Sig Ruman credited as playing...
Sgt. Johann Sebastian Schulz
- Sgt. Schulz: How do you expect to win the war with an army of clowns?
- Lt. James Skylar Dunbar: We sort of hope you'd laugh yourselves to death.
- Sgt. Schulz: [preparing POWs for an important inspection] The barracks should be schpic, and also schpan!
- Animal: [German accent] Ja, vee'll put pink ribbons on da bed bugs!
- Sgt. Schulz: We will grab some shovels and we will undig that tunnel which you digged.
- Animal: Shulz, why don't we just plug up the tunnel with the Commandant in one end, and you in the other?
- Sgt. Schulz: Well, well, gentlemen, am I interrupting something?
- Hoffy: Yeah, Schulz, we were just passin' out guns.
- Sgt. Schulz: Guns?
- [realizing he's kidding]
- Sgt. Schulz: Ah, you're joking. Always with the visecrackers.
- Shapiro: Visecrackers. Where did he pick up his English, in a pretzel factory?
- Sgt. Schulz: You always think I'm a square. I've been to America. I've been wrestling there. I wrestled in Milwaukee and St. Louis, in Cincinnati, and I will go back. The way the war is going, I will be there before you.
- Shapiro: You should live so long.
- Sgt. Schulz: [sharing a laugh, then stopping] Here. That's me in Cincinnati.
- Animal: [taking a picture] Who's the other wrestler? The one with the mustache?
- Sgt. Schulz: That's my wife.
- Animal: Hey, look at all that meat. Ain't she the bitter end?
- Sgt. Schulz: [taking the picture back] Oh, give it back. You must not arouse yourself.
- Sgt. Schulz: [after confiscating the POWs' radio] Hoffy, I'm very sorry about the mousetrap, but the war news are very depressing anyway, huh?
- [speaking German to another guard]
- Sgt. Schulz: I might as well also confiscate the antenna.
- Price: You guys have some machine gun practice last night?
- Sgt. Schulz: Oh, terrible. Such foolish boys. Such nice boys. I'd better not talk about it. It makes me sick to my stomach. Aufstehen. Aufstehen. Aufstehen. Roll call, everybody. Raus. Raus.
- Duke: You killed them, huh? Both of 'em?
- Sgt. Schulz: Oh, such nice boys. It makes me sick to my...
- Duke: Don't wear it out!
- Animal: As long as you're gonna move somebody in, how about a couple of them Russian broads?
- Sgt. Schulz: Russian women prisoners?
- Shapiro: Jawohl.
- Sgt. Schulz: Some are not bad at all.
- Animal: Ja. Just get us a couple with beautiful glockenspiels.
- Sgt. Schulz: [sharing a roar of laughter, then stopping] Droppen sie dead!