John Lennon credited as playing...
- [At Scotland Yard]
- John: Hold on, it's them! Only me and Paul know we're here.
- George: I know we're here.
- Bhuta: [in the Indian restaurant, referring to Ringo] Excuse me, sirs, but if he is to be sacrificed before the dread Kaili, why is he not painted red?
- John: That's a question I've never been able to pluck up the courage to ask him, but as he's me best friend I will.
- [One of Clang's men is choking John]
- John: Get off!
- [George jumps in to help, but Clang's man falls aside. George ends up choking John]
- John: It's me, you fool!
- George: [Still choking John] Oh, sorry!
- John: Well, stop it!
- Ringo: What was it that first attracted you to me?
- John: Well, you're very polite, aren't you?
- John: [finding a season ticket in his soup] What's this?
- Ringo: A season ticket. What do you think it is?
- John: Oh. I like a lot of seasoning in me soup.
- Superintendent: So this is the famous ring?
- Ringo: I'm in fear of me life, you know!
- Superintendent: And these are the famous Beatles?
- John: So this is the famous Scotland Yard, eh?
- Superintendent: And how long do you think you'll last?
- John: Can't say fairer than that. The Great Train Robbery, eh? How's that going?
- Clang: [offering a bagful of gold] Psst! Hey, Be-a-tle! You shall have fun, yes?
- John: No thanks, I'm rhythm guitar and mouth organ.
- Ringo: The Fire Brigade once got my head out of some railings.
- John: Did you want them to?
- Ringo: No, I used to leave it there when I wasn't using it for school. You can see a lot of the world from railings.
- John: [to Ringo whose arm is trapped inside a mail box] What are you doing?
- Ringo: Posting a letter.
- Ahme: [to Ringo, holding a syringe] This will make your finger shrink. Be brave.
- John: Don't look.
- Ahme: [into the camera] Alas, if he were brave, this would not be necessary.
- [Ringo's hand is trapped in the sandwich dispenser]
- Ringo: Hey someone's got hold of me finger!
- John: Are you trying to attract attention again?
- [after a failed attempt to steal Ringo's ring]
- Ringo: Hey! You've been messing about with me in my kip!
- John: Eh?
- Ringo: No, I mean, you know, with a fishing rod.
- John: I wouldn't touch it with a plastic one. What are you doing on the floor?
- Ringo: I'm tired.
- John: Stop dragging things down to your own level, it's immature son.
- Ringo: I thought, Well I... I thought she was a sandwich, 'til she went spare on me hand.
- Cameo: Boys, are you buzzing?
- John: No thanks, I've got the car!
- Cameo: No no no, listen. I'll have to play it back. You'll have to do it again!
- [He plays the recording back so they can hear the buzzing sound]
- John: Is that you?
- Paul: No.
- George: Well don't look at me.
- [Ringo and his drums crash through the sawn-through floor to the room below]
- John: That was you buzzing! You naughty boy!
- [to an Indian man standing on his head]
- John: Doesn't the blood rush to your head Sir?
- [In the restaurant kitchen]
- George: Doesn't the eastern flavor come rather expensive?
- [Paul to belly dancer]
- Paul: Doesn't the blood rush to your stomach?
- [Ringo is trapped in a cellar with a tiger]
- Superintendent: Good lord, it's Rajah, the famous Bengal man-eater who escaped from the London Zoo this morning.
- John: Good Lord! So it famous is!
- Superintendent: Oh, don't worry, he's absolutely harmless. All you have to do is sing Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" from the famous Ninth Symphony in D minor.
- John: Of course! Why didn't you think of that you twit!
- John: Oh, why don't you chop it off, Ringo?
- Ringo: Look John, I've had some great times with this finger.
- [to Paul]
- Ringo: And how do you know I wouldn't miss it?
- Paul: You're a rat underneath, aren't you?
- George: [referring to a drill coming through a painting] What's that?
- Austrian Waiter: What's what?
- George: That little whirly thing coming out of his stomach.
- Austrian Waiter: I can't look!
- [a hose comes through the whole the drill made]
- John: It's only a hose.
- [the waiter faints as the Beatles investigate the hose]
- Paul: [listens into the hose then hands it to John] It's for you.
- John: Who is it?
- Paul: The gardener.
- John: Get me the Home Office. He's wrecking my home!
