Rocket Attack U.S.A.

The only name you will recognize from the cast of Rocket Attack USA is that of Art Metrano who came to be a respected character actor most noted for being Captain Mauser in the Police Academy films. I'm sure he must have shuddered with horror at being associated with this monstrosity of a Cold War era film made to exploit the paranoia surrounding the Sputnik launching.

With a lot of newsreel footage Rocket Attack USA is two different films stitched rather clumsily together both very bad. The first film is a documentary style film about the importance of making rocket research our number one defense priority. With the launch of Sputnik that means the Soviets have a definite lead in missiles if they can put a satellite in orbit. Right around this time we were hearing talk of a 'missile gap' by candidates for president in real life.

The second is maybe the worst espionage story in history as we send in an agent to stop the launch of a missile with an atomic warhead bound for New York. No gimmicks or gadgets and two of the worst players in the history of film get in a little nookie while attempting to stop the Russian rocket.

Definitely right up there with anything that Ed Wood ever created and probably worse. Poor Art Metrano, you'll see him briefly playing a truck driver. He must have cringed at the mention of Rocket Attack USA.

OK, this isn't bad on the order of say, Monster A-Go Go, but it is still one crappy movie. The Soviet Union launched Sputnik in 1957 and pretty much freaked out all of America. This little chunk of dreck is one of the results of that paranoia. Cheaply made, poorly acted, and beyond forgiveness in its depiction of the cold war, this is one huge pile of wasted film.

The background music is too loud, when it's there, and doesn't match what's going on on-screen. There is a mindless narrator that pipes up every now and then and only makes the story more confusing. Totally random characters are thrown in for no reason I could fathom. Example: An air raid siren blares and people are seen rushing toward underground shelters. A blind man wanders slowly into frame and quietly says "Help me", and that's the last we see of him.

Add in a couple reels of stock footage, some horrible accents, extremely annoying sound effects, and animation that wouldn't have cut it in the '30's and you get the idea. A waste of time on all levels.

"If only money spent supporting cheese prices could have been spent on missle research"

This movie is a blatant propaganda piece that, for whatever reason, I get a serious kick out of. Don't get me wrong, the movie's terrible and the acting's wretched. But it's just so BAD! And the "we're right they're wrong" moralizing attitude makes me laugh out loud. Every Communist is portrayed as a boorish, war-mad, untrustworthy pig. And the narration is hilarious, especially in scenes where it "translates" what the Russians are saying.

The most interesting thing about the movie is that for the last 20 min. there seems to be no plot at all. I don't dare reveal the "horrifying" conclusion, but let's just say you'll be scratching your head a bit.

Watch for the scene where some generals stare at the nonexistent rocket.

This movie must be the only terrible movie to be too terrible to be panned on MST3K (which it was...). Did any of these "actors" actually paid for this trash? This makes the 1951 Invasion USA look like academy award material. Who was Barry Mahon trying to kid? How about a worst movie of all time festival with this piece of you-know-what, Monster A-Go-Go, and Manos the Hands of Fate as the headliners? The production was the cheapest, the actors the worst, the plot was stupid and contrived, the so-called facts about the Soviet Union and sputnik weren't. How about all those "foreign" accents, eh? Well Mahon may have gotten the miniscule amount of spoken Russian right as they were spoken by two real Russians (noticed them in the credits).

In 1986, SNL alumni Laraine Newman starred in a 13-installment series called "Canned Film Festival", in which she and regular customers in a phony theater snackbar setting would talk about the bad movie that was playing in that night's schedule. What the writers failed to realize was that the irritating "comic relief" offered up by this stock pile of wannabes was nowhere nearly as funny as the films they showed... that took themselves seriously!

Cue ROCKET ATTACK USA. This typically lethargic Barry Mahon epic (remember CUBAN REBEL GIRLS?) is nonetheless a real scream. It is an outrageous piece of grimy slop. This is the kind of Grade Z espionage flick which heavily relies on stock footage, people reacting to offscreen cut-ins, and the principal cast "emoting" in front of those great nondescript black backgrounds. This is the kind of movie where a person gets mowed down by machine guns, and says, "You go ahead- I'm all right."

I haven't seen this film since, but I would love to have another look at it. However, in light of the atrocities of September 11, no-one would dare program it. After all, it does feature rockets attacking New York City. In today's climate, pictures like this and SHACK OUT ON 101, can no longer be viewed as hilariously outdated, naive pieces of Red Scare Propaganda. Suddenly, we understand how our ancestors felt back in the 1950's... being on the verge of disaster. Who knew that a Barry Mahon film would be topical?