Paul McCartney credited as playing...
Paul
- John: Hey, look at the talent. Let's give them a pull.
- Paul: Should I?
- George: Aye, but don't rush. None of your five-bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff.
- Paul: What's that supposed to mean?
- George: I don't know, I just thought it sounded distinguished-like.
- John: George Harrison, the Scouse of distinction!
- Grandfather: Hullo.
- John: He can talk then, can he?
- Paul: 'Course he can talk. He's a human being, isn't he?
- Ringo: Well, if he's your grandfather, who knows! Ha ha ha!
- Ringo: [referring to half-dressed room-service waiter hiding in the wardrobe] Any of you lot put a man in the cupboard?
- George: Nah!
- Paul: Don't be soft!
- Ringo: Well, someone did.
- George: [George gets up, walks over, looks in the cupboard, then sits back down]
- George: He's right, you know
- John: There you go.
- [the boys are listening to the radio]
- Man on Train: And we'll have that thing off as well, thank you.
- Ringo: But...
- Man on Train: An elementary knowledge of the Railway Acts would tell you that I'm perfectly within my rights.
- Paul: Yeah, but we want to hear it, and there's more of us than you. We're a community, like, a majority vote. Up the workers and all that stuff!
- Man on Train: Then I suggest you take that damned thing to the corridor or some other part of the train where you obviously belong.
- John: [Leaning over to the man] Give us a kiss.
- Ringo: I don't snore.
- George: You do, repeatedly.
- Ringo: Do I snore, John?
- John: Yeah, you're a window-rattler, son.
- Ringo: That's just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul?
- Paul: With a trombone hooter like yours, it would be unnatural if you didn't.
- Grandfather: Now, Paulie... don't mock the afflicted.
- Paul: Ah, come off it, it's only a joke!
- Grandfather: Aye, it may be a joke to you, but it's his nose. He can't help having a hideous great hooter! And his poor little head, trembling under the weight of it!
- Man On Train: I shall call the guard!
- Paul: Ah, but what? They don't take kindly to insults, you know. Let's go have some coffee and leave the kennel to Lassie!
- Norm: Now you've got about an hour, but don't leave the theater. Where are you going, John?
- John: [with a dancing girl] She's gonna show me her stamp collection.
- Paul: [also with a girl] So's mine.
- Norm: John, I'm talking to you! This final run-through is important, understand? IMPORTANT!
- [John snorts like a pig, then leaves]
- Grandfather: I want a cup of tea!
- Norm: Uh, Shake?
- Shake: [reaching for a guitar] Um... I've got to adjust the decibels on the imbalance, Norm.
- Norm: Clever. George?
- [George puts his fingers in his ears]
- Norm: Ringo, look after him, will you?
- Ringo: Ah, Norm!
- Norm: Do I have to raise my voice?
- Ringo: All right. Come on, Granddad.
- [mumbling]
- Ringo: I'm a drummer, not a wet nurse, you know?
- Ringo: It's the Circle Club.
- Paul: [reads aloud the invite] "The management of the Circle Club takes pleasure in requesting the company of Mr. Richard Starkey--that's you--to their gaming rooms. Chemin de Fer, Baccarat, and Champagne Buffet".
- [He pronounces it like it's spelled]
- Ringo: They want me.
- John: It's gotten around you're a big spender.
- Norm: [snatches the card from Paul] Well, you're not going.
- Ringo: Aww!
- Grandfather: [snatches the card from Norm] Quite right. Invites to gambling dens full of easy money and fast women. Chicken sandwiches and carts full of caviar. Disgusting!
- Ringo: That's mine!
- Paul: Yeah, where's the old mixer?
- Grandfather: Here, Paulie.
- Paul: I've got a few words to say to you, two-faced John McCartney.
- John: Oh, leave him alone. He's back, isn't he? He can't help being old.
- Paul: What's being old got to do with it? He's a trouble-maker and a mixer, that's good enough for me!
- John: [to Grandfather as he sulks] Don't worry son, we'll get you the best lawyer green stamps can buy.
- Paul: Oh ho, it's a laugh a line with Lennon!
- Paul: Anyway, it's your fault.
- [points to Ringo]
- Ringo: Why me?
- George: Why not you?
- [pause, he looks around baggage holding, pats the dog next to him]
- John: God, it's depressing in here, isn't it? Funny. They usually reckon dogs more than people in England. You'd expect something more palatial.
- [turns back to Paul]
- John: Let's do something, then.
- Paul: Like what?
- [John takes out a pack of cards]
- Paul: OK.
- George: [as the schoolgirls arrive to watch] Cor, there's the girls.
- Ringo: I'll deal 'em.
- John: [Ringo separates the cards into two even piles and simply flicks through them] Aye aye, the Liverpool Shuffle.
- Ringo: [after montage of them playing with "I Should Have Known Better" in background, Ringo has won] Mine, all mine!
- John: He's wearing his lucky rings.
- John: And we're looking after him, are we?
- Grandfather: I'll look after myself.
- Paul: Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.
- John: He's got you worried, then?
- Paul: Him? He's a villain, a real mixer. And he costs you a fortune in Breach of Promise cases.