Tony Bennett credited as playing...
Hymie Kelly
- Hymie Kelly: [narrating] Frankie wanted the town to be aware he was alive and he knew how to do it. Man, he wanted to swallow Hollywood like a cat with a canary. And he did it. The parts got bigger, and Frankie was hooked. Like a junkie shooting pure quicksilver into his veins. Frankie got turned on the wildest narcotic known to mortal man: Success. And he needed larger and larger doses. As the years went by, it became part of his life like air. The attention, the recognition. Now he was somebody. He was always too hungry. Too much and too far ahead of himself. He bought a Rolls before he could afford it. He bought the mansion in Bel Air. He went the route. The interiors were from the best shops on decorators row. Even Sam the houseboy was imported. Frankie played the part for real, the whole image. He had arrived.
- Sheriff: Hymie Kelly. Where'd ya get the name Kelly, *Hymie*?
- Hymie Kelly: From my father, Michael Kelly! And he got it from his father, Timothy Kelly! And my mother's name was Sadie Rabinowitz, any more questions?
- Hymie Kelly: [thinking] You finally made it, Frankie! Oscar night! And here you sit, on top of a glass mountain called "success." You're one of the chosen five, and the whole town's holding its breath to see who won it. It's been quite a climb, hasn't it, Frankie? Down at the bottom, scuffling for dimes in those smokers, all the way to the top. Magic Hollywood! Ever think about it? I do, friend Frankie, I do...
- Sam: He's in a funky mood today.
- Hymie Kelly: Well, you know that pattern, every time he starts a new picture, snarly Fane, the boy-faced dog.
- Hymie Kelly: [narrating] Frankie found himself married, but, uh, he still couldn't change his feelings about women. So his only avenue was escape. He employed the slimy services of the Hymie Kelly broad-procuring agency. I was running out of numbers! He used 'em like Kleenex! Once, and threw 'em away!
- Hymie Kelly: She died on the table, ya bastard! She died under the knife! She miscarried!
- Frankie Fane: What's that got to do with me?
- Hymie Kelly: It was your baby!
- Hymie Kelly: [narrating] He was living in a posh place just off the Strip. It was a far cry from the motels we used to crawl into. It had hot and cold running everything!
- Frankie Fane: Speaking of broads, whatever happened to Laurel?
- Hymie Kelly: I married her.
- Frankie Fane: Oh yeah? How is she?
- Hymie Kelly: She died.
- Frankie Fane: What'd you say?
- Hymie Kelly: I said she died.
- Sam: Miss Cheryl Barker. Butter would melt in her mouth.
- Hymie Kelly: [laughs] Why not? She's got a hot mouth.
- Hymie Kelly: Where've you been? They told me you left the network three hours ago!
- Frankie Fane: I took a drive.
- Hymie Kelly: The phones haven't stopped! While you were out playing the part of the Wandering Gentile everyone who wouldn't look our way last week is calling to proclaim buddyhood.
- Frankie: What's the talk around town?
- Hymie Kelly: That you're an ex-pimp and I'm a child molester! I've heard of dirty politics, but this is the lowest!
- Hymie Kelly: I hate to leave you by yourself, Frankie. It's supposed to be a swingin' party in the village. Lots of chicks.