Jerry Lewis credited as playing...
Eugene Fullstack
- Eugene Fullstack: No, I'm not cute. They wanted to have me drowned when I was born, but the SPCA stopped them.
- Eugene Fullstack: Those lovely lips, those red inviting, lucious lips - like two strips of liver gleaming in the moonlight!
- Mr. Murdock: You see that little window back there, boy?
- Eugene Fullstack: Yes, sir.
- Mr. Murdock: Open it a little, then jump.
- Rick Todd: Know what I've decided to do, pal?
- Eugene Fullstack: Be pals with me?
- Rick Todd: Yeah, we'll be pallies.
- Eugene Fullstack: I'm all set to make your dinner. How would you like your beans?
- Rick Todd: Preferably out of the can.
- Rick Todd: Every time I find a job, you lose it. Bat lady! You and your crummy comic books, that's all you ever think about!
- Eugene Fullstack: No, sometimes I think about girls, too.
- Rick Todd: I think about girls, too. That's about all. Just think about them. But, can I afford to take them out? No! You know, on account of you I'm going to be an old maid.
- Eugene Fullstack: Vincent is very aware that behind those inviting red lips, behind those purple boudoir eyes, and behind that cleaving cleavage, lies a diabolical soul... .
- Eugene Fullstack: [knock at the door] Oh, coming!
- Mrs. Muldoon: You better.
- Eugene Fullstack: [opens door] Oh, it's you Mrs. Muldoon.
- Mrs. Muldoon: It ain't Gina Lollobrigida.
- Eugene Fullstack: He tears her clothes and exposes her two big round shoulders. Vincent closes in on her.
- Eugene Fullstack: This is serious, Rick. Honest! The bat lady scared me and I ran into the fat lady.
- Rick Todd: What bat lady? Fat lady? What are you? What are you crazy?
- Eugene Fullstack: No, I'm not crazy. This really happened. Let me explain. You see, upstairs is a bat lady. I ran the bat lady. She scared me. So, I ran downstairs to the fat lady. She scared me worse than bat lady. See?. I was running downstairs to tell you about the bat lady, but the bat lady caught me, the bat lady scares me. The fat lady was downstairs. I ran downstairs to tell you about the bat lady.
- Eugene Fullstack: [as Bessie puckers her lips] What's wrong with your mouth? Is it sore?
- Bessie Sparrowbush: No. I just thought I felt a pucker comin' on.
- Rick Todd: Look, if you can pretend beans are T-bone steaks, you can pretend that she's the bat lady. She might fight you, but you remember you're going to do this for your ol' Kangaroo Patrol pal.
- Eugene Fullstack: Yeah! Pouches forever.
- Bessie Sparrowbush: Will you watch my switchboard, please?
- Eugene Fullstack: I won't only watch your switchboard, I'll buzz your lights and tangle your plugs.
- Eugene Fullstack: [grabbing Bessie's behind] Come here, baby.
- Rick Todd: [to Abby] Look, I'm sorry he kissed you and he's sorry he kissed you. Aren't you, Eugene?
- Eugene Fullstack: No, I liked that a lot!
- Abby Parker: What do you think you're doing?
- Eugene Fullstack: Oh, I'm awfully sorry, ma'am. I thought you were someone else.
- Eugene Fullstack: [pointing to Rick] He told me to kiss you except you're not you. Are you?
- Eugene Fullstack: I almost became a dope, reading comic books. I realized that is why I am now a little retarded.
- Eugene Fullstack: I am here to talk to the children and to the parents of the children, because if there weren't parents, there wouldn't be children, and vice-a-versa. What I mean is, that parents are necessary if you want children, and children are necessary if parents want them. if you know what I mean.
- Eugene Fullstack: They were very bad dreams. Oh, yes. They were awful. I screamed and carried on and oh, it was something awful. My subconscious was battling against my conscious and the basic intelligence of my mind wouldn't allow myself to comprehend some of the problems that were forethought prior to sleeping and at the same time not having any rest because of no sedation whatsoever to make my rest and dreams any brighter or smarter than they were when I was much younger.
- Eugene Fullstack: I was very slow in school. Matter of fact, I was so slow, I went to summer school in the wintertime.