Lee Montague credited as playing...
Transom
- Juniper: [enters scene dressed as a clown, pulling a hobby horse, as if acting a scene] Will you take my horse, sir?
- Transom: [to Goodbody] Take no large notice, sir. He is working what is known as ticket, sir. Keeps the lads amused.
- [Clapper, Drouge, and Spool join Juniper, dressed normally]
- Transom: Pick those bits up, Gripweed!
- [joining the scene]
- Transom: Where's your tin hat gone, Juniper?
- Juniper: Losing by neglect, sir!
- Transom: If I catch you without your tin hat in a battle zone again, I'll ram it down your throat!
- Clapper: Losing by neglect, one mess tin.
- Juniper: One mess tin!
- Transom: Did you have your name on it?
- [aside, to Goodbody]
- Transom: Take no notice, sir.
- Juniper: Scratched on!
- Goodbody: Pull these...
- Clapper: Scratched on?
- Goodbody: ...men together!
- Juniper: Scored it!
- Transom: How dare you disfigure government property? Six days royal warrant. March him off, Musket Major. Two men!
- [exeunt Juniper, Clapper, Drogue, and Spool]
- Transom: [to Goodbody] Ought to camouflage up, sir, or go - or go get the scrim up, sir, if you're stopping. Us in our, uh, vests here, sir. Exposed to all manner of nasty -
- Goodbody: [interrupting, angry but calm] I'm going to explode, but I won't. I think the roller, don't you?
- [walks to background]
- Juniper: [re-enters scene still dressed as a clown, Drogue, Spool, Gripweed, and Clapper in tow] Bayonet!
- Transom: Bayonet?
- Spool: Where's your bayonet?
- Juniper: Must have left it sticking in the enemy, sir!
- Spool: Spur!
- Juniper: Where?
- Transom: Where's your spur?
- Juniper: Must have left it sticking in the horse, sir!
- Goodbody: [calls out] Two men!
- [exeunt players]
- Goodbody: [walks back to Transom and ex-Dooley, points his finger at ex-Dooley, shouting] There! On the end of my finger!
- Gripweed: [re-enter players] Finger!
- Juniper: Finger?
- Gripweed: Musketeer Juniper, where's your finger?
- Juniper: Must have left it sticking up the Khyber Pass, sir!
- Transom: Self-inflicted injury! March him off, Musket Major! Two - wait for it!
- [pause, players posed as if frozen while running]
- Transom: Two men!
- [exeunt players]