Bob Hope credited as playing...
Harold Gridley
- Princess Lala: Do you always fight over girls?
- Harold Gridley: Well, what else can we fight over? We've never had any money
- [Looking straight into the camera]
- Harold Gridley: That's for Washington!
- [One of the film's many cameos]
- Princess Lala: Look!
- George Cochran: The African Queen! Humphrey Bogart?
- Harold Gridley: Boy, is he lost!
- George Cochran: Hey! Hey, Bogie!
- [All three run toward Bogart]
- Harold Gridley: Hey, jungle fever! That's what we got. That was just a mirage!
- George Cochran: Oh yeah? What about this?
- [Holding up a trophy]
- George Cochran: Humphrey Bogart's Academy Award!
- Harold Gridley: An Oscar! Gimme that, you got one. Friends, this is a great occasion, me receiving this Academy Award. And I'd like to say a word...
- [roar from offstage]
- George Cochran: Run!
- Harold Gridley: That's the word!
- [performing for Princess Lala's court as Scottish bagpipers, a humorous homage to her late Scottish father, MacTavish]
- Harold Gridley: Say, Haggis!
- George Cochran: What is it, MacBaggis?
- Harold Gridley: Have you heard the latest about MacTavish?
- George Cochran: What's he done now?
- Harold Gridley: I heard he's living on the roof!
- George Cochran: Why would he be living on the roof?
- Harold Gridley: Because he heard someone say, "Drinks are on the house!"
- Harold Gridley: Is that the way all the natives dress on your island?
- Shirtless Male Native: Nods
- Harold Gridley: Really? George, do you suppose...
- George Cochran: Not a chance.
- Harold Gridley: Stick around folks, he could be wrong you know.
- [Harold has been caught in a tree snare, proving the island is inhabited]
- George Cochran: I wonder what the locals are like?
- Princess Lala: I hope they're not cannibals or headhunters!
- Harold Gridley: I hope they're orange pickers, I want to get out of this tree!
- George Cochran: Oh, stop squawking, you'll fall off when you're ripe!
- [George and Harold are surrounded by beautiful native women. Offstage voice shrieks "A-ough! Oh no!"]
- George Cochran: What's that?
- Harold Gridley: Oh, that's Errol Flynn. He can't stand it.
- Ken Arok: You will *love* Vaatu. It is an island paradise.
- Harold Gridley: Girls, huh?
- Ken Arok: Could it be paradise without girls?
- [a female ape has sat on Harold's lap]
- George Cochran: Oh, buster, I don't like the look in her eye!
- [the ape swings a paw at George]
- Harold Gridley: George, get a rock, a club, anything! Kill one of us!
- [George and Princess Lala pull Harold down]
- Harold Gridley: This is the sloppiest hanging I ever attended!
- Harold Gridley: [whistles, indicating Lala's headdress with a golden spire] This kid's got her own antenna.
- Harold Gridley: Gridley, Harold Gridley- sportsman, raconteur, polo player, and all around good egg.
- Harold Gridley: Say, I haven't looked for work since I was night watchmen at Vassar
- [a college for women only, until 1969]
- Harold Gridley: .
- Harold Gridley: [Caught in an animal trap and suspended in the air] Get me down! My brain's rushing to my head.
- George Cochran: And here we are in life as in death, we face it together. C'est la guerre.
- George Cochran, Harold Gridley: La guerre.
- Harold Gridley: I find that Lala is intoxicating!
- George Cochran: It's no wonder - she's part Scotch!
- Harold Gridley: Yeah, and with me as a chaser...
- Harold Gridley: You know, music hath charms to soothe the savage beast!
- George Cochran: [pedantically] Breast, that is.
- Harold Gridley: [implores emphatically] Beast, breast, SING!