Robert Montgomery credited as playing...
Collier 'Collie' Laing
- Mr. Grant: I saw you the other day in a...a motion picture.
- Collier Laing: Did you, sir? How was I?
- Mr. Grant: Tall. Very tall.
- Mrs. Laing: Don't you ever long for the patter of little feet?
- Collier Laing: Patter of little feet? You mean mice?
- Mrs. Laing: Children also have little feet.
- Collier Laing: Madam, don't tell me that at your age you're thinking of marriage again?
- Mrs. Laing: Yes, I am. Not for myself, for you.
- Collier Laing: The War Department is obviously plotting my ruin. They won't be satisfied until they blow Taps over me.
- Receptionist: Capt. Laing is here, colonel.
- Col. Head: Have him come in.
- Receptionist: You may go in.
- Collier Laing: I will not go in without my mother.
- Receptionist: He won't come in without his mother.
- Col. Head: Uhh... send them in.
- Col. Head: Capt. Laing, there's an old German family in Upper Bavaria called Margradeyshillingsfosthengschweiller.
- Collier Laing: Oh, I'm not surprised.
- Marita Connell: Herman, are you with me or against me?
- Herman Schmelz - Chauffeur: I'm with you, Killer. No funny stuff.
- Collier Laing: You can depend on me, Herman.
- Herman Schmelz - Chauffeur: Oh, I'm not worried about you.
- Collier Laing: I may appear a little priggish, but if I gave in too easily to you, I might do the same thing for some other girl, and you wouldn't like that, would you?
- Marita Connell: Gosh no, you're a nice boy, Collier. I honor you for it. But look out for me tonight.
- Marita Connell: I hope you'll all forgive me for going on like this, but when a girl is facing the natural fulfillment of her aspirations... when she finds herself a part of a scheme of boy meets girl and the inevitable happens...
- Collier Laing: Uh, good night.
- Mamie: Mr. Collie, you've never had a girl like that before.
- Collier Laing: I take no credit for it personally. It could've happened to anyone.
- Marita Connell: Collie, do you think your mother was impressed?
- Collier Laing: There must be a stronger word.
- Marita Connell: Darling, I suppose you've always dreamed of a big church wedding with your mother and all your friends there?
- Collier Laing: Well, yes. It is the most important day in a man's life. He gets to wear a cutaway, and striped trousers, and then there are the presents.
- Collier Laing: Good night, man's best friend.
- Mrs. Laing: Boy's best friend. Man's best friend is his dog.
- Mrs. Laing: All the Laings have been legal eagles.
- Collier Laing: Madam, that is just the point. All those lawyers marrying other lawyers and having little lawyers. Inbreeding is bad, you know. It ruined the royal families of Europe.
- Collier Laing: When I was a baby and learning how to talk, did I say "goo?" No! I said, "affidavit."
- Collier Laing: Now, don't let them intimidate you. Remember, it's nothing but the United States government.
- Mrs. Laing: Of course, captain. All they can do is put you in the penitentiary.
- Collier Laing: And stop calling me captain.
- Collier Laing: Okay, colonel. I'm a sucker. I haven't got a prayer. But I'll do it... for my country.
- Col. Head: They'll all be reading a newspaper and eating an apple.
- Collier Laing: Eating a newspaper and reading an apple.
- [sic]
- Col. Head: That's right.