Shirley MacLaine credited as playing...
Bessie Sparrowbush
- Bessie Sparrowbush: You know, numerology's a science. I take the numbers - the day, the month and the year that I was born. I add the day, the month and the year that Eugene was born, and that answer I divide with my street address. Then I add that to my social security number, and with that answer I divide with Eugene's social security number. Then I multiply that by the number of dancing lessons I take. And, the number of calories I eat in one day I subtract from that, and I multiply the whole thing by the time and that's the end of it.
- Abby Parker: How's it work out?
- Bessie Sparrowbush: Zero. Eugene again.
- Abby Parker: I don't know how I let you talk me into moving here.
- Bessie Sparrowbush: Because it's Greenwich Village and it's romantic. Besides, my horoscope said this is where I'd meet my true love.
- Bessie Sparrowbush: He's not very handsome. But he is kind of cute. You know, the safe kind.
- Abby Parker: The safe kind? What's safe in pants?
- Eugene Fullstack: [as Bessie puckers her lips] What's wrong with your mouth? Is it sore?
- Bessie Sparrowbush: No. I just thought I felt a pucker comin' on.
- Bessie Sparrowbush: It's happened! Tonight my moon is full and square to Jupiter, Uranus is square to Sagittarius, Mars is square to Venus. I saw him for the first time tonight. He's the one, my true love.
- Abby Parker: Oh, Bessie, no! That square's your true love?
- Bessie Sparrowbush: Will you watch my switchboard, please?
- Eugene Fullstack: I won't only watch your switchboard, I'll buzz your lights and tangle your plugs.
- Eugene Fullstack: [grabbing Bessie's behind] Come here, baby.
- Abby Parker: Who was that singer? He sounds like Rick.
- Bessie Sparrowbush: No. He's the fella that had that big hit record on, "That's Amore".
- Bessie Sparrowbush: I've taken up numerology. I'm off the stars. They made me flip my little dipper and fall for a guy who's in love with a lady in black.