Doris Day credited as playing...
Beverly Boyer
- High Society Man in Tuxedo: [In a live broadcast scene from Happy Playhouse] And in honor of this occasion, I'd like to propose a toast. To you, Lorraine, thank heavens I didn't marry you. Tell me, do you still have those magnificent soft white shoulders... whom do you tantalize with them now?
- [Lorraine throws her drink on him]
- High Society Man in Tuxedo: You tramp! Waiter! You tramp!
- Beverly Boyer: [watching the scene with advertising executives] Hey, wasn't that scene like the one last week with the Nazi and that woman?
- Billings: [dismissively] Similar, but the public doesn't notice things like that.
- Andy Boyer: [watching the scene from home with his sister] They did that play last week, except they wore different costumes.
- Maggie Boyer: Yeah, it's the same story.
- Billings: It's much too subtle a variation for the public to detect.
- Andy Boyer: Mom, can we play golf till lunch is ready?
- Beverly Boyer: Yes, darling. You can play in the back yard. Don't chop up the lawn like daddy.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Now you have finally done it.
- Beverly Boyer: Done what?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: You have finally succeeded in equating the delivery of a baby with the delivery of a commercial.
- Beverly Boyer: If anybody ever asks me to go on television again, I hope that you'll just...
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I will. I'll beat 'em off with my stethoscope.
- Beverly Boyer: Why do you have to get so excited, darling?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Excited? I just *drove* my car into a swimming pool!
- Beverly Boyer: Gerald? You always said you wanted a pool.
- Beverly Boyer: Well, I don't like. Whatever happened to my rights as a woman?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I'll tell you what happened to them. They grew and they grew until they suffocated my rights as a man. Whoever said all men are created equal didn't anticipate a woman making $100,000 a year and spending it on swimming pools.
- Beverly Boyer: I did not spend it on swimming pools! You're gonna wake the children.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Good! It'll give them a chance to get reacquainted with their mother.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Did you know I'm a great doctor?
- Beverly Boyer: Well, I've always suspected it. How did you find out?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I helped a lady become pregnant.
- Beverly Boyer: You did what?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: She's been trying for 20 years.
- Beverly Boyer: Oh. Oh, really? Um, what did you - do?
- Beverly Boyer: Gerry, to hire a sitter at a dollar an hour when we're paying a housekeeper, I just think - it's a sin.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Bev, even the best of us sin once in a while. Tonight's your night.
- [kiss]
- Beverly Boyer: [Yelling down from bedroom window] Gerry!
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: [as he attempts to park his car] What?
- Beverly Boyer: [as Gerald drives the car into the pool] Oh!
- [as Gerald looks angrily as the car sinks in the water]
- Beverly Boyer: Oh! Oh! Gerald, I'm coming! Darling, I'm coming! Oh!
- [after Gerald swims out of the pool]
- Beverly Boyer: Oh, darling, you're dripping wet!
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: WHERE did the pool come from?
- Beverly Boyer: Oh, oh, oh. Darling you must be chilled to the bone.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: It's a *heated* pool. How did it get HERE?
- Beverly Boyer: Please don't shout.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I have to shout to be heard over that bilge pump.
- Beverly Boyer: It's a filter, darling.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I *know* what it is. I want to know how it got in my backyard!
- Beverly Boyer: [reading from a magazine] "In some cases, household duties, important as they are, are not sufficient to gratify a woman's desire for expression. Mrs. America might do well to start early in her marriage - a planned cultivation of outside interests and hobbies."
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Ridiculous!
- Beverly Boyer: Ah, you wrote it darling.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I know I did. But, it doesn't pertain to you.
- Beverly Boyer: Gerald Boyer, will you please tell me what went on in here tonight?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: All I can tell you is if you'd been home, where you belonged, whatever went on would not have gone on.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Olivia was screaming.
- Beverly Boyer: Olivia? What was she screaming about?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: She thought I wanted to get into bed with her.
- Beverly Boyer: She thought you wanted to - *what*?
- Beverly Boyer: Maggie wants to wear her flowered panties to school tomorrow. You'll have to hand wash them.
- Olivia: I'm leaving. I'll not linger in this Den of Iniquity one moment longer.
- [glances to Dr. Boyer]
- Beverly Boyer: But, Olivia, you're so happy here - and you know we all love you.
- Olivia: [glancing again at Dr. Boyer] Well, I don't need that kind of love.
- Beverly Boyer: Would you come home early? I'll bake you something special - with r-r-r-r-rum.
- [growls]