Fergid

Well, Fergid is happy and stable...he hasn't grown a single millimeter and is still 14.5, so I can go to a two-year MRI schedule.

What does bother me is the side view:

From that view, it really looks like it should be affecting my brain, but the doc assures me it's not (although I'm not that big on doctor assurances lately). If it does grow another .5 of a millimeter, then we have to start talking radiation or head-cracking, but he said I could go my entire life without it changing at all or it could literally blow up over night (something to look forward to).

While I had his attention, I did ask him if any studies had been done about Asperger's and meningiomas and he said to his knowledge there haven't been. Then he showed me another MRI image that actually shows my Aspergers, but it has too much patient information on the pic and I don't have the energy to edit it all out (and I'm sure you guys don't care anyway).

Ferg-id is alive and kicking

I debated whether or not I wanted to "broadcast" this news, especially since only one member of my family is going to know about it (if she ever calls me back), but I need to tell someone and this is my only forum. I had my annual MRI day before yesterday like I do every year about this time to check on Ferg-id Quinn (and for those that don't know, that's the name I've given the benign brain tumor in my head...a mash-up of my three least-favorite bosses names). I fully expected that he would be stable and that I could go to having an MRI every two years instead of every year but that, unfortunately, wasn't the case. He has grown a millimeter (which doesn't sound like much, but when you're talking tumors, be they benign or cancerous, that's not good). If he stays on this course, I have anywhere from 5 to 10 years before he'll have to be removed. If he gets the right amount of hormones (and, considering my age, that is now a very real possibility), he could literally double in size in just a few months time or he could just stop growing altogether.

It wasn't all gloom and doom however (although I might beg to differ). He is growing away from my cortex (the middle of my brain) which is why he is so dangerous in the first place...his location. As long as he continues to spread away from it, then his eventual eviction will be easier and the less damage he can do. The closer he gets to the cortex, the more I risk permanent and more serious damage (whatever trouble he causes cannot be undone, even with removal, no matter which way he goes).

Because of his current parking space, they can't go in through my eye socket and pull him out, but they will have to literally crack my skull and they will only be able to take part of him out. Radiation will have to do the rest. He lives in an area that just can't be cut on. I'm not scared of that and, as a matter of fact, I'd prefer to get it over with now instead of in 5 to 10 years when I don't know what kind of health I will be in. But because he's still not the "right size" (whatever the heck that means), they don't want to risk the invasive surgery to remove him. I get that it is a major surgery, but I'd rather have it now while I'm still relatively young and can handle it better (and before I go blind or deaf or whatever other trouble he can get into). The thought of having seizures terrifies me and always has. A literal hair's width closer to the cortex and I'm looking at them for the rest of my life.

I've worked in the medical field most of my life...so has my mother, my aunt, my sister, another aunt, and several cousins. I know how insurance works, how hospitals work, and how doctors think, but it still doesn't prepare me for being a patient. Patient-me has a dangerous foreign body in my brain and I want it gone. It makes so much more sense to me to take it out now while it's still small and easy to get more of it. Medical-me knows that insurance isn't going to pay unless it's life-threatening or has already caused damage (which makes NO sense because preventive medicine is always cheaper on insurance than the diseases themselves), hospitals don't like to do brain surgeries because they are expensive and use up too many resources (got no quip for that, they are just cheap and greedy bastards), and doctors don't like to not do things perfectly (because most of them really do have god complexes).

I can see both sides of the argument, but today patient-me is the dominant one and she's really upset. I'm not scared of dying, never have been, but I am scared of having seizures or going blind or deaf, loosing arm or leg movement, or even something as simple as loosing my sense of smell, taste, or touch and having to live that way. Even worse, I fear ending up in such a state that other people have to take care of me. It could happen at any second or it could never happen and I have to live with this. It's one thing to know that you could have a car wreck at any moment, it's another thing to be told you WILL have a car wreck, we just don't know when and what state you'll end up in. I hate to be a whiny-butt, but it's just not fair!

But anyhoo, enough already, it's time to get back to the real world, so here's my little companion:

If I want to be positive, my head fat is a lot smaller than it was last year...that's good, right? If nothing else, I am good at deflection! Guess I got yet another early Birthday present today, yea me.

Re-introduce Myself Blogfest

Today is the Re-introduce Myself Blogfest, a chance for new followers to discover the madness that is me!

I've told parts of my story a lot, so most of you aren't strangers to it. I started this blog after my withdraw from Facebook, as a way to still be social, but without having to read about the lives of people I went to high school with (who I didn't care about then, much less now). I wanted to share my stitching progress, brag about my pup, mercilessly plug Walt Disney World and pretty much all things Disney, as well as describe what it's like as an adult with Asperger's, OCD, and Social Anxiety Disorder. I think I've pretty much managed to beat all those topics into the ground with vigor, but that's what an Asper-girl does...I don't love much, but what I do love gets 200% of my heart and soul!

Not long after starting my blog, it was discovered I have a left temporal lobe meningioma (a benign brain tumor). I named the tumor after my two least favorite bosses and, upon occasion, you will see mention of Ferg-id and his evil plot to make my brain explode! I've been able to share my experiences with Ferg-id as well as my constant struggle with severe migraines (well, actually, I just whine a lot about not being able to stitch or blog because my head hurts or because I'm doped to the hilt).

I do participate in a couple of different blogging events, most of which are stitch related, but I'm very selective about the kinds of blogging events I join. I am, after all, a social-phobe, and every "public" event I join has consequences with my psyche. I'd like to say that blogging has helped me socially, but it really hasn't. I force social interaction because I know it's "good" for me, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. At least with blogging it's all about me versus Facebook which was all about everyone else. I have, however, made a couple of really good friends who I hope will stick with me long after my blogging career has ended!

I mainly post about stitching, but every once in a while I jump on my extremely high soapbox and mouth until I feel better. I wish I could say I regret a lot of my soapbox rants because I have been known to hurt the occasional friend, but that would be a lie (when the powers that be were giving out empathy and compassion, I must have either been in another line or on a plane to Disney). I have been known to do the occasional review or two about a favorite British television show or a band, but those are typically few and far between.

That's basically all there is to me and my blog! I'm extremely opinionated, offensive at times, self-absorbed, passionate to a fault, but immensely loyal and dedicated to the things that matter most to me as long as they are loyal back. I just realized...I'm a female Mr. Darcy (well, without the fortune, I'm as poor as a mouse). "My good opinion once lost is lost forever" pretty much sums me up in a nutshell!

Ferg-id is alive and well!

I wanted to wait until I officially spoke to the neurosurgeon to tell you guys the news.

Ferg-id Quinn #1:


Ferg-id Quinn #2:


Ferg-id is not growing but is getting a bit denser (in layman's terms). So, I guess the good news is, no skull cutting. Bad news is it isn't the cause of my headaches which means the neurologist has been right all along and it's the stress from my job. Frankly, I think I'd rather have my skull cracked open, it would be a much easier fix. I've been fighting the neurologist for so long, swearing that my headaches had nothing to do with the stress from my job, but now I have to suck it up and realize he's right and things have to change, or I've gotta get a new job.

It's my fault that things are like they are, I've allowed them to milk me for every drop of blood I have, and I gave it gladly for the good of the company, but the longer I'm there and the less I see others doing, the more resentful I'm becoming. It's literally eating me alive. The new job is supposed to make life better (when it starts), but so far, things are getting much much worse. Tomorrow is a new day and, as of now, tomorrow will be different...one way or the other. Now, if I could just stick to it...

Oh, and for those that don't know, Ferg-id Quinn is my left frontal lobe meningioma named after the three doctors I work for that make my life, in a word (or at least a nice word), difficult.

Stitch Update and major milestone!

Well, I have done it! I've finished row 3! I'm about to start page 19 and am within a hairs breath of being halfway through!

Here is the end of row 3:


And a rare look at the entire piece so far (even for me):


I still haven't had any time to update the rest of my world...but hopefully after I have my MRI on Tuesday, I'll have enough weight off my shoulders to be able to resume normal activity.

Until then...have a good week everyone and maybe I'll actually be able to catch up on blogs this week. I'm so far behind now, it's ridiculous! Now I must go off and be a good friend (because I have been a crappy one lately).

Update (in more ways than one)

I have been horrible at blogging recently, but I have good reason - everything at work is about to change, which, in turn, is about to change my entire life (I just hope it's for the better!). I've worked so hard for so long, I just hope it's about to pay off. Once the official decision is made, I'll have a new job (with hopefully a new salary), new "normal" hours-in both time of day and length of shift (which probably freaks me more than the extra responsibility), and the scariest of all - a week's long training course by myself. I was able to choose where (and you can only guess where I've chosen-Orlando of course), but the when I couldn't choose, two months after our official Disney trip. I don't even want to think about it too much right now...one lump at a time. Besides, they are definitely milking me for everything I have until then, so I don't have much of a chance TO worry about it!

And speaking of lumps, the lump in my head is getting scanned next week as well. If it's growing it will explain so much about my head, but could mess everything up with my job because they will want to cut it out (which will also make the pain stop). If it's not growing, then it doesn't explain the headaches and I get to live to continue living with them for heaven knows how long - a right cluster...well, you know cluster what. I don't want to think about that either.

A good thing to focus on is the Duran Duran show is this Friday night! But, (and I promise I'm not trying to find negatives everywhere), there are massive fears with that as well. I don't know the venue or how it's all gonna work yet and I don't do well with the unknown. My social problems are kicking up a right stink just at the moment. So, moving on...

One more chance at positivity for this week, a stitch update - but unfortunately, I didn't do very good with that either...see for yourself - Monday's work:


to today's:


I'm not nearly as far as I wanted to be, but at least she doesn't look freakish anymore! Plus, I was a bit worried about the colors not blending right, but the more I filled them in, the better they got. HAED's never cease to surprise me! Now, if I could just get over the 5 o'clock shadow it looks like she's got, I'll be extremely happy!

Hopefully, I will get a chance to check everyone else's blogs this week and get a bit of work done on my little girl as well. Things will happen as they happen, no need to upset myself by thinking about it (which is Asper speak for if I don't think about anything, I don't have to deal with anything)! Besides, things will catch up to me soon enough!

I stitched on IHSW and got Liebster awards!

It's been a couple of weeks, but I think my mojo is coming back! OK, so I didn't do a lot of work, but I did what I could with a headache. I had to keep stopping and starting, but I'm still proud of my little bit-o progress!  At least I got something done for IHSW!!  So without further ado:

The 35th Anniversary Celebration:


And A Walk Through The Highlands:


Apparently in my absence from the blog world...awards have appeared and two people have given them to me! I have to say I'm more than a bit surprised and humbled!  MangoGirl At Naughts & Cross Stitches and my pal Vickie over at Reading And Stitching both thought enough of me to give me this honor!  And I'm supposed to pass it on.  This is not something I'm very good at, but I'm gonna give it a shot!  Funny thing is, both these ladies would have been one of my five!

Liebster is a German word, meaning favorite, dearest or beloved, and the Liebster is awarded by bloggers to other, newer bloggers who have fewer than 200 followers, to spread the word and help the new(er)bies gain wider recognition. The award comes with four conditions that each recipient must satisfy when accepting:

1. Choose five up-and-coming blogs (with fewer than 200 followers) to award the Liebster to.

2. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.

3. Post the award on your blog. List the bloggers you are giving the award to with links to their sites. Leave comments on their blogs so they know about the award.

4. Share five random facts about yourself that people don't know about you.

Ok, the bloggers that I am giving this award to are:

1) Katy over at Momuboocrea Island - One of the best things that has come from blogging!  What a great friend she has become and what a fantastic person!!  I can't imagine life without our weather swaps!  But then again, she is to blame for my new obsession for Crunchies!!

2) AbbyBeth at The Tomboy Princess - Another new friend and a fellow Disney lover!  A pretty strong girl who has been an inspiration even if she doesn't know it!  Hope to see you in October in WDW!!

3) The Crafty Princess - Her stitching is absolutely amazing and I find it mind-boggling that she can do so many WIP's at one time!

4) Nikki at Nikki's Stitching - Another fabulous stitcher who never ceases to amaze me at the varying subjects she stitches!  I find myself drawn to her blog just to see what's next!

5) Five wasn't as hard as I thought it would be! Mcewan07 at Cross Stitch W.I.P. is the kind of stitcher I wanna be when I grow up!  Her work looks flawless!!

Ok, now for the hard part. 5 random facts about me that people don't know (and for me this will be really tough because I've been pretty forthright on my blog and in life):

1) I'm terrified of spiders, but the bug that scares me the most is ladybugs!  Years ago when I lived in the country, it was a migratory year or something for the little monsters and they covered my house for about a month!  But that wasn't the bad part...one night I opened the back door and thousands, and I do mean thousands, of them fell on me!  A scene right out of a horror movie!  Live bugs, no matter how "cute" covering you is terrifying!  That was about 15 years ago and I still find ladybug corpses in my house upon occasion!

2) I don't eat yellow candy.  Don't know why, I just refuse to do it and always have.  I even pick out the yellow M&M's!  It's not because they are lemon, or pineapple or whatever flavor yellow happens to be, it's just a weird phobia!

3) I was in my late 30's before I ever stepped foot in a liquor store!  It just wasn't something I could bring myself to do.  It's not something I have a problem with now!  I've become quite the wine lover!

4)  Speaking of beverages, I am a total tea snob!  Tea should never be made instantly, herbals are NOT teas, and good tea, made right, needs absolutely no sugar - besides, you can't taste the flavor of the blend if it's sweet.  Oh, and once you get a taste of the good stuff, Lipton tastes like grass!  Totally ruins your dining out experience when you want a good glass of tea in a restaurant and you know the second you taste it, it's Lipton!

5) I miss my daddy.  I shouldn't.  He doesn't deserve it.  It may be our Scottish pride dragging this rift out, but I can't make him love me and considering everything I'm going through with my head, he's got to be the least of my worries!  Guaranteed he doesn't give me a moment's thought I just wish I could do the same.  Wonder what he'd say if he knew I had a brain tumor?  Probably nothing.  I just hate that I can't forget him and I hate that I think about him every single day.  Totally sucks.  I may act all big and tough when it comes to my father, but he is definitely my Achilles heel!

Wow, that's a positive note to end on!

Ok...Hopefully you will stop by and visit my friends blogs!!!  That's the award process!  Everyone enjoy!

Ferg-id can hide no more!

Well, here he is folks! The illustrious Ferg-id Quinn! It's true what they say, pictures really do add weight because he looks huge!!



The neurosurgeon has given him a 6 month reprieve. He gets to live in my head for at least that much longer then I have another MRI and we'll see. Part of me is pissed off...I don't want this thing in my head, part of me is relieved, I don't want my skull cracked open. It's a catch 22!

Oh well, gotta get to work!

Video: Ferg-id dedication

It seems like forever since I posted a video, and I know I'm boring when it comes to videos...it's either Take That or Darren Hayes, but I can't help it! But lately, because of stupid Ferg-id (and for those that don't know...Ferg-id is the name of my menginioma), it's been really hard for me to listen to music because it's just too much sensory overload. So, in light of tomorrow's (or I guess since it's almost 3 am, I should say today's visit to the neurosurgeon), here's a video dedication to little Ferg-id with my most heart-felt love! The lyrics to both fit pretty darn good!!

Darren should ALWAYS be heard live. Period.


And since another song is on my mind and I'm apparently going far back in time...let's add another one...a very young (and probably very stoned) Mark Owen (God, even stoned, he's totally hot!). I would do a Take That song, but theirs tend to be a bit too lovey dovey and Mark's solo stuff is far more in tune with me anyway lyrically (although I swear Darren Hayes sneaks into my head when I'm not looking because that man writes my life!):

TUSAL show off time

Well, here it is, my poor pitiful Ort...it's grown about the same size as Ferg-id! HA! I was hoping if I put it against the right background, you couldn't tell that there is very little difference from this month and last month and so I was right!


Also, my newest acquisition:


Thanks to everyone for your kind words for my progress this last IHSW! At least they may me feel not so bad for my crappy progress! Maybe once I have at least a somewhat clear head (well, minus a med or two, the lump, I'm afraid, still has his fate undecided), I'll get back to my master progress! I miss those days of finishing a page a weekend!

Guess what I got?!?!

I did it! I got the Lion King Kinkade cross stitch! Believe it or not, they had it at my local po-dunk Hobby Lobby and I got the last one!! Plus, I had my 40% off coupon, so I only paid about $22 for it!! Whoo-hoo! I'll add it to my stash tonight when I do my TUSAL post!

I just needed to take a work break because I'm having a freak out moment...tomorrow is the big day with the neurosurgeon! I'm terrified he won't take out the tumor, I'm terrified he will take it out...I'm debating whether or not to break my 7 year long split with my father to let him know I have a lump in my head (although someone else would have to do it for me because I'm not gonna be the first to break...I DO have my Scottish pride and I'll only let someone else cross the picket line if I have surgery!). Basically, I had my first night without my Effexor and I'd probably be freaking anyway. The night before I visit the neurosurgeon probably wasn't the best time to get off the most addictive anti-depressant on the market!

But hey, on the plus side, I had a night last night filled with nightmare after nightmare and woke up about every 20 minutes, only to lapse into yet another nightmare! Oh wait, is that a plus? Well, compared to tomorrow's happenings...yeah, kind of a plus! I'm opting to weening slowly, one pill every other day for about two weeks, then complete stoppage...so we'll just see.

Oh well, back to work...8:30 am (heaven help me) is the verdict on Ferg-id's fate and I gotta get outta here sometime! Wish me luck guys!

DEATH TO FERG-ID QUINN!

TUSAL post to follow when I get home!

What a week!

First off...my wonderful Sister took my last post to heart because this arrived at work yesterday:


But then, she had to take me to the ER with a massive headache (the first time I have ever a-been to the ER with a headache and b-missed work because of one). This headache was completely different than the ones I'm used to though, and, upon reflection, it scared me as well (although I was Miss Brave Pants at the time).

I've learned that hydrocodone is a completely useless drug and I don't know why people kill to get it, so I hit the Stadol yesterday, which I have a different reaction to everytime...yesterday was apparently stoner reaction day. That put one of my doc bosses in total freak out mode - they usually aren't around when I'm having a bad headache (or I hide it well), but it's really hard to hide stoner mode! Needless to say, by the end of the day, he had my sister up here, had me rushed into the ER, and had me an appointment scheduled with the neurosurgeon for next week! Sometimes it's good to have connections (sometimes, it's just annoying because they get all up in your business).

I think the most important lesson I learned yesterday was suffer through the headache until the coast is clear to use the Stadol or you'll end up in the ER! Can't wait till that bill shows up! But then again, between the MRI last week and the CT they did in the ER, I'm sure I've met my insurance stop loss and any future med costs for the year should be covered!

But, hats off to Am, baby sis of the year, for putting up with her useless big sis!

And oh, BTW, in case you were wondering, that is my desk at work covered in Disney crap and that is just the tip of the iceberg! And you thought my house was bad!

Happy make single people feel inferior day!

I'm happy to be single...after my marriage, I'm lucky I didn't end up in a convent (only with my religious views they'd kick me out in about 2 seconds!).

But watching the worst of the office people get roses and flowers and bears and balloons all day can really make even the most content single person feel worthless!

T took me out for dinner on Sunday and we spent the day shopping as a Valentine's treat, but T is my best friend and I love him...like family (which, in my case, means my Sister since she's the only real family I got), doesn't really count in the romance department!

Normally I don't care, but must there be a holiday that shoves it in our face?  I'd like to get a dozen purple roses just because someone loves me and not because it was my birthday one year and my aunt got them on sale (and it was only a half dozen).

This must be the work of Ferg-id, making me feel things I normally wouldn't care crap about!  I've made it through dozens of Valentine's Days and haven't cared before!  Either that or it's the meds!

Resort/restaurant review - Indian Burial Ground Resort

I've had enough dealing with Ferg-id and his erratic moods.   It's time to get back into full Disney mode!

I'm going to do a review of a resort I've never actually stayed at, but I've taken tea at several times, The Indian Burial Ground Resort, or, as most people know it, The Grand Floridian Resort And Spa.

I guess I should first explain why I call it The Indian Burial Ground Resort!  Ever been to a place that gives you a "vibe"?  My spidey-sense is stronger than most people.  Most Asper-girls typically have stronger than normal senses;  hearing, vision (except in my case, I have keratoconus so my vision totally sucks), smell, taste, touch, and some have a stronger sixth sense as well (a higher than normal sensitivity to energy, not psychic, 98% of psychics are fakes).  But this energy sensitivity is why Asper-girls aren't keen on people...their energy can be overwhelming and also why we are good judges of character - you can lie through your teeth about who you are, but your energy can't be faked.  Another reason why a lot of Asper-kids don't like to be touched...they don't understand why people make them feel weird so they shy away from people coming near them...I'm still that way, I don't like to be touched, I'd prefer people keep their juju to themselves!  But I digress.

Now, to clarify, I've never felt or seen a ghost at the GF, it's just a negative vibe over the whole complex...like Gettysburg or New Orleans or The Biltmore or Arlington or Key West or any other site with a history.

Moving on...Here it is from the beach at the Polynesian - it's modeled after the Hotel Del Coronado in San Diego (another famously haunted location BTW).

Here's the tea room:

Here's our spread...depending on what package your get, you get different options,  but we usually do the Grand Tea.  Normally I prefer a dark black tea, but they have a special Garden View blend (that you can also buy in a tin to take home, as well as all the other teas they sell) that is pretty similar to a Lady Grey with the citrus-y Bergamot flavor, but it has hints of Assam and Keemun as well.  I'm a total tea snob and I really love this tea...that says a lot!

We've done it several times and plan on doing it again this trip since we didn't do it last time.  It's definitely well worth the experience!

If you'd like to peruse the choices, here's the direct link at All Ears for the menu.

Now, as far as the resort itself goes, Am and Matt stayed their for their anniversary and she loves it (but keep in mind this is a girl who's not only been to the real Hotel del Coronado, but the Queen Mary, the Biltmore, The Winchester House and numerous other haunted locations...and has no problems, she actually enjoys them...need I say more?  And people say I'm the weird one!).

So there you go...The Indian Burial Ground Resort!  If you have no qualms about high energy locations, give it a shot!  It is a beautiful resort, it has some great shops (and it's own private Basin store), but, if you are like me, just spend an hour in the tea room...the lingering energy wears off pretty quickly once you get back into a park!

Setting the record straight...

OK folks, look...I haven't had any probs from my cyber friends because I think that ya'll read my blog and apparently understand me better than my apparent "real" friends and the people I'm around everyday.  But for the others, the ones who have taken my last post in a completely offensive vain...in the simplest terms...screw you!  I'm not going to get upset about something I have no control over and play the martyr, and if you knew me at all, you'd know that!  If one more person comes up to me and tells me I really shouldn't joke about my condition, I'm gonna punch them!

With everything I've been through in my life, one more log on the so-called funeral pyre isn't gonna cause me to scream louder! Christ-all-mighty!  Get a grip people!  I'm not a whiner or a wailer and I'm not about to start now!  So I have a mass in my head...I can't fix it, and crying 24/7 won't make it better, so why not make myself feel better by telling a joke or two?  Where is the harm in laughing about it?  It's my mass to laugh at, not yours!  It's my life being affected, not yours!  It's my cross to bear and if I choose to decorate it with sequins and glitter and Mickey Mouse heads, then by God, then so I shall!

Trust me, I am taking this situation very seriously...but I can't control it, so why make myself even sicker worrying about it?  And to those (you know who you are) who are planning my funeral as we speak...THIS IS ABOUT ME, NOT YOU!!!  For once, the world doesn't revolve around you!

Soapbox dismount...but my temper is still flared and if I get a headache because I'm pissed about this...well, that IS on your head!!

Here's what I know...

absolutely nothing...say it again...WAR!  Sorry...couldn't help myself!  Spoke with the doctor's nurse this morning and as of now, we are in watch the mass grow mode.  I feel like my head should be a clear glass dome so everyone can get a look!  If it grows quickly, then we'll discuss Delta team extraction methods, but otherwise, watch the enemy and report to headquarters any activity...do not engage, repeat, do not engage!

I go back to the neuro in March and we'll see what he says then (plus, I'm taking Delta team leader Am in to light a fire under the general's arse so that extraction can occur sooner rather than later...there might have to be a black op mission in my future!).

The mass more than likely has been there most of my life and has just now decided that it is time to grow up and be a big-boy meningioma, so I though it should have a big-boy meningioma name, Ferg-id Quinn, after the three doctors at work that have caused me the most stress - they most likely are the ones injecting Ferg-id with his steroid shots...Ferg and id daily! 

Besides, Ferg-id has opened up a whole new line of jokes!  I've spent most of the day rambling on about the battle between Ferg-id and Clan Blair (that's me since I'm Scottish)...the big bad meningioma attacking the little (ok, big) Highland girl inside her protective fortress (that being my head)!   Ferg-id may be winning this battle, but he won't win the war!  You don't mess with a Scottish lass!

On the med front, wow, are the new ones scary!  People have gone to rehab for less than what I'm carrying in my purse!  I'm scared to take them!  I don't see the point in medicating me to the point of near death, while I still sit around waiting for the next headache (which is just around the corner), constantly have a completely numb face and mouth, periodically loose vision in my left eye, and now I'm starting to loose feeling in my limbs during headaches, when all could be fixed with just some quick sword-play by a surgeon!  I absolutely REFUSE to get the point where I'm having seizures before they do anything!  There are few things in life I'm scared of medical wise, seizures are one of them!  I spend most of my time alone which is bad for seizure sufferers and, although I'm not scared of dying, I don't want to be found like that (of course I would be worried about how I would look to the cute paramedics carrying me off to the morgue, after that point I'm not too worried, since I'm in the pathology business, it's all family from there...but then again, the real Ferg and Id will get their peek-a-boo's in...hmm, nope, not too thrilled about that either).

On a good note though (there is one?), T is taking me out this weekend for dinner and shopping (to buy a certain Brit an American care package that I've been promising!), so maybe Ferg-id will not puff up this weekend and ruin things like he has been lately!

DOWN WITH THE FERG-ID!  LONG LIVE CLAN BLAIR!