Jack Lemmon credited as playing...
Sam Bissell
- Sam Bissell: He took a shower?
- Minerva Bissell: Well, of course. Didn't you take a shower at Janet's?
- Sam Bissell: No, I didn't take a shower at Jan... What do you think I am? Some kind of a sex maniac?
- Sam Bissell: Do you realize I've been in the same traffic jam, going to the same job, everyday for six years and so have they. Everyday all husbands, we get up and we take the same road into the same job - we even dress alike! We put on a gray suit and a hat and a buttoned-down shirt and the - like sheep!
- Janet Lagerlof: [Looking for his wife, Sam interrupts Janet in a steamy shower] You must be Sam! I'm Min's friend, Janet. Janet Lagerlof.
- Sam Bissell: How do you do, Mrs. Lagerlof?
- Janet Lagerlof: How do you do? I mean, I mean, Lagerlof is only my, my maiden name. Until my divorce is final, I am still Mrs. Howard Ebbets.
- Sam Bissell: Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Ebbets?
- Janet Lagerlof: How do you do? Nice to see you!
- Sam Bissell: Nice to - see you. Well, look, I don't want to disturb your shower. Can I get you anything? Soap or...
- Janet Lagerlof: No, no. Thank you. I have everything.
- Sam Bissell: Make yourself at home.
- Sam Bissell: Good, clean-living, family type men, don't go around making love with their next door neighbors on the street corners.
- Minerva Bissell: Wait a minute. Of course! There's a very simple way to get Sam across to your house without being seen.
- Sam Bissell: Well, what are you going to do? Shoot me out of a cannon, dear?
- Minerva Bissell: Don't be silly, dear. We don't even have a cannon.
- Janet Lagerlof: Sam, I really hate to impose on you, but, could you - please stay tonight, with me, here?
- Sam Bissell: Yeah, I guess I better.
- Janet Lagerlof: Thank you. You're a darling. Now, let's see. It won't be dark for a couple of hours. What'll we do? We'll have to kill some time. What do you usually do when you come home from work?
- Sam Bissell: Well, Min usually makes me a martini.
- Janet Lagerlof: Alright. I'll make you a martini. Get comfortable.
- Minerva Bissell: Now, if that man shows up tonight, be careful. Don't fight him.
- Sam Bissell: No, don't worry. I'm not afraid of him.
- Minerva Bissell: I know. But, just be careful.
- [kiss]
- Sam Bissell: Good night, love.
- Minerva Bissell: Now, isn't this awful. Here I am kissing you good night and you're going across to spend the night with another woman. A very attractive woman. Be careful!
- Sam Bissell: I told you, I'm not afraid of him.
- Minerva Bissell: I don't mean him, I mean her!
- Sam Bissell: Don't call my wife a snoop!
- Howard Ebbets: Your wife?
- Janet Lagerlof: Yes, his wife. She's also my best friend. And she kindly loaned me the use of her husband.
- Sam Bissell: Oh, it's ridiculous. Why am I worried about a - madman like that. I know the story. It's typical. Typical. He just took advantage of you. You know, the smooth dancer, the fancy dresser, you were young and naive, and you thought he was a swell fella because he never made a pass at you and then you marry him and you find out why. Mama's boy. A pretty Mama's boy are all wind up and no pitch, as we used to say. It's a sad facet of American life.
- Janet Lagerlof: Oh, no. He wasn't a Mama's boy. He was quite the contrary.
- Minerva Bissell: Howie and I are gonna play cards. He's really a lot of fun, Sam.
- Sam Bissell: I bet. What kind of cards?
- Minerva Bissell: Honeymoon bridge.
- Howard Ebbets: [to Minerva] Say, listen, Minzie, you know, honey, we never would have made this hand if he hadn't made the wrong discard.
- Sam Bissell: Yes, you said that before, didn't you.
- Sam Bissell: Has he made a pass at you yet? Well, has he or hasn't he? Well, don't just give me a look. It's not such a ridiculous question! For your information, he is known to be highly oversexed!
- Minerva Bissell: Now?
- Sam Bissell: Well, I don't say he takes ads; but, his own wife told me and it made me sick when she did! He's disgusting. Can you imagine what it must be like to be married to a man like that? She's sexually normal.
- Minerva Bissell: Oh?
- Minerva Bissell: You know what I miss the most?
- Sam Bissell: What?
- Minerva Bissell: My feet get so cold.
- [last lines]
- Denise Bissell: Did you know that Grandma takes her teeth out before she goes to bed, Daddy? Could I please take my teeth out when I get bigger? Please, Daddy?
- Sam Bissell: [to Minerva] Yes. Things are back to normal.
- Sam Bissell: [to Min, as the belly dancer dances at their table] I think we should go out more often.