James Garner credited as playing...
Dr. Gerald Boyer
- Mrs. Fraleigh: I've been taking very long walks up and down Fifth Avenue.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Fine. Exercise is very important.
- Mrs. Fraleigh: I don't walk for the exercise. I walk to show off. I'm proud of my condition. Is that silly?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Silly? That's about the healthiest attitude you could have.
- Mrs. Goethe: [pics up the phone, speaks with a strong accent] Hallo?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Hello, this is Dr. Boyer.
- Mrs. Goethe: Doctor nicht home. He hospital.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: No, I am Dr. Boyer. I would like to speak to Mrs. Boyer.
- Mrs. Goethe: Mrs. Boyer Picture parlour. Ich sage Nein. Doctor not home.
- [hangs up]
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I guess, I'm not home.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Now you have finally done it.
- Beverly Boyer: Done what?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: You have finally succeeded in equating the delivery of a baby with the delivery of a commercial.
- Beverly Boyer: If anybody ever asks me to go on television again, I hope that you'll just...
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I will. I'll beat 'em off with my stethoscope.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I'm the kind of a husband who likes to see his wife. Not staring at him from a billboard, or looking up at him from a magazine ad. I want to see her, and I want to see here in person and often.
- Mrs. Fraleigh: I don't know when I've been so happy. I guess there's nothing more fulfilling in life than having a baby. Oh, listen to me. Something you've probably heard a thousand times.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Never stated so beautifully.
- Beverly Boyer: Why do you have to get so excited, darling?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Excited? I just *drove* my car into a swimming pool!
- Beverly Boyer: Gerald? You always said you wanted a pool.
- Beverly Boyer: Well, I don't like. Whatever happened to my rights as a woman?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I'll tell you what happened to them. They grew and they grew until they suffocated my rights as a man. Whoever said all men are created equal didn't anticipate a woman making $100,000 a year and spending it on swimming pools.
- Beverly Boyer: I did not spend it on swimming pools! You're gonna wake the children.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Good! It'll give them a chance to get reacquainted with their mother.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Did you know I'm a great doctor?
- Beverly Boyer: Well, I've always suspected it. How did you find out?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I helped a lady become pregnant.
- Beverly Boyer: You did what?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: She's been trying for 20 years.
- Beverly Boyer: Oh. Oh, really? Um, what did you - do?
- Beverly Boyer: Gerry, to hire a sitter at a dollar an hour when we're paying a housekeeper, I just think - it's a sin.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Bev, even the best of us sin once in a while. Tonight's your night.
- [kiss]
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I thought Spot inviting people to join her in her bath was very effective.
- Old Tom Fraleigh: Well, maybe they're bathing with her, but they sure as heck aren't using Happy soap.
- Beverly Boyer: [Yelling down from bedroom window] Gerry!
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: [as he attempts to park his car] What?
- Beverly Boyer: [as Gerald drives the car into the pool] Oh!
- [as Gerald looks angrily as the car sinks in the water]
- Beverly Boyer: Oh! Oh! Gerald, I'm coming! Darling, I'm coming! Oh!
- [after Gerald swims out of the pool]
- Beverly Boyer: Oh, darling, you're dripping wet!
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: WHERE did the pool come from?
- Beverly Boyer: Oh, oh, oh. Darling you must be chilled to the bone.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: It's a *heated* pool. How did it get HERE?
- Beverly Boyer: Please don't shout.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I have to shout to be heard over that bilge pump.
- Beverly Boyer: It's a filter, darling.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I *know* what it is. I want to know how it got in my backyard!
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Oh, well, I didn't realize your life lacked fulfillment! You've always shouted how being a doctor's wife was career enough.
- Beverly Boyer: [reading from a magazine] "In some cases, household duties, important as they are, are not sufficient to gratify a woman's desire for expression. Mrs. America might do well to start early in her marriage - a planned cultivation of outside interests and hobbies."
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Ridiculous!
- Beverly Boyer: Ah, you wrote it darling.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: I know I did. But, it doesn't pertain to you.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Do you always sleep with a bat?
- Olivia: You read such awful things in the newspapers. A girl can't be too careful.
- Beverly Boyer: Gerald Boyer, will you please tell me what went on in here tonight?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: All I can tell you is if you'd been home, where you belonged, whatever went on would not have gone on.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Olivia was screaming.
- Beverly Boyer: Olivia? What was she screaming about?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: She thought I wanted to get into bed with her.
- Beverly Boyer: She thought you wanted to - *what*?
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: Honey? Sweetheart, I'm surprised at you - letting me go into the shower without my underwear.
- Dr. Gerald Boyer: [singing] You're a sweetheart, If there ever was one, If there ever was one it's you, You're a sweetheart, If there ever was one, If there ever was one it's you, You're a sweetheart...