I had lived so thoughtlessly I had lived like a fool But then you came along And you sent me back to school Love to watch your hands Love how they swim in the air Love the sound of your voice Lifts me from my despair You turned on a light And suddenly I was wide awake You showed me my heart And how easily it could break
11.
Wish I had my own robot He could be my trusted friend He could keep me out of trouble He could warn me what's around the bend He could offer me protection From all the monsters and the aliens He could ward me off the Doctor Smiths 'Cause he can see through their phony grins He could be my mentor The dad I never had Read me stories until late in the night I would never be so sad, no Danger, Will Robinson! Wish I had my own robot With a beat-box voice and some blinking lights He'd shoot lasers out of his arms He could intercede in all my fights He could cook me my breakfast Sort my laundry and drive my van He could wait on me hand and claw He could be my very own mechanical man He could make me laugh when I am down I could have total control He could love me as a I am And I could love him down in his robot soul
12.
Happy Trails 04:09
I don't know who I am anymore I spill in all directions at once Crying out in a shrill latticework of wired notes Wishing to possess something beyond myself Something beyond my power to imagine To live among obscured erasures The unsaid word The thought uncompleted The murmur lost The letters that fly away like small birds Happy trails to you "How are you?" she asks "There's something in the air That makes everything seem exaggerated," I say I appear slightly bloated As if I was allergic to life itself "I've got a present for you," she says, taking out a compass "Now you can never get lost" The two of us stare at it while the needle spins around and around, before finally coming to rest "Look," she says, "true north" Happy trails to you

about

"I would like he thinks to live in such a way that I could vanish into thin air at any time without affecting anyone and in fact I feel that for me this would constitute the perfect and perhaps the only acceptable life. At the same time I want desperately to be loved. Aloud he says: 'Whatever, I don't know.'"
–Sally Rooney, "Intermezzo"

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released March 21, 2025

Cover "No Name" by Eliot Wilder

Songs written and performed by Eliot Wilder

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Eliot Wilder Boston, Massachusetts

“Keep ravens and they will tear your eyes out.”

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