Ringo Starr credited as playing...
Ringo
- Man on train: Don't take that tone with me, young man. I fought the war for your sort.
- Ringo: I bet you're sorry you won.
- Ringo: [arrested, at the police station] I demand to see my solicitor!
- Police Inspector: What's his name?
- Ringo: Well, if you're gonna get technical about it...
- Grandfather: Would you look at him? Sittin' there with his hooter scrapin' away at that book!
- Ringo: Well, what's the matter with that?
- Grandfather: Have you no natural resources of your own? Have they even robbed you of that?
- Ringo: You can learn from books!
- Grandfather: You can, can you? Pahh! Sheeps' heads! You could learn more by gettin' out there and living!
- Ringo: Out where?
- Grandfather: Any-old-where! But not our little Richard. Oh, no. When you're not thumpin' them pagan skins you're tormenting your eyes with that rubbish.
- Ringo: Books are good.
- Grandfather: *Parading's* better.
- Ringo: Parading?
- Grandfather: [nods eagerly] Parading the streets! Trailing your coat! Bowling along! LIVING!
- Ringo: Well, I am living.
- Grandfather: You? Living? When was the last time you gave a girl a pink-edged daisy? When did you last embarrass a Sheila with your cool, appraising stare?
- Ringo: You're a bit old for that sort of chat, aren't you?
- Grandfather: Well at least I've got a backlog of memories! All you've got is--THAT BOOK!
- Grandfather: Hullo.
- John: He can talk then, can he?
- Paul: 'Course he can talk. He's a human being, isn't he?
- Ringo: Well, if he's your grandfather, who knows! Ha ha ha!
- Ringo: [referring to half-dressed room-service waiter hiding in the wardrobe] Any of you lot put a man in the cupboard?
- George: Nah!
- Paul: Don't be soft!
- Ringo: Well, someone did.
- George: [George gets up, walks over, looks in the cupboard, then sits back down]
- George: He's right, you know
- John: There you go.
- [the boys are listening to the radio]
- Man on Train: And we'll have that thing off as well, thank you.
- Ringo: But...
- Man on Train: An elementary knowledge of the Railway Acts would tell you that I'm perfectly within my rights.
- Paul: Yeah, but we want to hear it, and there's more of us than you. We're a community, like, a majority vote. Up the workers and all that stuff!
- Man on Train: Then I suggest you take that damned thing to the corridor or some other part of the train where you obviously belong.
- John: [Leaning over to the man] Give us a kiss.
- Ringo: I don't snore.
- George: You do, repeatedly.
- Ringo: Do I snore, John?
- John: Yeah, you're a window-rattler, son.
- Ringo: That's just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul?
- Paul: With a trombone hooter like yours, it would be unnatural if you didn't.
- Grandfather: Now, Paulie... don't mock the afflicted.
- Paul: Ah, come off it, it's only a joke!
- Grandfather: Aye, it may be a joke to you, but it's his nose. He can't help having a hideous great hooter! And his poor little head, trembling under the weight of it!
- Norm: Now you've got about an hour, but don't leave the theater. Where are you going, John?
- John: [with a dancing girl] She's gonna show me her stamp collection.
- Paul: [also with a girl] So's mine.
- Norm: John, I'm talking to you! This final run-through is important, understand? IMPORTANT!
- [John snorts like a pig, then leaves]
- Grandfather: I want a cup of tea!
- Norm: Uh, Shake?
- Shake: [reaching for a guitar] Um... I've got to adjust the decibels on the imbalance, Norm.
- Norm: Clever. George?
- [George puts his fingers in his ears]
- Norm: Ringo, look after him, will you?
- Ringo: Ah, Norm!
- Norm: Do I have to raise my voice?
- Ringo: All right. Come on, Granddad.
- [mumbling]
- Ringo: I'm a drummer, not a wet nurse, you know?
- Casino Manager: Before you go, gentlemen, there's a little matter of the bill.
- Norm: I'll take care of that.
- [Norm take a look at the bill]
- Norm: [shocked] 180 pounds?
- Casino Manager: I beg your pardon. Guineas.
- Casino Croupier: Your winnings, my Lord. 190 pounds.
- [Grandfather is excited, but the manager immediately takes the money from him as payment for the bill]
- Grandfather: Where are me change?
- Casino Manager: Cloakroom charge.
- Ringo: Oh, well. Easy come, easy go.
- [Grandfather and Norm angrly look at Ringo]
- Ringo: Well?
- [Grandfather and Ringo are held in a police station]
- Grandfather: Have they roughed you up yet?
- Ringo: What?
- Grandfather: Oh, they're a desperate crew of drippings, and they've fists like mature hams for pounding poor defenseless lads like you. One of us has got to escape. I'll get the boys. Hold on, son, I'll be back here.
- Ringo: For me?
- Grandfather: And if they get you on the floor, watch out for your brisket.
- Ringo: They seem all right to me.
- Grandfather: Ah, sure, that's what they want you to think. All coppers are villains.
- Police Inspector: Would you two like a cup of tea?
- Grandfather: See, *sly* villains.
- Grandfather: It's your nose, you know. Fans are funny that way, they take a dislike to things. They'll pick on a nose.
- Ringo: Aw, you pick on your own.
- Ringo: It's the Circle Club.
- Paul: [reads aloud the invite] "The management of the Circle Club takes pleasure in requesting the company of Mr. Richard Starkey--that's you--to their gaming rooms. Chemin de Fer, Baccarat, and Champagne Buffet".
- [He pronounces it like it's spelled]
- Ringo: They want me.
- John: It's gotten around you're a big spender.
- Norm: [snatches the card from Paul] Well, you're not going.
- Ringo: Aww!
- Grandfather: [snatches the card from Norm] Quite right. Invites to gambling dens full of easy money and fast women. Chicken sandwiches and carts full of caviar. Disgusting!
- Ringo: That's mine!