Lou Costello credited as playing...
Wilbur Gray
- Chick Young: What's the matter?
- Larry Talbot: I know you'll think I'm crazy, but... in a half-an-hour the moon will rise and I'll turn into a wolf.
- Wilbur Grey: You and 20 million other guys!
- [last lines]
- Wilbur Grey: And another thing Mr. Chick Young! The next time I tell you that I saw something when I saw it, you believe me that I saw it!
- Chick Young: Oh relax. Now that we've seen the last of Dracula, the Wolf Man, and the Monster, there's nobody to frighten us anymore.
- Invisible Man: Oh, that's too bad. I was hoping to get in on the excitement.
- Chick Young: Who said that?
- Invisible Man: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the Invisible Man.
- Wilbur Grey: Well that's gonna cost you overtime because I'm a union man and I work only sixteen hours a day.
- McDougal: A union man only works eight hours a day.
- Wilbur Grey: I belong to two unions.
- Chick Young: You're making enough noise to wake up the dead!
- Wilbur Grey: I don't have to wake him up. He's up.
- Chick Young: I know there's no such person as Dracula. You know there's no such person as Dracula.
- Wilbur Grey: But does Dracula know it?
- Chick Young: You still want your exhibits?
- McDougal: Of course I do.
- Wilbur Grey: Here comes one of 'em now!
- Chick Young: What I'd like to know is, what does he got they I haven't got?
- Dr. Sandra Mornay: A brain.
- Wilbur: [flattered] Oh, a brain.
- Chick Young: I'd like to know where it is.
- Chick Young: Get up on your feet. It's only a dummy
- Wilbur Grey: Dummy nothin'. It was smart enough to scare me.
- McDougal: My name's McDougal, now where are my shipments?
- Wilbur Grey: McDougal? I just got off the phone with you in London, how'd you get here so fast, did you shoot out of a cannon?
- Wilbur Grey: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
- Wilbur Grey: Who screamed?
- Chick Young: You did.
- Chick Young: [amused] I did?
- Dr. Sandra Mornay: Look into my eyes!
- [Wilbur looks into her eyes and sees two bats flapping their wings]
- Dr. Sandra Mornay: Don't you know what's going to happen now?
- Wilbur Grey: I'll bite.
- Dr. Sandra Mornay: No, I will.
- [Trying to evade the monster, Wilbur puts on a black cloak over his face]
- Wilbur Grey: [imitating Dracula] Back! Back!
- The Monster: Yes, master.
- Wilbur Grey: [takes off cloak and turns to Chuck] He thinks I'm Dracula!
- Joan Raymond: Oh Wilbur, can't we both come along too?
- Wilbur Grey: Yes, mon amour.
- Wilbur Grey: That's Spanish.
- Chick Young: That's French.
- Wilbur Grey: How do you like that, I speak French too.
- Dr. Sandra Mornay: That girl, who is he?
- Wilbur Grey: Um, hmm... hmm... uh... sh... she's chick's date. She's going to the masquerade with us.
- Dr. Sandra Mornay: But I told you to come alone. I'll have to get rid of her.
- Wilbur Grey: I'll have to get rid of somebody.
- Wilbur Grey: You got the best looking one.
- Chick Young: So what?
- Wilbur Grey: Yours had teeth.
- Chick Young: Look, Wilbur, yours had teeth too.
- Wilbur Grey: Did you see that tooth?
- Chick Young: Yes I happened to see it.
- Wilbur Grey: Mine had so much bridge work, every time I kissed her I had to pay toll.
- Wilbur Grey: Look, now you've got two dates. What about Sandra, you bigamist?
- Chick Young: Sandra? I don't know. Joan is awful cute.
- Wilbur Grey: All right. You take Joan and I'll take Sandra.
- Chick Young: Oh, Sandra sends me.
- Wilbur Grey: Well then I'll take Joan.
- Chick Young: Joan sends me too.
- Wilbur Grey: Now listen, you sawed-off Romeo. In a minute, I'll send you!
- Chick Young: You don't even appeal to me.
- Wilbur Grey: Look, Wilbur, we've always been pals, haven't we?
- Chick Young: Oh, yes.
- Wilbur Grey: We've always shared and shared alike, haven't we?
- Chick Young: Mm-hmm.
- Wilbur Grey: Well, now look. Let's be reasonable. Come on.
- Chick Young: I've always shared with you.
- Wilbur Grey: That you have!
- Chick Young: If I had two cigarettes, I'd give you one.
- Wilbur Grey: That's right.
- Chick Young: And if I had two pairs of shoes, I'd give you a pair.
- Wilbur Grey: Don't I know that?
- Chick Young: And if I have two girls...
- Wilbur Grey: [Interrupting and stuttering] Well?
- Chick Young: Why don't you light that cigarette, put on those shoes and take a walk for yourself?
- Wilbur Grey: That's just what I'm gonna do, but with you.
- Chick Young: I'm going out to get the other crate. And no back talk!
- Wilbur Grey: I've got just two words to say to you.
- Chick Young: What is that?
- Wilbur Grey: Hurry back.
- Wilbur Grey: I've got a date. In fact I've got two dates.
- Larry Talbot: But you and I 'have a date with destiny'.
- Wilbur Grey: Let Chick go with Destiny.