“Please read my diary, look through my things and figure me
out.” Kurt Cobain
Image by Dwayne Blee of www.freeimages.com
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Grace received her first diary years ago
for Christmas from her Aunt Marge. She had been twelve at the time and
she had regarded the shiny red cover wondering what she would do with it.
She didn’t like to write. Of course, she tried to act thrilled. She
didn’t want to hurt Aunt Marge’s feelings. Her mother would have been
livid if she had and there would have been hell to pay. Not long after,
Aunt Marge died in a tragic car accident. She remembered the day in
exact, glaring detail. Snowy, treacherous roads and a bit of ice had
sealed Aunt Marge’s destiny. The accident set a series of events in
motion that would change Grace’s life forever. One by one her family
left. First her mother died, and then her dad. Finally, her little
brother had fallen through the ice one fateful day while ice skating. By
the time she was 20, they were all gone leaving Grace alone to conquer the world.
She met Rob
by accident. A dear friend had set her up on a blind date. The
weirdest thing happened, though. Her date couldn’t come. Instead,
he sent flowers with his apology. Rob delivered the flowers and
they connected immediately. Compelled to see her again, he sent
flowers to her and delivered them himself. A whirlwind romance followed
which culminated in a marriage proposal. Grace said yes before Rob even
finished what he had to say. Since Grace no longer had any family
to speak of, she was eager to start a family of her own. Just a little
over a year later she welcomed a son who became her pride and joy. A
daughter soon followed, and soon it seemed her dreams of a family were
complete.
The years
passed. Her son enlisted in the navy when war broke out, and at the
tender age of 19, died in battle. Grace's heart shattered into a million
pieces. Her grief palpable, she remained inconsolable. Her diary
filled to overflowing with tear stained prose.
Still her daughter remained. Soon, Grace’s diary
focused revolved around Elise and Rob's comings and goings.
Somewhere along the way, Grace ceased to exist. Her life ceased to
matter. Her feelings were never discussed within the pages of her most
recent diary. In her mind, she was insignificant. They were her
whole world.
After another joyous Christmas celebration, Rob suffered a fatal heart
attack. One minute he was at her side, the next he was gone. Grace wrote
pages and pages in her diary as she coped. She mourned her life partner,
and once again the pages became smudged and tear stained. Her daughter
did all she could to see to Grace's needs, but then life stepped in once again.
Her daughter accepted a wonderful job thousands of miles away.
Grace mustered her strength, put a brave face on it, and saying goodbye,
wished her well.
Years
passed. With each passing year, Grace withdrew a bit farther into
herself. She stopped associating with the outside world and became a
modern day recluse. Those she loved most in life had gone leaving her
behind. She longed to join them. She longed to be free of her
lonely life. She played her music. She created her art. She
survived, a prisoner of her dark thoughts and feelings of helplessness. She put
on a brave, showed the world giggles and smiles because that is what she
thought the world wanted to see. She confided only in her diary.
She prayed that when her time was up, that whoever found her diaries
would read them and understand.
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