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The Lake District

by Eliot Wilder

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1.
Salton Sea 05:12
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Whipping past my window A Santa Ana whines All across the Salton Sea Rustling in the pines Shifting into fifth gear Trouble in mind Blazing into orbit Trouble in mind Why do I believe you When all you do is lie Cattle on the highway Mow them all down The dreamer and his dreams Are banished from this town A broken cup holder Ashes on the dash Blood on the backseat Ashes on the dash We’re ripping out the garden And putting up a shed We buried grandpa down there Beneath a thunderhead Fertilize dichondra The Santa Ana seethes Sleeping in the basement The Santa Ana seethes
2.
The Happy Millionaire 03:59
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I pulled myself up by my bootstraps I'm a self-made man Barely have a high school education Fought in Afghanistan When I got back I built my own business Trading souvenirs from abroad Once I sold a sacred chalice It was touched by the hand of God I'm the happy millionaire My whole world is without a care I'm the happy millionaire Good times, good times I built a house out in Calabasas It's got a marble floor I built one in Laguna too I like being near the seashore I play golf in the morning Race my race car in the afternoon In between I think rich thoughts I'm a self-styled nouveaux tycoon I am no shrinking violet Wouldn't be a rich man if I was I always mean business I outdo the one who outdoes People say that I'm a hard-ass But I did what I had to do Yeah, I cast a giant shadow From here and there to Kalamazoo I make no excuses I kicked a dude on his last legs You can't make an omelet Unless you break a couple of eggs
3.
Beatrice 04:15
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What can be said about my dear Beatrice To me she was my one and only She came to me like a courtly vision Lifted me up when I was lonely How much do I love you my dear Beatrice With your shapely legs and soft round belly How much do I love you my dear Beatrice You turn a guy like me into a pool of jelly She was my secret song My unrequited love And sadly we would never share the same bed She was my guide My inspiration That lasted long beyond when she was dead What can be said about my dear Beatrice She made me a believer in fate Was she real or was she just a dream Beatrice in her ethereal state How much do I love you my dear Beatrice With your hazel eyes and dirty brown hair How much do I love you my dear Beatrice With a kind of love that nothing can compare What can be said about my dear Beatrice With her toothy grin and her tiny, tiny hands She pointed them in my direction In the hope that I might understand How much do I love you my dear Beatrice No way could I ever quantify My love is as big as this crazy old world And it's made a crazy guy
4.
Light Up My World 05:28
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Come back baby Come back now All is forgiven Can't let you go Can't live without you For me that is not living, no I'm alone here All by myself Floundering around in the dirt It's a wasteland out here Ugly and broke And I can't handle the hurt Light up my world Love you forever Light up my world Love you more You hurt me baby Hurt me so bad Hurt me down to the core Gotta get away Gotta get away from you I just can't take it no more I'm addicted I'm a junkie I am always chasing the dragon Wanna hitch myself Hitch myself up To your wagon Why did you leave me Why did you go I don't know why, why Is it my mouth Is it my sensible shoes Is it that I'm an ordinary guy What is this What is this affliction It defies common sense Wanna kill it Wanna kill it dead But I ain't got no defense
5.
Jack Mahoney 03:59
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It's an old, old story Been around since way back when Don't know if it's real or fake Wanna know for goodness sake He was my granddad That's what my old man said But it happened so long ago And they're long dead It was roaring 20s And times were grand and gay Old Jack he made his mark All along the great white way Yeah he wrote some snappy tunes He rhymed his moons with Junes He made his whoopee the livelong day He wrote, You made life cheery When you called me dearie
'Twas down where the blue grass grows
Your lips were sweeter than julep When you wore a tulip 
And I wore a big red rose  It's an old, old story Been around since way back when I heard it in my youth Still don't know if it's the truth Why would Dad make this up He was no phony Why would he say his dad Was Jack Mahoney After Dad passed away I tried to sort it out I needed to know for sure I needed to remove all doubt Was it all bushwa Was it all applesauce Was it phonus balonus Was it teacups and candyfloss
6.
The Lake District 05:19
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We went out to the Lake District On that fine and sunny July morn We found a spot near the boat house Near the bogbean and the squirrel corn We went 'round back to smoke a joint And we got ourselves super frickin' high You said, Let's take a skinny dip in the lake In that blue water under that juicy blue sky I knew you were a pretty good swimmer You could do flip turns just like a pro Why it is you dropped down like a stone Hell, I don't think I'll ever truly know A sheriff from the Warren County office Was the first to make the scene He asked me a lot of probing questions Thought I was trying to contravene I was out of my mind with sorrow I struggled to make any kind of sense Because the love my life Had just got dragged down to the bottom And I could offer no good defense Did I have any kind of record Have I ever gotten in a fix with Johnny Law What exactly was she and I doing Swimming in Lake George in the raw They dragged Beatrice up from the bottom Her face look like wrinkled old sack In her pocket they found a soggy note It said she had married some kind of maniac We went out to the Lake District On that fine and sunny July day But Beatrice now is just a memory One more victim of Hudson Bay Sometimes I wonder just who I am Just what makes me tick the way I tick But sometimes I just can't help myself When something stupid lights my wick
7.
My Sister 04:11
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My sister she messed with me In an unpleasant way The things she did, the things she said Well they hurt me to this day My sister she thinks well of herself Like she’s magnanimous But her high self-regard Just raises my animus Don’t care what happens to her She shattered my heart My sister may think that we’re close But we are so very far apart My sister can jump off a cliff For all that I care Wherever I been in my life My sister’s been elsewhere My sister was mad at me No doubt she is still My sister just don’t get it No doubt she ever will My sister she got all she wanted While I got nil My sister she just don’t get it No doubt she ever will My sister she promised me money But she didn't followed through "Never said I do that," she said With a face sincere and true My sister is Lucy And I am Charlie Brown She sets up the football And I go and break my crown My sister tells a whole lotta stories And none are ever true They all say that she means well But then she goes and turns the screw I just had to give up on her If only for protection Whatever we had whatever we were I severed that connection
8.
Gay Deceiver 05:13
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There was a time When I was oh so happy And nothing, no nothing ever got me down You could always see me Having a gay old time Having a gay old time all over town I was so bold I was unafraid I could make the whole world go 'round I was a gay deceiver, a gay deceiver I left a million broken hearts in my wake Yeah I was a gay deceiver, a gay deceiver Everything for me was always jake There was a time When I was king of the world And everything I touched turned to gold I made a ton of money The old American way I lied and I cheated and I stoled Nothing I couldn't have Nothing I didn't want 'Cause everything can be bought and sold So now is the time When I should feel a little humbled Not everything has worked out my way They took my ass And they hauled me off to jail After they chased me down on the freeway Now I stare at these walls Wonder where I went wrong While the rest of the world makes hay
9.
I'm a Hot Rod 04:09
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I gotta move I gotta run I gotta get going, yeah Before the day is done My tank is full My engine hot No one’s gonna catch me, no I can’t be caught Can’t be caught I’m a hot rod baby Zippin’ down the motorway I’m a hot rod baby Shootin’ like a ricochet I’m a hot rod baby I'm A-OK Beep-beep-mm-beep-beep Beep-beep-mm-beep-beep, yay Can’t you hear me Tearing down the street Can’t you hear me Hop in my passenger seat We’ll leave ‘em all behind In a cloud of dust In my hot rod baby Baby let’s combust I’m shifting gears Hear me roar My motor is a-purring, yeah Four on the floor Jump on in And we'll burn up the road We'll head off somewhere, yeah That no one know'd
10.
Strange Boy 04:05
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You say you knew him What did you know Never knew him, never knew him Was he your friend He was no friend, no Never knew him, never knew him He lived next door in that mad gray house Rocked itself off its foundations Knocked on the door, nobody came Gave off weird vibrations Never knew him, never would That strange, strange boy from your childhood Never knew him, no never knew him His dad a banker, worked at a bank So they said, yeah so they said His mom a drinker, man how she drank Spent her days in bed He liked the Seeds. liked the Monkees Stole records from the record store His dad would smack him And his mom would too Don't know what they did that for Then one day he disappeared Where did he go, where did he go Was he dead That's what we feared Where did he go The cops came 'round Looked for clues The case was never cracked What we know What can be known It's all abstract
11.
There Was That Summer 06:21
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There was that summer And those humid afternoons When clouds smudged the sky Like wet black orchids And I could feel the depths And I could not let go For fear I might fall forever You stared right through me Till it burned a hole And I fell into the inky heart of my despair Your eyes betrayed you They sang your secret song And your secret song was low and blue "What are you feeling now" "I am feeling dark" "That’s OK, it’s OK to feel dark" "But I hate it, hate it It’s like I’m drowning in a black ooze And there ain't no light For me to see my way" "That’s OK, it’s OK, it's OK to go down I won't let you drown I won't let you drown" And your eyes were full of oceans And I sailed across your seas Until beached myself on your shore There was that summer When it rained every day at four And the thickness of the air Pressed up against me Like a woolen coat Thought about your eyes And the curve of your neck And your hands, your tiny hands And nothing, not even the rain No nothing, not even the rain Has such tiny hands
12.
You Got It All 04:37
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Whatever I have you can take it Take it all for all that I care I am nothing now but a broken man With all the typical wear and tear Don’t let me stop you or get in your way Do you what you gotta do The usual cliche You got it, you got it all And me, I don’t got squat You got it, you got it all Don’t give it a second thought Don’t give it a second thought I lay it all out for you to see Oblique but not opaque All my cranky vicissitudes Enough to make a belly ache What you do, well, it’s all up to you But I hope it’s real And I pray it’s true Maybe one day you will see who I am And I won’t have to draw a diagram This is my dream, this is my dream Just got back from a trip to Mars It was truly out of this world Planted my flag on a dirt red mound And stood back as it unfurled Wondered when you would make it here And breathe in with me This thin atmosphere

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Twelve short stories.

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released May 10, 2025

Cover "The Lake District" by Eliot Wilder

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Eliot Wilder Boston, Massachusetts

“Keep ravens and they will tear your eyes out.”

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