Cliff Osmond credited as playing...
Chester Purkey
- Max: If you ask me, we're just wastin' our time. I think this guy's legit.
- Chester Purkey: Maybe so, but let's give it a chance.
- Max: We've been watchin' for three days and three nights! That colored guy, he has to dress him, shave him, feed him, put him to bed, carry him to the toilet, brush his teeth. If that's an act, l'm Soupy Sales.
- Chester Purkey: Listen, I once shadowed a guy suin' the Yellow Cab Company. Some kinda collision. Claimed he was paralyzed. For six weeks we watchin' him and nothin'. Never even moved a muscle. He had this Swedish masseuse come every so often, give him a rubdown. Then one night, bingo! There he was, givin' her a rubdown.
- Max: No kiddin'.
- Chester Purkey: Caught him red-handed. Except that idiot cameraman. He got so carried away, he forgot to roll the film.
- Max: Hello to that broad!
- Chester Purkey: Keep your mind on business.
- Max: This is business. It's the wife. l'd sure hate to be stuck in a wheelchair with her around.
- Max: Oh boy, oh boy. Look at this.
- Chester Purkey: What?
- Max: I think l'm goin' out of my mind. I can't watch it any more.
- Chester Purkey: What?
- Max: Apricot dumplings! On top of chicken paprika, red cabbage, buttered noodles. And that dame, she hasn't touched any of it. Just yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak.