Richard Gaines: Taylor

A Kiss for Corliss

Taylor

Corliss Archer: Daddy, I've just got to have a dollar and a half.
Harry P. Archer: I told you to wait outside.
Kenneth Marquis: Rather than witness your churlish behavior, I should be most happy to advance or let's say donate the money myself.
Corliss Archer: That's very sweet of you.
Harry P. Archer: Don't take that money!
Kenneth Marquis: Your poor father's ungraciousness stems partly from a natural tendency to be stuffy, and an unnatural reluctance to part with his holding money.
Taylor: Kenneth, take it easy.
Corliss Archer: Oh, you don't know my daddy at all. He's really very -
Harry P. Archer: Don't speak to that man!
Corliss Archer: Daddy, about my dollar and a half -
Taylor: Archer, if we could get back to the business at hand -
Harry P. Archer: [to Corliss] I'll talk to you outside. Now. Alone.
Kenneth Marquis: If I were in your position, I should be completely underwhelmed.
Corliss Archer: It's been awfully nice meeting you, Mr. Marquis.
Kenneth Marquis: Oh, and if the indignity of taking money from Daddy Dear ever becomes too great to bear, don't hesitate to call on me.
Taylor: Stop needling Archer, or we'll never get a settlement.
Kenneth Marquis: You know, I'm seriously considering dedicating my entire life to the needling of Harry P. Archer. Nothing gives me greater pleasure.

Harry P. Archer: [Holding a paper announcing his daughter's engagement to Kenneth Marquis] Did you see this?
Kenneth Marquis: I gave out the story.
Harry P. Archer: Did you - ?
Kenneth Marquis: Dad, do I take it that you're not altogether pleased?
Harry P. Archer: Why you -
Taylor: Congratulations, Archer.
Harry P. Archer: Shut up! I'm going to sue your client -
Kenneth Marquis: Oh, Dad, I hope Corliss hasn't inherited your bad temper.
Harry P. Archer: What do you mean by this? Answer me! Answer me.
Kenneth Marquis: Do you think I was just trifling with a good woman's love?
Harry P. Archer: I wouldn't let Corliss marry you if - if - if - Call up and issue a denial!
Taylor: Oh no! All denials will be issued by you. We don't want any breach of promise suits.
Harry P. Archer: I'll have a retraction in the paper by - by - by six o'clock, and maybe earlier if I can get them to print a special edition.
Kenneth Marquis: Very well, if your daughter's happiness is so unimportant to you, I will try to bear up manfully.

Taylor: If I were Archer, I'd be after you with a shotgun!
Kenneth Marquis: Well, a shotgun is customary only in cases where the bridegroom is unwilling. I, on the other hand, am panting with eagerness. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Taylor: Humph! One slip up and you're the formerly wealthy Mr. Marquis. Aside from Archer, your stockholders won't stand for any more escapades in court.
Kenneth Marquis: [phone buzzes] Yeah? It's Pop. Probably wants another retraction. Hello, Pop. This is Sonny. Oh! Language! I don't know why you're so upset. Everyone knows that young love is, um, impetuous. Oh, please, Daddy Dear. I seem to notice a certain beligerence in your tone. You what? Consent? What? When? Oh, I see. You do? Oh, you don't. You will? Who? Me? Oh.
[hangs up phone]
Kenneth Marquis: I'm about to become a husband.

Kenneth Marquis: Perhaps you could explain to me how I happened to find myself in this position?
Taylor: Because you belatedly came to what little sense you have. Try and get out of it now, and you have a breach of promise suit, a stockholder suit, and why go on with the list?
Kenneth Marquis: Well, I certainly shan't number it among the gayer weddings to which I have participated. Maybe I'm spoiled, but the others were much more fun!
Taylor: I don't know, I thought the blood in your father-in-law's eye lent a nice touch of festive color.