Tony Curtis credited as playing...
Bob Weston
- Bob Weston: Gretchen, let me ask you something. If you were as pure as the driven snow...
- Gretchen: Honey, I can't remember that far back.
- Bob Weston: I'd like to be able to get to that broad. I need a plan! Something that's vicious, low, filthy and dirty!
- Susan: Well, you'll think of something, Angel.
- Helen Gurley Brown: Oh, no, no, no. Don't be frightened. Are you really so bashful with her?
- Bob Weston: [pretending to be Frank Broderick] I'm even bashful with you.
- Helen Gurley Brown: Well, there's no need to be. See, we're holding hands and nothing is happening.
- Bob Weston: Something is happening.
- Helen Gurley Brown: You're gaining confidence and that's what's happening.
- Bob Weston: I'm gaining confidence and that's what's happening.
- Gretchen: I'm sorry Bob, but, when fame knocks you should answer.
- Bob Weston: Eh, that's opportunity.
- Gretchen: Well, whatever it is, I'm answering.
- Bob Weston: I've got an idea for a follow-up on that kid, that Dr. Helen Brown, that'll blast every other magazine right off the news stands! It's a personal exposé right from her own lips! Does she or doesn't she? Either way it's a crummy story.
- Bob Weston: You call me darling again and I'm going to send you to Readers Digest.
- Susan: Dr. Helen Brown says that being properly aggressive a girl can land any man she wants to!
- Bob Weston: Well, you're not a girl. You're a secretary!
- Bob Weston: [talking about Dr. Brown] I'll bet you this kid has been giving flying lessons and she's never been off the ground!
- Bob Weston: Gretchen, you read this book, "Sex and the Single Girl," right? Tell me, what do you think of this Helen Gurley Brown. Is she really on the level?
- Gretchen: I don't know, honey. I don't think I've ever lived like a single girl.
- Helen Gurley Brown: Mr. Broderick, when did all this jealousy start?
- Bob Weston: [pretending to be Frank Broderick] On our honeymoon. Even before our honeymoon, I guess. She knows I used to play around a lot before we were married.
- Helen Gurley Brown: How does she know?
- Bob Weston: She was the one I used to play around a lot with.
- Helen Gurley Brown: You're a very good looking man, Mr. Broderick.
- Bob Weston: [pretending to be Frank Broderick] You're a very beautiful girl, Dr. Brown.
- Bob Weston: [pretending to be Frank Broderick] She'd hit the ceiling if she thought you and me were sitting here alone. You know what she'd figure? She'd figure a broad as pretty as you has *got* to be on the make.
- Bob Weston: [pretending to be Frank Broderick] Please, Doctor, don't misunderstand me. When I talk about you or any other girl, it's only as a customer. You see, I make ladies stockings and that's all I care about - is business. When I look at a woman's legs - may I see your legs, please? See, when I look at a woman's legs, I mean, beautiful.
- Helen Gurley Brown: Thank you.
- Bob Weston: But, when I look at a woman's legs, I look at them because I have to, not because I particularly want to, you know. I mean, what good is a casing without the sausage inside?
- Bob Weston: [pretending to be Frank Broderick] When I get anxious, I get scared. Because I'm scared, I get inadequate. And, because I'm inadequate, she thinks - she thinks I'm with other women. She - doesn't think that I'm inadequate. She just thinks I'm tired.
- Gretchen: Anniversaries like these always leave me with a strange kind of longing.
- Bob Weston: For marriage.
- Gretchen: Oh, no, honey! I wouldn't give up my career for marriage, kids or happiness.
- Bob Weston: Good girl, good girl!
- Helen Gurley Brown: Are you attracted to me?
- Bob Weston: [pretending to be Frank Broderick] Oh, yes, Dr. Brown. I am, I am, I am.
- George: You wouldn't let the truth stand in the way of a good story, would you?
- Bob Weston: George, you don't have to tell me anything about ethics.
- Bob Weston: That way she'll be with you all day long and she'll be able to see for herself that you're not fooling around with - any other - chicks.