Michael Caine: Harry Palmer

Funeral in Berlin

Harry Palmer

Harry Palmer: Oh, by the way, is old Klaus Burger still alive?
Reinhardt: The forger?
Harry Palmer: Yeah, the forger.
Reinhardt: I'd like to run you out of Berlin, Palmer! You and MI5 and the Deuxième Bureau and the CIA and the rest of them. Then I can do my job instead of providing work for every forger, confidence man, thief, and murderer in this town!
Harry Palmer: Oh, I agree, I agree, I agree. But... is old man Klaus still alive?

Colonel Stok: I wish to defect, but there are conditions.
Harry Palmer: What do you want?
Colonel Stok: I want colonel's pay for life.
Harry Palmer: Don't we all.
Colonel Stok: A house in the country.
Harry Palmer: Oh, how many bedrooms?
Colonel Stok: Bedrooms do not matter. But I must have a big garden. I am a peasant at heart, and I want to grow roses in my old age.
Harry Palmer: In England, roses are out - weeds are in. Is that all?
Colonel Stok: That is all. I want comfort and security.
Harry Palmer: You've got all that in Russia now.
Colonel Stok: Aah, in Russia there is no place for an old Bolshevik. In my job I have made too many enemies.
Harry Palmer: Well, what about your family?
Colonel Stok: My wife died in a German air raid in 1941; my only son hasn't written to me in three years. What would you do in my position?
Harry Palmer: I'd stop telling lies, for a start. You have no son, and your wife is in Kiev with your daughter Katya. I know everything about you, Colonel Stok... from the size of your refrigerator to the cubic capacity of your mistress.

Harry Palmer: She picked me up last night, and - with my irrestible charm - I want to know why, and who she's working for.

Colonel Stok: If there is a mistake, the KRAPOs will be shooting at me.
Harry Palmer: That'll be nice: you'll find out what it's like to be an East German.
Colonel Stok: You are insolent! Do you think this job, this loathsome Wall, is all I've done for Communism? Does Smolensk mean anything to you, or Stalingrad?
[chuckles]
Colonel Stok: I look at your stupid face and I think you mean what you say. I like you, you're good at your job. You need only one thing.
Harry Palmer: What's that?
Colonel Stok: A reason for doing it.
Harry Palmer: I get paid.
Colonel Stok: £30 a week? Is it worth it - to be a tool of the generals? A tool for making trouble? Trouble makes arms, arms make money...
Harry Palmer: When you get to England, we'll give you a soapbox. You sure you want to defect tomorrow?
Colonel Stok: I told you, I'm still a good Communist. When a man leaves his wife, he remembers his wedding night. Communism was the love of my youth, and I've been faithful... until now. I was with Antonov-Ovseyenko at the storming of the Winter Palace in 1917. Do you know what that means in Russia?
Harry Palmer: Yes, I think so. It means you're an expendable hero.

[On his proposed defection]
Colonel Stok: And for you it is a propaganda victory - my name is worth a headline.
Harry Palmer: We get plenty of Russians. It's a pity you're not Chinese.

Harry Palmer: Inspector Reinhardt - do you find me physically attractive? Irresistible? I mean, if you saw me in the street, would you throw yourself at my feet?
Reinhardt: Corporal Palmer...
Reinhardt: [examines the Dorf passport given him by Palmer] Oh ja, I was told about Dorf, but I didn't know it was you... I should have guessed - so crooked, they had to put you in Intelligence.
Harry Palmer: It was my sex appeal, actually.

Johnny Vulkan: [dropping Palmer off to cross into East Berlin] Remember, you're Edmund Dorf.
Harry Palmer: How can I forget?
Johnny Vulkan: You have the address?
Harry Palmer: Yep... and my Luger pistol, and my cyanide pills and my inflatable Batman suit.

Harry Palmer: Ah, there is something else, sir.
Ross: Yes, what is it?
Harry Palmer: That 800-Pound loan, without interest, to buy my own car.
Ross: [after a sufficient pause] Yes.
Harry Palmer: [a bit confused] "Yes," I want it? Or "yes," I can have it?
Ross: [sounding disgusted] Yes, everything they say about you is true. Get out of here. Go back to Berlin.
Harry Palmer: [as he turns and leaves] Don't care much for Berlin, sir. You're liable to get your head shot off.
Ross: That's what you're paid for, isn't it, Palmer?
Harry Palmer: Yes, sir.

Hallam: Have a cup of tea. Darjeeling!
Harry Palmer: No thanks. I've gotta' go.
[heads for the door]
Hallam: Give my love to Berlin! I was there with Monty in '45.
Harry Palmer: [turns and gives him a deadpan look] So that's why the Germans surrendered.

Colonel Stok: [after Harry has seen through some deliberate lies that Stok was testing him with] I like you, English. You're not as stupid as you look. I wanted to see how well you were trained.
Harry Palmer: "Train hard, fight easy."
Colonel Stok: Ahh, you quote Marshall Suvorov! Bravo!

Colonel Stok: If you won't help me, I'll go to the Americans.
Harry Palmer: [showing indifference] Why don't you go to the Americans? They have more money.
Colonel Stok: Ah! Who wants to live in America? They are just Russians in pressed trousers. Revolutionaries gone decadent.
Harry Palmer: All right. I'll make my report to London. I'll tell them that you talk well - and lie badly.