Bob Hope credited as playing...
'Painless' Peter Potter
- Lance: [as Potter Hope walks out of the bar to the shootout] Hey listen, the man that's after you just killed my brother. Here's a tip: He draws from the left, so lean to the right.
- Potter: He draws from the left so lean to the right.
- Greg: Son, I'll let you in on something. Along towards sunset there's a wind from the east. So you better aim to the west.
- Potter: He draws from the left so lean to the right. There's a wind from the east so better aim to the west.
- Pete: I know this Joe like a book. He crouches when he shoots so stand on your toes.
- Potter: [Outside in the street] He draws from the left so lean to the right. There's a wind from the east so better aim to the west. He crouches when he shoots so stand on your toes. Thanks... Growl.
- [Goes out into the street]
- Potter: He draws from the left so stand on your toes... There's a wind from the east, better lean to the right... He crouches when he shoots, better aim to the west... He draws from his toes, so lean toward the wind. Ah ha! I got it!
- Potter: That's Indian country out there!
- Calamity Jane: You're not afraid of a few Indians, are you?
- Potter: It's not the Indians I'm afraid of. It's their attitudes.
- Potter: Indian country. Do we have to go that way?
- Calamity Jane: Now Painless, I'll be with you. You're not afraid, are you?
- Potter: No. I can always get another scalp.
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: I don't like surprises. Am I gonna get shot by arrows? Burned at the stake? Boiled in a pot? Am I getting warm?
- Calamity Jane: Painless, can you take it?
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: No, but tell me anyway.
- Potter: Going west in a covered wagon. That's my kind of life. Blazing new frontiers, facing danger, privation, and death. Is *that* my kind of life?
- Patient #2: Is it safe?
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: Safest thing in the world! Would you mind paying me now?
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: [notices Calamity in the waiting room] I'll be with you in a minute. You've got just the kind of mouth I'd like to work on.
- Calamity Jane: I'll take over now!
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: Yeah, you drive a while. Who wants to watch the road?
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: My, your blushing right down to your little tootsies, aren't ya? Here you are, cuddles.
- Calamity Jane: Now, remember, Painless, you promised to love, honor and protect me.
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: Yeah. Let's do it in the order named.
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: Hey, you, it's a funny thing, we've been married two hours and this is the closest I've gotten to you.
- Calamity Jane: Well, you're so strong, silent and unapproachable.
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: You wanna bet?
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: [singing] Gimme eastern trimmin' where women are women, In high silk hose and peekaboo clothes, And French perfume that rocks the room...
- Calamity Jane: You're a legend now. A hero. A man apart.
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: Yeah. We've been apart too long. Come on, honey.
- 'Painless' Peter Potter: Boy, I couldn't save a clam from a bowl of chowder. I bet I handed you a lot of laughs. What a sucker I've been. What a boob!