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How to Save a Marriage and Ruin Your Life (1968)

Dean Martin: David Sloane

How to Save a Marriage and Ruin Your Life

Dean Martin credited as playing...

David Sloane

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Quotes52

  • David Sloane: I'll never ruin another woman, unless I know she's old enough for Medicare.
  • Carol Corman: I'll go to see the chief psychiarist. I'll plead with him.
  • David Sloane: No, don't. He's a man. No, you've been through enough. Now, just get into a taxi. Go straight home, and be sure the driver's a woman.
  • David Sloane: Harry, I've had martinis all over the world... and I can safely say... yours are the worst.
  • David Sloane: Miss Corman, good-bye. They say that a man forgets pain and remembers pleasure. My memory of you will be a complete blank.
  • David Sloane: Ask him! Harry's never been a liar.
  • Mary Hunter: I wouldn't degrade myself. My attorney will ask him that question.
  • David Sloane: Your attorney? You'd spend $20,000 for an answer you could get by just simply turning over in bed and tapping your husband on the shoulder?
  • Mary Hunter: You mean on those rare occasions when I find him there?
  • Carol Corman: Pardon me.
  • David Sloane: Yes?
  • Carol Corman: Do you have the time?
  • David Sloane: No.
  • Carol Corman: It's 10 after five.
  • [David thinks to himself: Harry didn't say she was bright]
  • Mary Hunter: Aren't you shocked?
  • David Sloane: I just got back from Rome. Nothing would shock me.
  • Harry Hunter: When your marriage isn't going well, the last thing you look for is another woman.
  • David Sloane: How come it's the first thing you find?
  • Harry Hunter: How do you describe a saint?
  • David Sloane: Usually, they're dead. Now a saint she ain't. So throw me a few of her mortal qualities.
  • David Sloane: Have you any plans for tonight?
  • Carol Corman: Just a convulsion.
  • David Sloane: Wouldn't you rather have a drink?
  • Harry Hunter: [Describing Muriel] Honest, loyal, selfless, devoted, dedicated, understanding. You've never met anyone like this.
  • David Sloane: I don't think you have either. And I pity the wife of a man who thinks he has.
  • David Sloane: My name's David Sloane, and I find you terribly attractive. Are you married? You emotionally involved with any other man? Is there any other reason why you and I shouldn't have a drink together?
  • [Carol shakes her head to each question]
  • David Sloane: Let's go have drink.
  • Carol Corman: [In her thoughts about David] Such a rare combination. So masculine and yet so sensitive.
  • David Sloane: [In his thoughts about Carol] If she had the guts to tell me a story like that, why haven't I got the guts to hit her with that ketchup bottle?
  • David Sloane: I have a friend who's in trouble. He doesn't know it, and I have to warn him.
  • Carol Corman: You're the kind of man who would go out in the middle of the night to help a friend.
  • Harry Hunter: [Pointing to a big shaggy dog in his station wagon] Mary's mother gave that to me as a present. She trained it. She would show it photos of me and say, 'Kill! Kill!'
  • David Sloane: Harry, cradle the affectionate little creature in your arms. Add a wing to your house so Mary's mother can be with you forever.
  • Harry Hunter: Will you roll up your sleeves so I can see the needle marks?
  • Harry Hunter: David, only a cruel, sadistic mind could think of that.
  • David Sloane: Now you're beginning to appreciate me.
  • Harry Hunter: This is anarchy, socialism, creeping Trotskyism. Isn't that what you told me in the cab?
  • David Sloane: And you're going to take advice form a man that almost destroyed you? Look what I've done to you.
  • David Sloane: Hey, when are you ever gonna learn, Harry?
  • Harry Hunter: I trusted you.
  • David Sloane: Oh, don't try to squirm out. Admit it. Your judgment was lousy.
  • Harry Hunter: But this is an attack on my integrity.
  • David Sloane: Integrity? When I came into your office telling poisonous, horrible lies about this saint-like creature, why didn't you have me tossed out?
  • Harry Hunter: I don't know. Why didn't I?
  • David Sloane: Because there's a flaw in your character, that's why, Harry.
  • Harry Hunter: David, help me.
  • David Sloane: If we only knew what turned decent people into Harry Hunters, evil would be erased from the face of the earth.
  • [Harry buries his face into the mantlepiece and cries quietly]
  • David Sloane: Aw, cry it out, baby, cry it out.
  • Carol Corman: There is one type of woman that's very popular with men.
  • David Sloane: Yeah, what type is that?
  • Carol Corman: Widows.
  • David Sloane: Well, that's a little extreme, but I want to help.
  • Carol Corman: Particularly those with small children. It stimulates a man's protective instincts. If you were really concerned about my future happiness, you'd leave me a widow with, uh... five, uh... or six small children.
  • David Sloane: It's probably best you become a young widow.
  • Carol Corman: It will help.

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