Good Luck Chuck

Director: Mark Helrich
Starring: Dane Cook, Jessica Alba, Dan Fogler, Ellia English, Chelan Simmons, Sasha Pieterse
Running Time: 96 Min.
Rating: R

** (out of ****)

I like to think I go into every film objectively, but who am I kidding? When you go into something like Good Luck Chuck there comes with it a certain set of expectations and not all of them are good. Especially when it stars two celebrities like Dane Cook and Jessica Alba who have so far proven themselves unworthy of being referred to as anything other than just "celebrities." This film does very little to change that and didn't go far at all in exceeding my already low expectations. I anticipated it being bad but I think what surprised me most was the manner in which was.

Cook is Chuck Logan, a dentist who in his adolescence has a hex put on him by a goth girl he rejected at a "Spin The Bottle" party in 1985. Now every woman he sleeps with falls in love and marries the next guy she dates after him. The secret gets out and girls are banging down his door. Of course, only in the movies would that be considered any kind of "curse." The only person who actually seems to recognize this is his best friend, Stu (Dan Fogler), resident plastic surgeon and pervert. That he's a plastic surgeon is a much more important detail in this film than it should be and a fact Stu not so subtly reminds us of throughout. Come to think of it, Stu is incapable of doing or saying anything "subtly."

The full effect of this hex is felt when Chuck meets and dates the clumsy but beautiful Cam (Alba) who he meets at his ex-girlfriend's wedding. She's prone to pratfalls, an unnecessary addition to josh Stolberg and Scott Glenn's already somewhat brainless script and a joke that's executed about 15 times too many during the course of the picture. It gets very, very tiresome. She's also a penguin keeper at the local zoo, one of the few details I enjoyed in the film. I like penguins because they're funny without ever trying to be, something you can't say about any of the humans in this picture. So now Chuck's problem is that if he sleeps with Cam he'll lose her for good. But how can he NOT sleep with her? It's Jessica Alba! So now Chuck (with help from Stu) has to figure out how to reverse this curse or at the least find some way around it. You probably won't be surprised to hear that the results of this are often vulgar and disgusting, lacking even the slightest hint of wit or intelligence on the part of screenwriters.

Considering the commercials and trailers for the film (which marketed it as a light romantic comedy) it really came out of left field how crude and crass it ended up being. There isn't a single scene that doesn't feature people either talking about sex or having it. Nearly every woman (except for Alba) appears topless and I was starting to think my copy of Good Luck Chuck was replaced with a soft-core porno. Don't get me wrong I'm not usually one to look a gift horse in the mouth but here it comes off strange and creepy. Besides the tone being way off, the way it's presented by director Mark Helrich is actually disturbing and uncomfortable. Imagine if a light, fluffy comedy like You've Got Mail was interrupted mid-film by a Boogie Nights training video. The obvious inspiration for this was raunchy R rated comedies like Wedding Crashers and Knocked Up, but all it does is succeed in imitating the misogynist spirit of the latter without any of the heart. In all fairness, even Knocked Up (which I didn't enjoy) was better than this. Not by much though. If your idea of a good time is watching Dan Fogler pleasure himself with a melon I'm sure you'll have a blast.

Jessica Alba is actually fine here. She's cute and adorable, which is really all she needs to be. She's in her comfort zone with this role and far from the biggest problem in the picture. But before she uncorks the champagne and starts celebrating not being awful for a change I still say she desperately needs to take this time off to sit down with her agent and have a long talk. In the past year or so you may have noticed the public's perception of her has slowly shifted from "She so hot!" to "Wow, she can't act at all." Unless she finds better projects with directors who will push her to improve as an actress she'll have problems because moviegoers are starting to catch on.

Cook, on the other hand, is woefully miscast. He has many critics but in his defense with this and Employee of the Month he hasn't exactly been given the greatest material or leading ladies. I don't think he's a bad actor but he's one that gives off a certain vibe and unless he's cast in the right role he won't be effective. He excels when playing a leech in a supporting role like in Mr. Brooks, but when we're asked to root for him as an underdog in a light comedy it doesn't work because he comes off as a womanizing creep. He has zero chemistry with Alba and they give off no sparks at all. Hilariously enough, he has better chemistry with the actresses who play the myriad of topless women who appear throughout the picture, one of whom (Chelan Simmons) is blessed with considerably more charisma and even looks better than Alba. She probably would have been a better choice for the lead.

The film's real horror is my old pal from Balls of Fury, Dan Fogler. It's never one person's fault that a movie fails but Fogler's performance here is as close as you're ever going to get. Every line of dialogue he shrieks and each word he yelps is like a hammer to the skull. The sole purpose of his presence in the film is to annoy the hell out of us. Mission accomplished. Scariest of all, this Tony-Award Winning star of stage and screen is actually set to play Alfred Hitchcock in the upcoming film, Number 13 later this year. The "Master of Suspense" is shaking in his grave I'm sure.

I have to admit there was one scene I found hysterical. It occurs toward the end and involves airport security. Although I'm not sure what it says when the actor playing the airport security guard gives a better performance than just about anyone else in the film. As bad as this movie is I'd still rank it above other comic disasters like Cook's own aforementioned Employee of the Month or something like The Heartbreak Kid because it did take risks and I wasn't bored. Just occasionally repulsed. The kindest thing I could say about Good Luck Chuck is at least it failed memorably, and not at all how I expected it to.

Fall TV Rundown

It's that time of the year again. When the television networks pollute the airwaves with 50,000 shows and, if we're lucky, maybe two of them will stick. Last year the big winner, surprisingly, was NBC with two critical hits (30 Rock and Friday Night Lights) that lived to see a second season and one monster critical and commercial hit (Heroes) that pretty much rescued the network. I forced myself to watch nearly every new show in preparation for this blog, which in some cases was pure torture. This was also made all the more difficult by the fact my DVR only works when it feels like it. On the bright side, the networks' offerings for Fall '07 are slightly better than usual. Most of the news shows are covered here as well as my thoughts on their chances of success (which I define as just living to see the end of this season). If a show's missing it's likely because I didn't watch it or it didn't debut yet.

Chuck (Monday, 8:00-9:00 pm NBC)
From O.C. creator Josh Schwartz comes this action-comedy about a geek who gets government secret intelligence downloaded to his brain. While this premise isn't nearly as clever as NBC seems to think it is and the pilot had some rough patches, the second episode started to show some promise. Zachary Levi is likeable enough as the lead and co-star Yvonne Strzechowski (pronounce that) looks more like a super model than a super spy, but it's difficult to make heads or tails out of what it's trying to do. It's really unlike any other program out there, which could be good or bad. Still, I'm pulling for this to make it if for no other reason than that the rest of the country can catch up with me and finally realize just how beautiful and talented an actress Sarah Lancaster is. She plays Chuck's sister.
Verdict: This is a tough call because the show is just so bizarre. I'm betting it'll probably make it since this isn't a tough time slot and NBC has been showing rare signs of patience these last couple of seasons. They have a lot riding on this one. Rachel Bilson has an upcoming guest starring role, which should do something for ratings, even if Lancaster and Bilson appearing together on the same show may cause me to lapse into full cardiac arrest.


The Big Bang Theory (Monday, 8:30-9:00 pm CBS)
A hot blonde (playe by Caley Kuoco) moves in next door to two nerds as Monday geek night continues. I will give this show credit for keeping its premise simple in a year where every network seems to want to overcomplicate things. It has its funny moments but it isn't exactly a show I'd run home and tell my friends about. Then again, neither is any other sitcom on CBS's lineup.
Verdict: CBS has a special gift of somehow getting tons of viewers to watch whatever crappy sitcom they throw on (i.e. Two and a Half Men). This will be no exception and slide right in.

K-Ville (Monday, 9:00-10:00 pm FOX)
Two cops (played by Anthony Anderson and Cole Hauser) are mismatched partners in post-Katrina New Orleans in this "gritty crime drama." While the show really benefits from an interesting setting and its actors, it doesn't benefit from its jarring hand held camera work (a minor complaint). Unfortunately, I'm so sick of crime shows that even if this were the greatest in the history of television I probably couldn't recommend it.
Verdict: Haha. Are you kidding me? It's up against Heroes. FOX could run MASH in this time slot and it wouldn't draw any viewers.

Journeyman (Monday, 10:00-11:00 pm NBC)
You know what? This show is actually very good. It takes a simple premise (guy can travel back in time) and executes it well. I like how it doesn't dwell on the details of how he can time travel, but rather the lives he affects. It reminded me of Quantum Leap in that respect, which is high praise. The pilot was good, but the second episode could almost be considered great. Kevin McKidd (who uncannily resembles Daniel Craig) is very good in the lead.
Verdict: Any show that follows Heroes is in a no-win situation where they're bound to see massive viewer drop off. I love time travel shows, but America has always seemed to hate them. Hopefully this makes it because it's better than 90 percent of the other new shows this season. If not, NBC still deserves credit for programming this night really well. It's probably the best night of television on any of the networks. If they fail, it's not for lack of trying.

Cavemen (Tuesday 8:00-8:30 pm ABC)
Just as bad as you feared is the best way to describe this mess. I actually find the Geico caveman commercials amusing in small doses and if the actual premise of a caveman trying to fit into society was fully exploited for laughs this could have worked. Unfortunately, the writers seem to think that just the fact that these guys are cavemen is funny. It isn't. I could be wrong, but it doesn't even look like they cast the guy who was in the commercials, which was a huge mistake since his deadpan line delivery is really why the whole joke worked to begin with. I'd rather see a show starring the Geico adult Cabbage Patch Kid instead. Now that's funny.
Verdict: If you're curious how bad this is, catch it while you can, because it may gone by next week. Once again, ABC proves their complete ineptness at developing comedies. Amazingly, the show that follows it at 8:30, Carpoolers, starring Jerry O' Connell, is FAR WORSE.

Reaper (Tuesday, 9:00-10:00 pm CW)
While I'm not head over heels in love with this as much as everyone else seems to be (I'm just tired of the supernatural) it's definitely one of the best new shows of the season. No criticisms here. Affable, goofy young man realizes his parents sold his soul to the Devil at birth. Unlike most of the other new shows this year, when this pilot ended I realized I actually cared what would happen next with these characters. It was a feeling that this show actually had a future and would take me interesting places. That Kevin Smith directed that episode probably helped. Bret Harrison (who starred on Fox's unjustly cancelled The Loop) gets strong support from Ray Wise as Satan and Tyler Labine as his live wire best friend.
Verdict: CW doesn't have much of a choice here. They've built their whole network around two shows this year and this is one of them. They also seem committed to giving it the time it needs to build an audience. Plus, really, what else do they have? On this network it only needs a couple of million viewers to be successful and that's what it'll get. Unfortunately, promos for the show have made it look like a clone of NBC's Chuck (with the Devil instead of the government), which it isn't at all.

Back To You (Wednesday, 8:00-8:30 pm FOX)
Kelsey Grammer is a gifted comic actor. I don't know much about Patricia Heaton but I've heard she's really talented. Having said that, this is probably THE SINGLE WORST NEW SHOW OF THE SEASON. I can handle it not being funny, but what I can't handle is how painfully dated it is. It belongs on NBC's 1987 Fall TV schedule and that it's actually gotten favorable reviews from major critical outlets across the country really scares me. Here's something scarier: An executive was likely paid millions of dollars to pitch this show about bickering ex-lovers reunited as television anchors. How can they not realize how stupid this idea is, no matter whom they get to star in it? It's really amazing to think this comes from the same network that just a couple of years ago aired the most ground breaking comedy in the history of American television, Arrested Development. This show also accomplishes a near impossible feat: It makes Fred Willard unfunny.
Verdict: If it's still on the air by the time you read this I'll be shocked.

Pushing Daisies (Wednesday, 8:00-9:00 pm ABC)
What an awesome show. Fantasy, comedy and fairy tale are mixed perfectly in this show from Men In Black director Barry Sonnenfeld. It stars Lee Pace as a pie maker who can bring back the dead with one touch and send them back to the grave if he touches them again. Things get complicated when he resurrects his murdered childhood crush (played by Anna Friel). It stands as a rare example of voice-over narration actually benefiting the storytelling on a television show instead of distracting us. It feels like it belongs on HBO or Showtime instead of ABC. They really hit the jackpot here. It's also great to see Chi McBride finally land on a quality show after what must be his 7,000th attempt in the past 5 years. This is by far the best pilot I've seen and the different directions they can take this show are limitless with its clever premise. Here's hoping they don't screw it up. Perhaps the only show on here I can guarantee I will watch again.
Verdict: Whether this makes it or not the fact remains that ABC really hit one out of the park and they should be congratulated for showing a spark of intelligence for a change. That it's up against Back To You on Fox should help its chances considerably but I just have this awful feeling it won't make it. It's too good and too inventive. We know what happens to shows like that.

Bionic Woman (Wednesday, 9:00-10:00 pm NBC)
I knew this show was in trouble the second I saw Miguel Ferrer in it, who's appeared in more cancelled shows and jumped the shark more times than Ted McGinley. Continuing the tv trend this year of casting foreign actors in lead American roles, British actress Michelle Ryan stars in this update of the cheesy 1976 show. It's less cheesy, but from the pilot I watched, a whole lot more boring. It's interesting to note that Battlestar Gallactica's Katee Sackoff, (who plays the bionic villain) blows Ryan away in terms of screen presence and it's clear they made a mistake not casting her in the title role. For weeks, promos have been promising (threatening?) Isaiah Washington will be joining the show. Last night that happened. Hopefully, everyone in the cast is straight for their sakes. Sadly, his presence can only help this show. I'll give it time, but will NBC?
Verdict: As expected, this got strong ratings initially, but unless things get infinitely more exciting and interesting there's no way this will make it to the end of the season. I will give NBC credit though. These past two years they've been making strides and have at least been trying new things.

Private Practice (Wednesday 9:00-10:00 pm ABC)
ABC gets two hits that skew female then all of the sudden their entire schedule turns into Lifetime's. It's puzzling why they'd be interested in eliminating their entire male audience (lost=""> notwithstanding), but now they've taken the necessary steps toward eliminating what's left of their female audience as well. It's never enough of a good thing for greedy ABC as they continue to milk the cash cow that is Grey's Anatomy, which if you think about it, really has no spin-off potential at all. NBC is spinning off Heroes (and I'm still not sure that's a great idea), but at least that show has a deep mythology from which you can draw. Grey's is just a soap set in a hospital. This wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but to put that in perspective, I was expecting the worst television show of all time. Hilariously, its "A-List" cast consists almost entirely of cast-offs from other failed ABC shows.
Verdict: This will make it to the end of the season. Guaranteed. That's because ABC will keep giving excuses how they're "giving it time to grow" because they don't want to have egg all over their faces when it bombs. It'll limp its way to the finish line this spring, not living to see another second season.

Gossip Girl (Wednesday 9:00-10:00 pm CW)
I realize I'm not in the target audience for this show but I have to say that for who it's aimed for (teen girls) and what it's trying to do, it's an unqualified success. This is the other show this season that has O.C. creator Josh Schwartz's fingerprints on it and the best way to describe it is The O.C. transplanted in New York City. It won't come anywhere close to reaching the heights of that show, but I can see it having legs for this network. All this has to do is be a silly guilty pleasure no one admits to watching and it's done its job. So far, so good. Between this and Chuck, we'll finally find out if Schwartz was a one-hit wonder. So far I'm leaning towards no.
Verdict: A very likely hit. Or at least the closest the CW can have to one.

Life (Wednesday 10:00-11:00 pm NBC)
If you've ever wondered what would happen if Dr. House became a cop then this is the show for you. Damien Lewis plays an officer back on the beat after 12 years of wrongful imprisonment. Sharing the crown for worst titled show of the new season with Chuck, this is actually an interesting take on a very, very familiar genre and plays more like a quirky character study than a crime show. Still, as great as Lewis is in the role it is at its core a police procedural and we really don't need another one of those. This show is about ten thousand times better than its lead-in, Bionic Woman but I have a feeling viewers won't want to hang around and give it a chance. It's somewhat engaging though.
Verdict: NBC is asking the world here. They put in very little promotional effort for this and are testing viewers' patience if they think anyone can even make it through Bionic Woman to watch it. It's also competing against a stronger show on another network in this timeslot. I've heard rumors they're already thinking of canceling it after it failed to draw anyone in this week. This may be the very first show to bite the dust, which is a shame because it's actually pretty good. I can think of many more on here that deserve to get the axe first.

Dirty Sexy Money (Wednesday 10:00-11:00 pm ABC)
Another unfortunately titled show that surprisingly is pretty damn good and could be categorized as compulsively watchable. I wouldn't call it appointment viewing every week but it's one of the few new shows that really stand a chance here. Six Feet Under's Peter Krause stars as Nick, the idealistic family lawyer for the wealthy, but very eccentric Darling family of New York City, headed by patriarch Donald Sutherland. It may be kind of a train wreck, but it was one of those train wrecks you can't take your eyes off of. The performances help an otherwise uninspired premise. Jill Clayburgh, Billy Baldwin and the underrated Samarie Armstrong co-star.
Verdict: It will handily deliver a sound thrashing to NBC's Life immediately and knock it off the air. I can see this show doing well, at least initially, but its future may depend on how strong a lead-in Private Practice ends up being. Since ABC is unlikely to admit defeat on either and this is a wimpy time slot, expect this show to stick around.

Here's The Final Score Card:
The Best: Pushing Daisies, Reaper, Journeyman, Gossip Girl
The Worst: Back To You, Cavemen, Carpoolers, Bionic Woman, Private Practice

Some Other Favorites:
Heroes (Monday, 9:00-10:00 pm NBC) The second half of its freshman season was wildly uneven and the finale left a lot to be desired, but it looks to be off to a strong start so far. With new revelations and cast members I can only see it getting better as the season wears on.

Friday Night Lights (Friday, 9:00-10:00 NBC) Well, on the bright side NBC brought it back. Unfortunately, this Friday timeslot is a death sentence. I guess I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Watch it. Please.

Survivor (Thursday, 8:00-9:00 pm CBS) This show's still good. No, I'm kidding it isn't and I can't think of any good reason to watch it anymore. Its premiere a couple of weeks ago justifiably garnered the lowest ratings in the shows history. I don't know how much more of this I can take to be honest. I promised myself I'd watch 30 Rock this year so I may do that instead. I also need to watch The Office, which I've seen only a couple of times.

Damages (Tuesday, 10:00-11:00 FX) If you haven't been watching this show don't bother doing it now because you won't understand what the hell is going on. I've been watching it religiously and sometimes I'm not sure what's going on. If you've seen this you know how good it is and if Glenn Close (literally "the boss from hell") and Ted Danson (as an embezzling, philandering, coke-snorting billionaire) are not onstage accepting Emmys next year I'll be very upset. And I'm not even a fan of legal shows. FX proves itself to once again be the go-to network for the best original series' on television.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (Sunday, 10:00-10:30 pm HBO) I don't get HBO anymore so I can't watch it. I'll have to live vicariously through everyone else until Season 7 comes out on DVD. It's killing me.