Robert Cummings credited as playing...
Professor Sutwell
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Here, take a look, please.
- Marianne: Oh, not me! I blush easily. I'm a Philadelphia girl.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Marianne, this book will be my triumph.
- Marianne: And you'll never get it though the mail. But hang on to the picture rights, I'm sure American International will snap it up in a minute.
- Cappy: Just one thing, Professor, will you level with me? What's with the feather duster? The beard? You think it moves the chicks?
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: No, it usually works the other way.
- Cappy: I don't dig. You don't want to level with me?
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: All right, I'll level with you. When I first started out at Harvard, I was the youngest professor at the university. I was so young that it was sickening. No one took me seriously. Every time when I opened my mouth to speak, my students laughed, the other professors laughed, even the janitors laughted. Well, I knew it couldn't go on for long before I would be fired by the dean who did not want a professor that his students didn't take seriously. So one day at lunch, I sat down in the student cafeteria and presented my problem to this old professor friend of mine. And without even glancing up from his soup, he said to me: "buy yourself a pair of glasses and grow a beard." So you see, all of this is just 18 years of professor windowdressing.
- Cappy: Amazing how our lives parallel. You have that, and I have this.
- [points to the goatee on his chin]
- Cappy: You know why I grew this? I got a dimple in my chin and I didn't want anyone mistaking me for Kirk Douglas.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: But you don't look anything like Kirk Douglas.
- Cappy: See? It works.
- Eric Von Zipper: Ah, Professor?
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Yes, Mr. Von Zipper?
- Eric Von Zipper: I wonder if we could talk for a minute?
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: You mean like palaver?
- Eric Von Zipper: We could do that, too.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: I'm doing research on post-adolescent surf dwellers. I'm writing a book. It's called the Sutwell Report.
- Cappy: How 'bout that.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: I'm studying their rather primitive behavior patterns.
- Cappy: Boy, you came to the right cat. If anything you want to know about these kids I can tell you the whole thing in two words - they're nuts.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: They're nuts?
- Cappy: Yes, see, you noticed it too.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: [flying DeeDee in his plane] Dolores, this is a great little plane, it will do anything.
- Dolores: [her face turns green] Will it land?
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: [helping DeeDee out of the plane] Will I see you tomorrow?
- Dolores: Only if they allow me visitors.
- Marianne: Well! I can see the headlines now: Famed Anthropologist Dr. R. O. Sutwell Arrested As A Peeping Tom.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: My, dear young woman, at this moment I'm concentrating on developmental biology in human beings.
- Marianne: That's what I mean.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: It's my new book. Oh, by the way, how do you like this title: The Behavior Pattern of the Young Adult and it's Relation to Primitive Tribes.
- Marianne: I've got a shorter title.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: What's that?
- Marianne: Teenage Sex!
- Marianne: I'll help.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Thank you, Marianne.
- Marianne: On one condition.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Yes, what's that?
- Marianne: After you write this book on sex...
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Yes?
- Marianne: Read it!
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: The music you hear in the background they're playing - a brief footnote on a comparison to Haitian Voodoo ceremony.
- Dolores: You better let me go.
- Eric Von Zipper: Hey! I like you. And what Eric Von Zipper wants, he gets.
- [moves in for a kiss]
- Dolores: No. No! Don't!
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Eric Von Zipper: Huh?
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: I'm R.O. Sutwell. I'm sorry to intrude; but, you're molesting this young lady.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Dolores, I've got to confess something to you. You've suddenly become very important to me and I'm interested in finding out more about you.
- Dolores: Oh?
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: You see, I'm an explorer. I explore. You understand?
- Dolores: Yes, I understand.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: You're my first contact.
- Dolores: Really? At your age?
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Yes. And to men at my age, first contacts are terribly important.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: You know, I think it would be better if we talked this over at my place.
- Dolores: [gulp] Alright.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: You mean you will?
- Dolores: Yes.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Tomorrow then.
- Dolores: Tomorrow?
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Yes, say about noon.
- Dolores: Oh, Robert, you even know when a girl shouldn't be rushed!
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Would you say that I'm an old man?
- Marianne: Older than what?
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Older than young.
- Marianne: [Dolores leaves] No wonder you feel old.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Marianne, that's my first contact. It's pure research! It's business.
- Marianne: Lolita business.
- Dolores: Isn't it a hooting day!
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Yes, it - a hooting day?
- Dolores: The sets are so glassy!
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: The sets are glassy?
- Dolores: The waves! They're just like glass!
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Oh, I see. Tell me something. Hooting, now, as I see it, means, sort of a cry of pleasure - from the word: to hoot?
- Dolores: Oh, yeah. Robert, you're so intelligent!
- Marianne: By the way, how did the game go last night? Any home runs?
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: No. But, it wasn't exactly a shut out.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: I'm really enjoying this. Scratch you later, chick.
- Marianne: Eh, *dig* you later.
- Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Dig? Oh, yes, yes. Yes, I must work on that.