Debbie Reynolds credited as playing...
Susan Beaurgard Landis
- Harvey Butterworth, Mark's Lawyer: Just a simple little annulment, Susan. And since you and Mark aren't really married...
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: But we are married. We drove to Las Vegas and came back with a wedding license.
- Virgil, Mark's Gofer: You're lucky. Usually people don't come back with anything.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: Leave me alone! Let me go!
- Maude Snodgrass: *After* I've talked to you like a mother.
- Virgil, Mark's Gofer: What do *you* know about motherhood?
- Maude Snodgrass: I happened to have typed the script to "Stella Dallas."
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: And thank you for the whistle, too, even if you didn't mean it.
- Mark Christopher: I meant every pucker.
- Mark Christopher: You get so dramatic about everything. You ought to be an actress.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: I am an actress!
- Mark Christopher: I loved you in "The Outlaw."
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: I never played that part.
- Mark Christopher: No, you didn't.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: You mean you let a girl keep you from sleeping?
- Mark Christopher: It's been the policy of our firm for a great many years.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: Didn't you have a date?
- Mark Christopher: Yeah, going to see a girlfriend of mine. For some reason, I'm late.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: She's broad-minded, isn't she? You bringing another woman along, I mean.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: Hey, here's your name! "By Mark Christopher". You wrote "The Gob and the Geisha Girl"? You wrote this? I got this from a lending library. That part about the crazy singer and that sexy nurse, when he was in that crazy hospital! Crazy!
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: Then I was in a musical comedy in high school. I met a composer that had ulterior motives on me.
- Mark Christopher: Now, why can't I think of plots like that?
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: You talk like a writer.
- Mark Christopher: I just don't write like a writer.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: You don't look like a writer.
- Mark Christopher: That's because I've done so much writing.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: Let's forget you're a man and I'm a woman.
- Mark Christopher: OK. You be the man. I'll be the woman.
- Mark Christopher: I thought you'd gone to bed.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: I'm afraid to go to bed.
- Mark Christopher: Well, what are you afraid of?
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: I'm afraid I'll fall asleep.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: [Mark dealing cards for a game of gin rummy] What'll we play for?
- Mark Christopher: We'll just play.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: Why don't we play for who gets the bedroom and who sleeps out here?
- Mark Christopher: All right.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: What if it's a tie?
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: You're a man, aren't you?
- Mark Christopher: There's a nasty rumor to that affect, yes.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: You know, I'd like to get a dye job and a facial like hers.
- Mark Christopher: Isabella's a natural blonde.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: You sure?
- Mark Christopher: We're very good friends.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: Imagine, me in a mink. You know, Mr. Christopher, some girls will do anything for a mink.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: I don't know any men your age, but, they're probably just as bad as any man my age.
- Mark Christopher: You're only 17.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: Seventeen? I'll be 18 in four months! I can climb on a horse alone. I shoot golf in the low 140s. I belong to the best book-of-the-week club. I read parts of The New York Times I can understand. I can smoke a cigarette half-down. And I know how to mix drinks. Daiquiris: two jiggers of rum, half a lime, sugar to taste, pour over crushed ice. Serve. Martinis: five parts gin, one part vermouth, French, stir, but don't bruise the gin. Scotch over rocks.
- [winks]
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: That's Scotch and soda without the soda. Now, Mark, what more do you want in a wife? I'm a doll, and you know it!
- Mark Christopher: I'm too big to play with dolls. I'm ready for the armchair, television, a small dog to bring my slippers.
- Susan Beaurgard Landis: [pants enthusiastically like a dog] Arf! Arf!