Edith Evans credited as playing...
Miss Victoria Woodworth
- Claude R. Fitzwilliam: You wanted anything, Miss Vicki?
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: You might pick up one or two African safari tents when you can.
- Claude R. Fitzwilliam: African safari tents - yes, ma'am.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: Yes. So the boys can camp out. It'll toughen them up for the dangers that lie ahead: college, marriage, Wall Street.
- Claude R. Fitzwilliam: Or, Altman's during the holiday season.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: The man's an absolute marvel! He's the 13th Fitzwilliam in a row to be a butler. Now, what do think of that?
- Juliet Nowell: I think it shows a lack of progress.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: Anyway, we could use some fresh ideas around here.
- Claude R. Fitzwilliam: And Miss Nowell struck you as teeming with great thoughts?
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: She didn't like you either, Fitzwilly.
- Juliet Nowell: No wonder you're so fond of him.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: I'm not fond of Fitzwilly, I love him. So will you, when you get to know him better.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: Fitzwilly graduated summa cum laude from Williams.
- Juliet Nowell: Well, then there's no excuse for his being a butler!
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: Does he need one?
- Juliet Nowell: Well, when there're so many wonderful things to do today, like joining the Peace Corps. Now, why would an intelligent man want to stay in a job that offers no risks, no challenges, no excitement?
- Juliet Nowell: Can't we start sending some of this around to publishers? Just to get a reaction.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: We'll see what Fitzwilly thinks. After all, it was his idea.
- Juliet Nowell: The dictionary was his idea, too?
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: Yes. He thought I needed a new interest in life after Father died - because hating Father had been my chief interest up to then, and I was lost without it. Anyway, Fitzwilly kept nagging me about everything, from ant collecting to Zen Buddhism - 'til he hit on the dictionary. And that got me interested in all sorts of things - such as living to be 100.
- Motorcycle Cop: Now, wait just a minute, folks!
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: I told you to be quiet, officer - and I loathe being called "folks".
- Claude R. Fitzwilliam: You must have forgotten. I've already hired you a secretary. She's due next week.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: Do you mean Jane Fairchild, the Vanderbilt butler's niece? She's got pink eyelids - like a bunny.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: Grimsby, you're getting very cranky.
- Grimsby: I know; I've noticed. But all the same, Mr. Neilsen from the Old Sailors' Home will be here in a minute. You'd better come and powder your nose.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: "Psychiatrist." That's one of those silly words like "pseudo," and "psittacosis" that starts with a silent "P." Idiotic. Why not "Pscenery," or "Pscience?"
- Juliet Nowell: Or "Psingapore."
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: Exactly... Ah... A psychiatrist is a doctor to whom you tell things that you wouldn't tell your own mother - and if you did, she would have the common decency not to believe you. Have you ever been to one?
- Juliet Nowell: No. Have you?
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: Yes. My father went with me, and made me leave after ten minutes. He said it was confusing me.
- Juliet Nowell: Was it?
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: No! He wanted the rest of the hour for himself - and a recurring dream he was having about a tribe of Indians on the Amazon boiling him alive and eating him. Well, talking about boiling alive, how do you feel like lobster for lunch?
- Juliet Nowell: Happy.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: So do I. Let's tell Fitzwilly.
- Juliet Nowell: Oh, Miss Vicki, can't we start sending some of this around to publishers, just to get a reaction?
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: We see what Fitzwilly thinks. After all, it was his idea.
- Juliet Nowell: The dictionary was his idea too?
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: Yes. He thought I needed a new interest in life after Father died, because hating Father had been my chief interest up to then and I was lost without it. Anyway, Fitzwilly kept nagging me about everything, from ant collecting to Zen Buddhism 'til he hit on the dictionary. And that got me interested in all sorts of things, such as living to be 100.
- Juliet Nowell: No wonder you're so fond of him.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: I'm not fond of Fitzwilly. I love him. So will you, when you get to know him better.
- Miss Victoria Woodworth: If we exceeded the speed limit, officer, you have a right to give us a ticket. You have not the right to shout at us, nor to reproach us for wasting your time. Your time is my time, and the time of all tax-paying citizens.