The Incredible Petrified World

"I've made some of the greatest films ever made - and a lot of crap, too."

John Carradine, who had roles in The Ten Commandments and Stagecoach and Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask among his 334 films, and won awards for The Scarecrow and House of the Long Shadows, would probably list this film as one that was crap.

He plays a scientist that sends down a diving bell with four people to 1,700 feet when they get stranded. They manage to make it into Arizona's Colossal Cave and they meet up with a hairy bugger who has been stranded there 14 years. Forget the others, this guy is focused on Phyllis Coates, who was the first Lois Lane on TV.

Yes, 14 years all alone and this old timer wants to find a way to get rid of the competition and have Lois to himself. Before he could get started, the volcano erupts and, well, just one eruption.

I just love this exchange between the two women:

Dale Marshall: You just listen to me, Miss Innocent. There's nothing friendly between two females. There never was. There never will be. Lauri Talbott: Sorry you feel that way. I was hoping we could help each other. Dale Marshall: You don't need help - neither do I. Not as long as we have two men around us.

O, the days when women thought that way.

This film had some very valuable information in it. I didn't know that people dived with a thermos of hot coffee, but it is good they do, as it is just the thing to revive someone who has run out of air.

The Incredible Petrified World is a place where four undersea explorers find themselves when their diving bell cable snaps and the bell is dragged into an undersea cavern which is lit by phosphorous and the pressure is tolerable. What to do the four which consist of Robert Clarke, Phyllis Coates, Allen Windsor and Sheila Noonan, but make the best of it and look for a way out. Fresh air is coming in from somewhere.

It turns out they're not alone, there's 3/4 crazy hermit down there played by Maurice Bernard who has plans, especially for Coates. Not that he would want her for long because the former Lois Lane from Superman is acting like a real diva.

Getting first billing in this film is John Carradine and the producers and Carradine missed a bet here. Carradine who with his classical stage training enlivened many a ghastly bad horror film with that fabulous speaking voice should have played the hermit. He has a few scenes as the inventor of the diving bell in which the four were exploring in. By not doing that casting, The Incredible Petrified World was left just crashingly boring instead of being camp.

The best sequence is the shot of the raging sea storm and the huge waves that lead us into this movie. But they have absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie...which is incredibly calm and quite dull.

There is little if any action in this film. Diving bell goes down down down. There's trouble. Crew screams that something is buckling. On the ship above John Carradine, who looks like they got him out of bed for this movie, shouts, "What's buckling?" I don't know about you but if you hear someone screaming that something is buckling in a diving bell I would instantly reverse their submersion. This doesn't happen so they go down another quick 1000 feet and vanish - at least to the ship's crew.

Meanwhile the crew of the diving bell manage to find a series of underwater caves to escape to. They walk, they eat, they walk some more, they run into a monitor lizard, they drink water, they find a man with a very bad beard living in these caves. He tells them there is no way out. They settle in for the long haul. The man with the bad beard becomes menacing. Then a volcano blows up just in the nick of time.

Whew! I don't mind watching a bad film if it has purpose. This one denies me.

When thinking of a catchy film title, "The Incredible Petrified World" is a strange one, as by the third word, you are starting to think of frozen stillness becoming lifeless. So, in this case, it is an apt title.

The simple problem with this film is nothing happens; and it seems forever to occur.

Our four heroes (sorry, two heroes and two women, judging by the subservient roles given to the female leads, and the bleak plot warning that if you step out of line, men will hate and leave you) go down in a dodgy diving bell, which conveniently fails at depth near an underwater cave that glows in the dark (phosphorus they explain). I could be critical of the science at this point, but this claim pales with the completely unexplained manner they can snorkel in and out of the diving bell without it being flooded.

Anyway, once they reach the Incredible Petrified World (aka small cave with glowing walls), they eventually meet a stranger who claims he got there from a shipwreck 14yrs ago. Now, it would have been good if they explained how he might have been able to swim so deep without being scuba supported, although it would have been better to explain why they chose to make him look like Chico Marx with a Santa beard, and wearing caveman clothes.

And thats the main problem; you don't mind putting up with the first three quarters being tedious if there is a payoff. Alas, in this case, the payoff is just the remaining tedious quarter.

If you were looking for a one word description of the film 'The Incredible Petrified World', that word would have to be Boring. I almost wish I could use words like ridiculous or total nonsense but I can't. If that were the case, it might at least have been amusing. Maybe it would have been good for a few laughs. The main problem with this film is that it's just a boring movie. Plain and simple, there is very little excitement. There are no memorable moments, dramatic, comic or otherwise. The word petrified in the title seems to have no relation to anything in the film. My opinion is that neither does the word Incredible. It's too bad, the plot had potential but little to no effort was made to exploit this potential. Stay away from this one. It's a waste of your time.