Freemartin

 

Freemartin

A child I taught, and who is now a veterinary surgeon, lived on a smallholding and had a house cow. She was very excited one day to tell me that the cow had given birth to twins because that was very unusual.

If the twins are both female, the heifers will develop as normal females. If the calf twins are a male and a female, the female may develop as a freemartin.

A freemartin is an infertile heifer. It is often more aggressive than its female counterparts and displays masculine characteristics. The condition occurs because male and female twins share blood circulation through their placentas, and male hormones are transferred from male to female. In a dairy herd, this is not a happy outcome, as the heifer has underdeveloped ovaries, so will never calve and produce milk.

Twin births occur in 0.5% to 2% of all bovine pregnancies. Although not all mixed twin calves will result in freemartins, it does occur in 90% of all such pregnancies.

Freemartins occur in other species and have been recorded in sheep, pigs, and goats, where the incidence in each species is about 1%. They have been recorded and discussed since 27 BCE.

In Aldoux Huxley's grim dystopian novel, Brave New World, babies are created in artificial wombs and it is a matter of shame and scandal to conceive a child naturally within the World State. A freemartin is a female foetus exposed to male hormones to render her infertile. The practice is part of the government's plan to control the population and only 30% of the female population are not freemartins.

Uddermint

 

Uddermint

There are many varieties of garden mint – apple mint, grapefruit mint, peppermint and so on, but Uddermint has nothing to do with them.

Those with a working knowledge of cows may have heard of Uddermint. It is a product that has been developed to enhance udder health. It is a soothing liniment which is rubbed into the problematic quarter/s of the udder. It is also a valuable ointment for massaging muscles and joints and is useful at calving, particularly for heifers, the bovine primigravidae. It contains 35% pure Japanese peppermint oil and smells fresh and wholesome.   

I don’t know any cows so how did I come by a tube of Uddermint? My son-in-law meets an interesting range of people in the course of his work, one of whom (actually, probably several!) was a Dorset dairy farmer. I don’t know how big his herd was or if he was still milking by hand (unlikely, I would have thought, knowing nothing whatsoever about it!)   Anyway, he had occasion to apply Uddermint to one of his cows. This poor man had arthritic joints in his hands and he noticed that they were less painful after he’d finished anointing the afflicted cow.

A while later, another cow fell victim to an unnamed complaint and the heady unguent was again employed to ease the pain. Once more, the farmer noticed the easing of aches in his hands and it seemed to him that the coincidence was remarkable, so he continued to rub the ointment into his hands, with highly satisfactory results.  

My son-in-has some problems with his hands, not least being a lack of complete fingers on one of them (but that’s a story for another day) The farmer told him his tale and gave him a tube of cream to try. Discovering how effective it was, he proceeded to carry some with him at all times, and advised others to try it for their various muscular and joint ailments, too.  

He smiled through all the jokes – ‘Holy cow!’, ‘You’re barmy (balmy) and what seems to be everybody’s favourite, ‘Pull the udder one.’

If it’s still available* and you are tempted to try it, don’t forget to read the advice on the back of the tube – ‘avoid contact with eyes and nose and keep it out of the reach of children.’   I thought it said ‘chickens’ before I put on my glasses and was imagining all sorts of poultry (or even paltry) reactions. 

It ought to be kept away from sheep, too. They don’t like mint, perhaps because they know they might soon be keeping company with it at the dinner table!     

* I've just checked and it is still  available over the counter. The packaging is different now.

Kitten milk

It seems like only yesterday that we brought Winston home as a wide-eyed kitten. He was such a delight that a week later we acquired Monty as a companion for him. 

Monty rather overshadowed Winston. He was a month older so maybe that was why. Most of the time they were great friends but occasionally Monty tried to subjugate Winston who is a very gentle cat. We were very upset when Monty developed congestive heart failure at three years old and we realised that nothing could be done for him. Every solution our patient vets tried exposed further serious problems and eventually we had to let him go to save him further suffering.

That was just over a year ago. Winston didn’t appear to miss Monty – we have had other cats in the past who have pined for their companions, seeking them in all the familiar spots. In fact, we realise now that Winston would have remained perfectly happy being an only cat. He has canine company when we go out and when we take the dogs walking he is usually waiting for us when we come through the front door, greeting us with a quiet miaou and a question mark tail.

In the year that has passed since Monty’s demise Winston has become much more confident. He is extraordinarily affectionate and has a range of calls to inform us of his needs. A loud ‘waaaahhhhh’ tells us he is hungry, a ‘mew’ says ‘hello’. ‘Ng’ means ‘Please open the door’ and a silent miaou is a request for a cuddle. When he is snoozing in the sun and I stroke him he says, ‘Wa-mah’ to start a conversation. He chitters at the birds in the garden, headbutts us for attention, pats an arm for treats and hooks his paw round a hand to draw it to himself for stroking.

He yells raucously for breakfast, particularly if it’s raw beef heart, though chicken wings are a close second favourite. He has other tastes, too. We sometimes have croissants for breakfast and can guarantee that Winston will be on the arm of the chair, reaching forward with a delicate paw to steal a piece. He also likes cheese, cooked chicken, ham and porridge. Two of his stranger delights are bubble wrap and sellotape.

When he and Monty were young kittens Mark-the-Vet asked us what we were feeding them. It’s the usual sort of vet question but when I replied that, along with other fare, we gave them kitten milk he looked a little surprised. I had a sudden vision of a herd of cats waiting to be milked and fell to wondering how this might work.

Cows have been domesticated for years and are accustomed to yielding their milk to the farmer at least twice a day. They are hefty beasts, not given to scaling trees or bounding over fences or indeed clambering under them. Granted, they have to be confined to large open spaces where they spend their days chewing the cud and pondering the meaning of life. If they had absolute freedom to wander at will they might remain in a close-knit band but would undoubtedly enjoy a more varied menu than meadow grass. They are social animals, used to living together.

On the other hand, cats are largely solitary, independent creatures, often leading nocturnal lives of which their owners know little. Keeping a number of cats together leads to challenging problems that can be accommodated only after careful deliberation and cosmetic changes to the human living quarters – that is, extending the house to provide a great deal more space. However, cats cannot be herded, will only cooperate if they are so inclined, and can squeeze through small gaps and leap and climb seemingly insurmountable obstacles with the greatest of ease.

I cannot visualise a throng of dairy felines waiting patiently at the milking parlour gate, miaouing quietly among themselves. Furthermore, would the cat farmer opt to milk by hand? Unlike cows, cats have sharp claws and teeth, so perhaps he might choose to use milking clusters. A cat has eight nipples (usually) so a cat cluster would look decidedly different to the bovine form.

Supposing the farmer has managed to milk his flock of felis catus, does he then pasteurise the product or is it safe to drink straight from the cat, so to speak? Is there a milk tanker – probably the size of a Mini Cooper - that arrives regularly at the cat farm to transport the day’s yield to a central depot where it is bottled or canned? How long can a cat be expected to lactate before she must have another litter? Then what happens to the kittens? Cows have one calf, very rarely two, but a cat may have anything from one to nine or ten young. We know what happens to calves . . .

There are many brands of kitten milk on the shelves of the pet supermarkets but it’s pretty safe to say that none of them have been collected from dairy cats.

 

Succinctly Yours Week 5

Grandma's Goulash at Succinctly Yours hosts this microfiction meme. Each week she posts a photographic prompt for inspiration and the challenge is to write a story using no more than 140 characters or words. 

Below is this week's photo followed by my offering.

Image courtesy of Grandma's Goulash

‘Look out, Bluebell,’ said Buttercup, ‘Here comes Fergus, all bullish and full of himself.’

‘H’mm,’ said Bluebell, ‘He’d better not try it on with me again. I haven’t got my figure back from last time yet.’

‘Come and lie down with the rest of us,’ suggested Lily. ‘You know that always makes it rain and Fergus doesn’t like getting wet.’

Buttercup sniggered, ‘He’s all talk and no horns, that one.’

The rest of the herd joined in the laughter and carried on chewing the cud. Fergus, watching from the adjoining field, snorted in disgust as the first drops of rain fell and went to shelter under the huge oak.

(109 words)

Cattle and TB

The scrolling caption at the bottom of the television screen stated that 25000 cattle were slaughtered after contacting TB. This led Barry and me to ponder how they managed to communicate.


Did the head cow, the leader of the herd - there doesn't seem to be a bovine equivalent of bellwether - pick up the phone? Rather difficult for a hoofed animal, but they're cleverer than they look, those cows. Maybe she was an independently minded modern heifer, not allowing any glass ceiling to prevent her advancement, and texted Mr TB. Perchance she used email. Whatever the form of exchange, did she then regret it, fearing she may have sealed her fate and that of her friends and relations?


Ms Heifer to her compatriots: 'Sisters, I have this day spoken to Mr TB and if I may quote Mr Chamberlain, "I believe it is peace for our time ... peace with honour." We shall prevail.'


The cows ceased their cud chewing to moo loud and long at her encouraging words. When it became apparent that there would be no amity and that she and 24999 of her extended family were doomed she was deeply saddened. Hearing the piteous lowing of her companions she addressed them once more, her beautiful dark brown eyes shining with unshed tears.


Ms Heifer: 'My fellow cows, it is with a heavy heart that I have to tell you that Mr TB has reneged on his word and that consequently this herd is at immediate danger. You can imagine what a bitter blow it is to me that all my long struggle to win life has failed. Yet I cannot believe that there is anything more or anything different that I could have done and that would have been more successful. I know that you will all play your part with calmness and courage for the sakes of your relatives far away who have been spared this terrible burden. I beg you not to blame the badgers - they are innocent of any evil motive.'


Ms Heifer quietly lowered her head and pulled a mouthful of sweet grass and began to ruminate, physically and meditatively. Her peers followed her example, listening all the while for the rumble of cattle lorries.

Microfiction Monday #20 Marathon

Susan at Stony River hosts this entertaining exercise in which a story is told in 140 characters - or less! Why not join in? Just click here.

Clover's winning the bovine marathon. Thank goodness they don't race to milking every day. Would be butter!

Uddermint

Those who have a working knowledge of cows will no doubt have heard of Uddermint, a product developed to enhance udder health. This liniment is rubbed into the affected quarter/s to soothe and clear (what it clears is not specified and it is perhaps better not to speculate!) It does not contain antibiotics and can be used alongside them. It is also a valuable ointment for massaging muscles and joints and at calving times, particularly for heifers, the primigravidae of the bovine world. It contains 35% Pure Japanese Peppermint Oil so it smells fresh and wholesome too. The tube has a handy hook allowing the user to suspend it from a convenient hanger.
I don't know any cows, though I once taught a little girl whose house cow gave birth to twins, which I gather is quite a remarkable event; therefore anyone reading this blog may wonder how I came to acquire a tube of Uddermint salve. My son-in-law meets an interesting range of people through his work and one is a Dorset dairy farmer. I don't know how big his herd is, or whether he still milks by hand, but he had occasion to use the udder balm on one of his cows. Now this poor man has arthritic joints in his hands and he noticed that they were less painful after he had massaged the afflicted cow's mammary gland. The cow's problem was alleviated and life went on as usual. A while later another cow required treatment so the farmer duly applied the fragrant unguent to her udder and again noted afterwards that his hands were not aching so much. It seemed to him that this was too much of a coincidence so he continued to rub the emolument into his hands.
Our son-in-law has some problems with his hands, not least being a lack of complete fingers on one of them but that's another story, so the farmer gave him some cream to try. Knowing it works he now carries some with him at all times and persuades others to try it for their various muscular and joint ailments. He's heard all the jokes but still manages to smile through the shouts of 'Holy Cow!', 'You're barmy (balmy)' and everyone's favourite, 'Pull the udder one.' The back of the tube carries important information.
If you're going to try it, read the advice on the back of the tube and avoid ointment contact with eyes and nose . . . oh yes, and keep it out of the reach of children. I thought it said 'chickens' before I put my glasses on and was imagining all sorts of poultry(or even paltry) reactions. I should think it ought to be kept away from sheep too – they don't like mint, maybe because they know they'll be keeping close company with it at the dinner table!