Hercules, Samson and Ulysses

This movie, like all its Italian muscleman predecessors, is so good-natured, sincere, and well- meaning that it's impossible not to be charmed by it. The windy, overblown score makes every little thing anyone does sound like the most majestic, wondrous thing ever experienced. Whenever Samson or Hercules throws a spear or a lasso it makes a cartoonish whistling noise to show that this was a SUPER throw, not some puny mortal toss. It makes one with he could move to Ithaca, wear one of those manly costumes (and fill it out properly), and bask in the sunshine and the smiling benevolence of Hercules and his companions. Best not to hang out with Samson though, You can tell by the look on his face in the final scene that he senses things are about to go badly wrong for him. Beware of Delilah!

Two mythological heroes collide when Hercules and Samson team up, with an assist from Ulysses, to tackle the diabolical king of the Philistines and his minions. Along the way, Herc does battle with a hideous sea monster (aka: a big seal), a rather confused buffalo, and a languid lion. Meanwhile Sam dazzles the Philistine army with his astonishing spear-throwing prowess.

When these two titans finally meet, it's an all out, boulder-tossing, pillar-demolishing showdown! Then, they're off to crush the Philistines and their odious ruler in the ultimate battle royal!

If you're a fan of these muscleman epics, then you should love this. The Styrofoam boulders fly like... well, Styrofoam, and there's enough body oil used to fill an Olympic swimming pool!

Watch for the astonishing Delilah (Liana Orfei) and her magnificent dance routine!

SIDE NOTE: Check out the helmets on the Philistine soldiers. They're repurposed German helmets from some World War II movie! They take you out of the movie so completely, it's like watching something from Mel Brooks! Absolute brilliance!...

And just caught it again on television this morning, 1 May 2018. Fifty-five years later, it's still classic high camp. Ah, memories.... One detail that escaped me the first time is that the Philistines are all wearing World War II German helmets. I guess there were a few of them available in Italy in 1963.

There is some real nostalgic support for this movie, but I think it's misplaced. On the positive side, from time to time you come across some very nice looking sets. The palace exterior and interiors are truly impressive. It's too bad they weren't used in a movie that makes any sense. It's pretty clear that even in the original language, the actors chewed the scenery without mercy.

But I didn't see it in the original language. The dubs are hideously bad. It doesn't help that the dialogue is as wretched as it gets. Real Junior High School level writing, if that good.

Okay, so we have bad acting, bad dubbing, bad dialogue, what else? The story itself is just stupid, despite Samson's mad spear-throwing skills, where the same two soldiers on horses fall down with every double spear throw. LOL.

This must have been towards the end of the Italian musclemen "epics". As the title shows, the list of characters includes just about everyone. The Hercules and Samson are the blockheads you would expect, but Ulysses, true to his origin in Homer, is a wily and engaging character, who makes fun of the others while solving their problems. I remember this example of the "sword & sandal" school with affection because the script and the acting do show a really entertaining sense of humour.