#Monday Musings

           It’s Monday.  It’s Martin Luther King Day.  Wow.  I haven’t written anything since November 11, 2015. That is a long time.  Do I even still remember how to write?  We will see, won’t we?  Where have I been?  Sick.  I have been sick with pneumonia all this time.   My husband had pneumonia which led to him being unable to work for two weeks.  The only blessing was that the kids never got sick once.  He got better.  I didn’t.  Go figure.  I mean, I have no trains to catch, no job outside the home, so who truly gives a rat’s ass if I ever get well?  It has been a long, depressing road.  We survived the holidays.  The internet was off at our house all this time.  I had the internet on my phone, but nowhere else.  Honestly, I didn’t feel well enough to waddle from my bed to the bathroom, let alone write.  I kept a low profile and flew under the radar battling depression, my own demons, and making a minute by minute attempt to literally cough up my vagina and every bodily fluid I could possibly possess.  Have you ever coughed so hard that you literally peed your pants? Or worse?  I have been there and done that and, this time, didn’t even have the joyous excuse of being pregnant.

        So here I am! For those of you that wondered if I died, you didn’t get that lucky.  I am still struggling along somehow with my messed up  humor and special brand of sarcasm very much intact.   With that said I’ll be giving this writing thing another go.  I am older, struggling with mental-pause hormones.  The up- side is that my doctor finally figured out that perhaps I needed a bit of medicinal help with that situation when I shared that I normally step out on my back stoop in subzero temps in my underwear, barefoot…in the snow,  because I am sweating my ass off.  Behavior like that doesn’t really help the whole attempt to get over pneumonia.

       I have discovered a few things about myself during this time period, though.  The first, and perhaps the most important is that I giggle when I am nervous and uncomfortable.  It isn’t because I am particularly happy.  I also laugh hysterically when I am amused, which still happens quite regularly.   I talk entirely too much when prompted.  I probably share things I relate with and am amused by entirely too much on Facebook.   I am perhaps a bit too honest for most people’s tastes and probably a whole lot inappropriate.  I am convinced that it is a public service for me to isolate myself as much as possible which is why I hide behind writing fiction and haiku.  I also realize that I am just not that great of a writer, but I am OK with that now.  I will write for the fun of it and see how it goes and have absolutely no illusions that I belong at the top of any writing heap.  Sometimes you just need to let it out and vent. Sometimes you simply have to realize that God never abandoned you after all and you are OK.  And then sometimes, you need to quit caring so much, and simply try again.  That is what I am attempting to do.

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Watch Me!

        Summer flew by way to fast.  My summer ended August 12, when my kids started back to school.  I don’t think there was a soul in my house that didn’t dread the start of the school year.  I dreaded it because I didn’t want to deal with the concept that my oldest took her place as a freshman in high school or that my youngest is in his last year at the elementary school.   Where did my little girl and baby boy go?  They are growing up, and I am getting older.

       

       We all dreaded the reappearance of alarm clocks and their persistent ringing at the butt crack of dawn.  5:30 in the morning should be celebrated deep within warm covers in dreamland, NOT by getting dressed, packing lunches, and forcing sleepy kids onto buses.  Still here we are with three weeks of school already under our belts as of tomorrow and ass deep in homework and school activities.  Such is life.

           With the kids back to school, I have my days free to write and do what I want to do.  Time to crank those tunes and perfect my dance moves. Watch me whip, watch me neigh-neigh!  Time to write, which is where this whole NaBloPoMo madness comes in.  I plead insanity, and I may live to regret this spur of the moment decision.  Or I might remember that I like to write. HA!  I do, but I admit, that I am not as gung-ho for it as some of my peers.  I don’t aspire to write a book, just to write better.  Good luck with that one!

        With that said, you my dear readers will see me posting more this month.  I will be writing my heart out taking on the NaBloPoMo challenges, but still trying my hand at my usual haunts like the Yeah Write Micro Story grid and Haiku Horizons.  Maybe even some other writing challenges that spark my fancy.  So sit back, relax, and enjoy.  It’s going to be a wild ride!

           

    

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Just Write!

Before dashing away to the flight which would take her to a sunny, idyllic beach, Christine imparted a bit of advice.

  She encouraged me to reach for the brass ring.

Write, 

and for God’s sake,

 edit

and proofread

and count your words!

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What to Say??

     I will be on an enforced vacation from the internet for a while, not because I want to be but because priority dictates.  I have bills to pay and unfortunately having a place to live, something to drive, and food to eat trumps having cable television and the internet for the moment.  So I am cleaning up loose ends, answering comments, reading blogs, and writing this.  I might have been able to come up with something truly inspired and creative today for this prompt at the BAR like some magnificent story that would you begging for more.  Unfortunately, I got nothing!  Instead, I choose to tell it like it is. 

      What will I be doing instead you wonder?  I have several plans to keep myself busy.  I plan to play my keyboard, bake bread and goodies, and continue to knit the blanket I have been working on forever.  Someday I might just get it done too! Watch me!  I have several books I would like to read that I have been putting off for a while…and well rest assured I can always find something to keep myself occupied with from running my kids here to there and everywhere to organizing and compiling my never ending pile of recipes!   So I bid you adieu, au revoir, until we meet again.  I will be back before you even begin to miss me!

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Goals?

      In 2015 I haven’t really made any writing resolutions to speak of.   If anything, I have made a conscious effort to at least post every week and write something as my interest in the hobby seems to be waning a bit.

       Last year I made a New Year’s resolution only because a writing prompt more or less forced me to name one.  I did, and as fate would have it, I failed miserably.  I mean with the goal of laughing more and worrying less as a resolution, what could possibly go wrong?  Well stupid me!  Life stepped in and shit happened giving me plenty to worry about and little to be happy for.  By December I had sunk into such a deep pit of depression I found it very hard to truly look forward to Christmas in any capacity which has never really happened to me before in that degree.  Therefore, I am kind of against making goals of any sort.  I live each day one day at a time and am thankful on the most part I got through each one with my sanity.    Living life as it comes seems to work for me and I believe helps to keep the stress level to a minimum.

 

      Setting goals and not meeting them is depressing so I tend to avoid that exercise.  I try to expect less and then when I get more I am happy, and being happy is key.  

Written for the Write Tribe Monday Musings Writing Prompt

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Dear Me

       Do you remember when people actually wrote letters beginning with “Dear so and so”?  It is an obsolete art form.  I mean think about it!   People shoot others instant messages on Face Book, send a text, or send an email.  

        Those messages never begin with dear.  It is more like   “hey!”, “hi!”, or the famous and ultimate greeting of those trying awful hard to be cool “Sup?”    Not even a “What’s up?”  But “Sup” with absolutely no punctuation whatsoever.   Every now and then you get a “Howdy” thrown in for good measure but no one and I mean no one says “Dear” anymore.  It simply isn’t done.  No one wants you to be a dear one.  They get right to the point and cut the shit.  The niceties are gone.  Even in some business letters we are greeted with “To Whom it May Concern”.  I personally don’t miss the handwritten “Dear so and so” letters. 

         I would much rather type it up.  I am too much of a perfectionist and found old fashioned letter writing traumatic.  I was always so OCD about how my handwriting LOOKED.  Was it messy?  Was it neat?  Did it look Okay?  Dear me…I am glad that business is a thing of the past!  

This month I am making December a little more joyful with NaBloPoMo!

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Orange!!!!!

          Do I like orange?  What’s not to like?  It is warm, vibrant, exciting, and fun!  Would I wear it?  Well, hell no.  There are some colors that are just not done by fat folks like me. It is not in my wardrobe color wheel.   I would look like a walking talking pumpkin patch, and that is just plain scary to old and young people alike.  I will admit I do have a long sleeve orange shirt that I bought to go with a Halloween vest.  It looks nice together.  Luckily for the population at large, I rarely pull that bad boy out of the closet.   How flipping embarrassing it would be to be walking down the street and have some kid with a blanket pointing me out to a bald kid.  “Look! There goes the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!”

     While I have my reservations about wearing orange in public, I have absolutely no problem splashing it all over my kitchen walls.  Last spring I was delighted when my husband and I painted the kitchen a brilliant orange.  Coupled with red curtains, it kind of shouts “Hello!” when you walk in the room.  I LOVE IT!   Simply love it.  It looks like the kitchen is on fire and gives another great excuse why the fire alarm is constantly going off out there.  I simply hate that damn thing.  I love to cook, and I am good at it.  One of the few things that I am good at, I must admit, but every single time I cook that damn thing goes off!  BEEP! BEEP!  BEEP!  God help us all if there was a real fire because everyone just assumes I am cooking when they hear it and go about their business.  

           If you have been a frequent flyer here at my blog lately you have noticed art, haiku, and some fiction.  If you have been paying attention you have also noticed the posts are few and far between.  WHY??  Well hells bells.   It should be obvious to all.   After receiving a “love letter” from one of the editors at the Yeah Write site about one of my submissions, and count them 5 flipping years of writing whatever pops into my frazzled brain and a blend of fiction and haiku, I have finally been convinced that I completely suck as a writer.  They actually call their rejection letters “LOVE” letters!  Why don’t we call them what they are?  Can we say “HATE” mail?  Anyways, instead of encouraging improving, that one letter encouraged me to hang it up.

  




       Let’s face it.  I am NEVER going to write a 
book.  I never aspired too.  It was never in the plan.  Writing simply gave me something to do during the long lonely hours while the kids were at school and my husband was on the road.  Writing served me well in that regard.  And it was fun, until it wasn’t anymore.  Not long after that email, writing became a noose around my neck slowly sucking my will to live.

         With that said, my art became my salvation….again.  I have always been an artist at heart.  It is what makes my heart sing.  It makes me happy.  I am a talker.  If we met in person, I would talk your fool head off because I can.  I giggle…a lot.  Yes I do.  So to say my aura is orange a lot of the time; because I can be quite a happy little thing, would be a true statement.  I like to have fun…and honestly writing fiction is no longer fun and I don't have any good ideas rolling around in my noggin, which would help! If I ever get one, you could still see some fiction here.  I am not ruling it completely out.  Bottom line, being ME is fun.  So I am going to be doing just that on this blog from here on out.  I will be writing what makes me happy, and whoever doesn’t like it can kiss ole Whoville!

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Let it Go: A Writer’s Enema

       Writing, blogging, hunting and peck typing….they are all related.  There are words on the page, right?  Yes, there are.  So I am writing.  That is half the battle with writers block.  Just sit down and type.  Type random thoughts at the top of your head and let them flow on the screen.  Who said it had to be perfect?  Me.   That is why a lot of things get backspaced and deleted into oblivion, simply because letting just anything flow on the page often ends up looking like raw sewage.  It stinks…BAD.  Where is the industrial size can of Febreeze when you need it?

        What amazes me is then a person puts that raw sewage out there.  You fan the stench by sharing it on every social media platform known to man hoping, against hope, that some sorry bastard will be curious, follow that link, and read it, and maybe even form enough of an opinion to actually comment on it.  Deep down in your heart, you know it is raunchy and crusty.  You know or believe it sucks.  Still you post it anyways just to prove you can.  You wax poetic.   You post it because, honestly, that is all you got! Wonders of wonders, folks stop in and read the raw sewage that flowed out of your brain and actually comment.  If you are like me, you try to avoid the ole inbox because deep down you know what you wrote was shit, the simple ramblings from a very foggy brain, but you still want people to LIKE your shit.   Your inbox fills up to overflowing.  Amazed you simply can’t resist going there and reading what they have to say about what you wrote.  You HAVE to know.

 
           At that point, if you are me, you become hopelessly confused.  Do these people actually LIKE shit or are they just being polite? Have they bought into that ‘say something nice or don’t say anything at all’ that you have been spoon fed since birth and follow it to a tee?  They know it is shit, you know it is shit, but still they spout that “this is so poignant, so brilliantly written BS” and you know what?  You buy it.  You want to believe the fairytale that your writing is actually good.   You so desperately want people to get you.  Understand where you are coming from, that you thank them, are unbelievably floored by their amazing comments, and rush right out with your dreams and heart on your sleeve and write more drivel once again.

                It is a vicious cycle, I tell you!   Lately it has driven me up the proverbial wall.  So far up, that I am in danger of plunging off and shattering into a million pieces, much like Humpty Dumpty.  Quickly checking to make sure I am not really SHAPED like him.  No, no I am not.  At least, I am not shaped like that YET.    Then there is the question, if I can have this much diarrhea of the brain spewing forth onto the computer screen…am I truly blocked after all?  Am I just a sorry lazy ass?  Do I need the metaphorical enema to spew forth a piece of writing which is actually entertaining and brilliantly written?  Obviously, yes, yes I do… because the bottom line is…I AM full of shit.  You know it, I know it, and everybody knows it.

         With that said, how do you battle that dreaded writer’s block that leaves you panicked, pissed off, and feeling despondent? 

       1. Write!!  Something, anything.  Let that raw sewage flow.  Let it go!!! Don’t hold back anymore.  It is no fun being constipated.  Let it spew forth and free you! 

2. Don’t worry.  Be happy!

3.  Laugh!  Giggle until you pee your pants, your belly hurts, and fluids are leaking from every known orifice then transfer that unbridled glee to that blank screen.  Let people THINK you drink hair spray and you are bat shit crazy if that is what does it for you and then write that shit down!!  God knows, you must document this moment, if for no other reason than because you can.

4.  Read.  Yes, you heard me.  Read other people’s work.  If they can write it, so can you!

5. Believe in yourself.  That is one I have to work on big time.  Believe you can instead of believing you suck and can’t.

6.  Last but not least, if you got nothing after all that, walk away for a while.  If you are not feeling it, don't force it.  Sleep, drink, eat, and be merry doing something else.  When you come back refreshed, you may be surprised to find your words have returned with you.  Start back at square one and let those pigeons loose.  Let it go!

     Before you know it, writer’s block will be a thing of the past.

Essence of Writing Haiku

compose and create

electrify intellect

impress hearts and souls

Written for the "Write Tribe on Wednesday" prompt.  

 In honor and in memory of the phenomenal work of 

Maya Angelou (April 4, 1928-May 28, 2014). 

 While she said many quotes over the course of her lifetime that resonated with me, 

I was to choose my favorite about writing and allow it to inspire me as a writing prompt.

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Counting Stars

   I am engaged to marry Katie, but still there I found myself sitting on the pier with Emily, drinking wine, and laughing about the silliest things.  It was a warm summer night.  The sky was filled with the most brilliant stars I have ever seen in my life before or since.  Emily and I have been the best of friends ever since I could remember having met clear back in kindergarten.  We rode the same school bus and lived in the same neighborhood all our lives.  We grew up right here on this lake, swimming, waterskiing, and having the time of our lives.    Deep down, maybe if I am truly honest I will admit that I have always had a little crush on her but that is as far as it ever went.  She has always been my best friend.

      Still as I watched her laugh at something funny I had said I became completely mesmerized with the way her eyes sparkled, the way her brilliant smile shined brighter than the stars, and the way her laugh carried across the water.   Her perfume on the summer air was intoxicating.  We toasted my upcoming nuptials.   Before I knew how it had happened we were holding hands.  All of I sudden I took her in my arms and kissed her. I simply could not stop myself.   She seemed so surprised but then her arms wrapped around me and her kisses matched mine. We kissed some more, hardly coming up for air.   We embraced our arms and legs intertwining.   There were no words, only the electric passion pulsating between us.  One minute we were counting stars and the next locked in a passionate embrace oblivious to anything else.

     Our clothes melted off as the passion drove us on.  I had never experienced sex like this before!  From the look in her eyes, she never had either.  It was so exciting, and forbidden.  We were simply lost.  In the aftermath we laid in each other’s arms basking in the exquisite afterglow of the pure unbridled ecstasy that overtook us. I became aware that tears were slowly making their way down her face.  I kissed each away until she violently pushed me away.

       “Why NOW?”  She screamed in an anguished sob.  “Katie is my best friend you asshole!”  Reality hit me right between the eyes as I realized in horror what I had done, what we had done.

    “Emily, Oh God…I am so sorry.” Her look of anger, hurt, and outrage stopped me short.   I became angry.  “Hey wait a minute.  It is not like I raped you. You wanted me as badly as I wanted you!  We had some fun and well now, it is over.”  I wanted more than anything to blame her for this, but it was my fault.  I started it.  She simply didn’t refuse and we were both carried away.  My anger quickly dissipated.

    Ashamed we both hurriedly put our clothes back on.  I felt sick.  She looked so broken sitting on the pier staring out at the lake with her arms tightly wrapped around her trembling form.  At this point, the stars didn’t appear as bright.  Hesitating, I stood and glanced at her again.

  
   “Just go!” she screamed.  I hurried away.  No one could ever know what happened here.  It would simply ruin everything and break Katie’s heart.  She didn’t deserve that and we both knew it.  I looked back at Emily one last time.  She was sitting on the pier alone, her back to me now.  Katie could never know.  If she ever found out…well, it would be the end of everything. I wiped a tear from my eye sad that our friendship would never be the same again.

This is my response to the Speakeasy weekly prompt, which is to write a piece in 750 words or less (mine is 621) using (1) “No one could ever know what happened here.” anywhere in the piece AND (2) some reference to the video prompt- One Republic’s song “Counting Stars.”

The challenge is open to anyone who wants to participate.  If you’re curious, click the badge below to view complete guidelines.  Thanks for reading!

Liebster Award!!

     Surprise, surprise!  Nikhil at "Aficionado" has presented me with a Liebster Award and I am thrilled.  This award comes with rules, much like a gremlin.  No simple thank you very much here.   Still being acknowledged by a fellow writer is simply the bomb diggity!  Enough chitter-chatter, there is work involved, so let’s get to it!!

1. To accept the award I must link back to the person who nominated me which I did in the previous paragraph. 

2. I am to choose 10 writers who deserve to be acknowledged for their pure wonderfulness.   Drumroll please…in no particular order my winners are:

Suzy at http://suzysomedaysomewhere.blogspot.co.nz/

Shilpa at http://shilpasharmaonline.wordpress.com/

Talya at http://www.gracegritsgarden.com/

Jyothi at http://jyothisdayout.wordpress.com/

Martha at http://marthaorlando.blogspot.com/

JoJo at http://tahomabeadworks.blogspot.com/

Karen at http://www.magicalmysticalmimi.com/

Sugandha at http://somethings-sugandha.blogspot.in/

Holli at http://hollishootsandhollers.blogspot.com/

Corinne at http://from7eight.com/

3.   Answer Nikhil’s questions to me…

In a dilemma, would you listen to your heart or your brain & why?

I would listen to both because often listening to only your heart can cause you to make foolish choices.  You have to listen to your brain too so that you don’t end up making the biggest mistake of your life.  By using both you stand a much better chance of doing the right thing the first time around.

Choose between an “Unlimited internet connection for a month” & “1 month of your favorite food delicacy”? 

 I choose unlimited internet connection so I can be connected to all of you!

 5 rare random facts that most people don’t know about you?

1.  I am not capable of getting through a day without laughing.

2.  I hate drama.  It gives me diarrhea and hives…seriously.

3.  I love, absolutely LOVE Brussels sprouts.

4.  I cannot stand a sad, grumpy face.  I would rather drop my drawers and moon you than look at your sad, grumpy face.

5.  I think British accents are HOT.

Fictional character (from a book/movie/TV show) that you think closely resembles you.

     I would be Hermione Granger from Harry Potter.  I am Miss Smarty Pants who always has her head buried in a book.

Congratulations, you have been just given the opportunity to travel back in time. Which year or occasion & why?  

     While I would love to go back in time and visit my parents when they were both still alive, I think it would be far more productive to go back to creation and grab that apple out of Eve’s hand before she takes a bite and smack her upside the head.  I would tell her to not listen to a slimy snake and do what God intended instead.  It would feel good to nix that little brain fart in the bud before God gets all pissed off at generations of women and plagues us all with our monthly visitors and the  torture of childbirth. We would all still be in the Garden of Eden living the good life naked and probably pleasingly thin because no one would want to look fat while always naked in broad daylight.

Coke or Pepsi? 

Coke, every single time!

First thing you would do if you win the lottery (amount can be the maximum you can think of right now)

      The very first thing I would do is jump up and down and scream…then I would pay off my house and all of my outstanding bills.

One thing that annoys you the most?

What annoys me the most are people who are rude.

Something that you would love to do but are too afraid to?

I would love to fly but am terrified that if I stepped aboard a plane that it would be doomed to crash and burn.

A superpower or a lot of money….and justify your choice?

I would want a never ending supply of an insane amount of money so my husband and I could be together, the bills would always be paid, and if I or my family needed something we could just go get it.   While money isn’t everything in life, it does make the world go round and would make things so much easier!!!

Last but not least my ten questions for my ten chosen winners are….

1     1. Why do you write?

       2. You are stranded in the middle of nowhere…who is with you and why?

       3. If you could be dropped inside the pages of a book and become a character of the story…which book would you choose and why?

       4.  If you could be any animal, which one would you be?

  

     5.The waiter is at your table taking your drink order.          What do you order?

       6. If you could invent a machine to do a task you hate for you, what would you invent?

       7. Would you rather have magical powers or money?

       8. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

        9. If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

      10. If you could have anything you wanted for Christmas, what would it be and why?

I have earned my Liebster award…now go forth my award winners and earn yours!!