Bob Newhart credited as playing...
Pvt. James Driscoll
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: [fake telephone conversation with "headquarters" to fool the Germans listening in] Temple Red. This is Lt Driscoll.
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: Wh- Don't send them up here. Sir, I have five men in each foxhole now. I don't have room for anymore, sir.
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: Have you tried Charlie company, sir?
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: Oh, I see. Well, sir, there's still a war going on in Japan, you know, sir, you might send them over there.
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: But Sergeant, you don't understand. I was sent to clerk-typist school. That's all I've ever done in the army was type!
- Sgt. Jim Larkin: Man, we're gonna give you on the job training.
- Pvt. Dave Corby: What's up, Sergeant?
- Sgt. Jim Larkin: Take this man over to that foxhole next to Reese and teach him how to shoot.
- Pvt. Dave Corby: [Larkin hands him Driscoll's brand new rifle] With this here? It might get dirty.
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: [fake telephone conversation with "headquarters" to fool the Germans listening in] Uh - Hi. Temple Red to - uh - Abel 6. This... This is Lt. Driscoll - the - uh - the entertainment officer.
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: About the morale, sir, it's been rather low. Uh - the main complaint seems to be about the evening movie.
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: Y-Yes, sir. I've had to show 'Road to Morocco' five evenings now in a row, sir.
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: Well, the men are beginning to be a little surly, sir.
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: Yes, sir. They know all the lines.
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: [fake telephone conversation with "headquarters" to fool the Germans listening in] We'll certainly be on the look out for it, sir.
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: A Pfc, you say?
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: With a load of typewriters in the back?
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: Well if we see him, we'll contact you sir.
- Sgt. Jim Larkin: [after PVT Driscoll crashes his jeep near the front lines, only to have it commandeered by the platoon sergeant, SFC Pike. Without a ride back to the relative safety of Division Headquarters, Driscoll is instantly transformed into a frontline combat troop - albeit untrained] Don't worry about Major Winston. He'll be mighty happy and proud when he hears you've volunteered for combat duty.
- Pfc. James E. Driscoll: But sergeant, you don't understand! I was sent to clerk-typist school. That's all I've ever done in the Army... was learn to type.
- Sgt. Jim Larkin: Man, we're gonna give you on-the-job training.