Tom Tully: Comdr. DeVriess

The Caine Mutiny

Comdr. DeVriess

Captain DeVriess: Disappointed they assigned you to a minesweeper, Keith?
Ensign Willie Keith: Well, sir, to be honest, yes, sir.
Captain DeVriess: You saw yourself on a carrier, or a battleship, no doubt.
Ensign Willie Keith: Yes, sir, I had hoped...
Captain DeVriess: Well, I only "hope" that you're good enough for the Caine.
Ensign Willie Keith: I shall try to be worthy of this assignment, sir.
Captain DeVriess: She's not a battleship or a carrier; the Caine is a beaten-up tub. After 18 months of combat it takes 24 hours a day just to keep her in one piece.

[at the Senior Officer's Mess Hall]
Captain DeVriess: Tell me, Keith. Now that you've had a chance to study the "Caine" more closely, do you like her any better?
Ens. Willis 'Willie' Seward Keith: The tour was very interesting, sir.
Captain DeVriess: The ship too messy for you?
Ens. Willis 'Willie' Seward Keith: [Keefer walks in] Well, that's a difficult question, sir.
Lt. Tom Keefer: It's a RIDICULOUS question! The question is, is this mess a ship?

Lt. Keith: [eagerly] Sir, I spotted a lot of Japanese aircraft, broad of the starboard bow! Position angle 20!
Captain DeVriess: Angle 20.
Lt. Keith: Do you see 'em, Captain?
Captain DeVriess: [disgustedly] If the war lasts 10 years, Keith, you may learn to tell the difference between aircraft and seagulls.

Lt. Keith: I made a mistake, but I don't see why I should be singled out for it. Everyone's goofed off around here. The Caine's a slack ship. The men act like a pack of cutthroats and the decks look like a Singapore junk.
Captain DeVriess: I take it then you must also strongly disapprove of me.
[Keith hesitates]
Captain DeVriess: Go ahead, Keith, man to man.
Lt. Keith: Sir, I'm in no position to approve or disapprove. I only know my conception of a captain seems different from your own.
Captain DeVriess: I'll take it under advisement. Since you feel so bitter, perhaps what's in the dispatch will brighten your day. As you can see, Keith, I'm being relieved of command. Next week this time, you'll have yourself a new captain: Lt. Cmdr. Philip Francis Queeg. Feel better?
Lt. Keith: Definitely, sir!

Captain DeVriess: [sensing Keith is unnerved by his disheveled appearance] May I see your orders and qualifications jacket, or are they a military secret?

Captain DeVriess: Very decent of you to join us for lunch, Tom. I didn't think you could spare the time.
Lt. Keefer: Well, my novel will suffer, but even the greatest of literary artists gets hungry.
Lt. Maryk: Pull up a chair, Tom, and cast some pearls before the swine, or whatever it is you say you do.
Lt. Keefer: I will! Somebody has to protect these fresh, eager young faces from the captain's badgering.

Captain DeVriess: [In the officer's wardroom] I've been sweating it out myself for over two years waiting to be relieved of command, and there's no sign of it yet. But then...
[looking at Ensign Keith]
Captain DeVriess: I don't have Ensign Keith's 'influence'.
Ens. Willis 'Willie' Seward Keith: Sir, I don't understand.
Captain DeVriess: I received this dispatch from Admiral Walsh about an hour ago. "With your approval, will request transfer to my staff for Ensign Willis Seward Keith. Understand, of course, needs of U.S.S. Caine have priority"
Ens. Willis 'Willie' Seward Keith: Sir, I didn't know anything about this request.
Captain DeVriess: Could be coincidence. Or, someone pulling strings. What'll it be, Keith? The Admiral's staff or, as Tom puts it, the hell of the Caine?
Ens. Willis 'Willie' Seward Keith: Well, I don't know, Sir.
Captain DeVriess: It's a simple choice. Do you want to fight a war?
Lt. Steve Maryk: Captain, this is hardly the place for a decision.
Captain DeVriess: Nonsense, Steve. A good officer can make up his mind anywhere.
[pause]
Captain DeVriess: Well, come on, Keith. We haven't got all day.
Ens. Willis 'Willie' Seward Keith: Well, Sir...
[pause]
Ens. Willis 'Willie' Seward Keith: I'll stay on board, Sir.
Captain DeVriess: That takes care of that.
Lt. Keefer: Ah, Willie. You will live to regret this day.

Lt. Keith: [after a dressing down by the captain] I understand, sir.
Captain DeVriess: I don't think you do, but whether you like it or not, Keith, you're in the junkyard navy. Steve, put him with Keifer in Communications and tell Tom when he's free to show this... Princeton Tiger and our other new ensign around the ship.
Lt. Maryk: Yes sir.
Captain DeVriess: And Keith? Don't take it so hard. War is hell.