Michele Carey credited as playing...
Bernice
- Bernice: You know it's very difficult being a beautiful woman, men just never leave you alone.
- Greg Nolan: You won't believe this, but I'm leaving you alone.
- Bernice: Well, did you hear a nightingale? Did the blood dash against the distant shores of your heart?
- Greg Nolan: Nope.
- Bernice: What did you feel?
- Greg Nolan: Nothin'.
- Bernice: Nothin'?
- Greg Nolan: N-O-T-H...
- Bernice: [to her dog] Sick him Albert!
- Greg Nolan: Who invite you here?
- Bernice: Well, a good looking girl is always welcome to one of these midnight brawls.
- Greg Nolan: How did you know about the party?
- Bernice: Being a good looking girl, I followed you.
- Greg Nolan: If you really wanna help, go make me a hot buttered rum.
- Bernice: You've got to get out of these wet clothes or you're going to freeze to death.
- [starts undressing Greg]
- Greg Nolan: If *you'll* get out of here, I will!
- Bernice: Suit your self.
- Bernice: All I want's a little huggy bear.
- Greg Nolan: Huggy bear?
- Bernice: Yeah, you relax and I'll hug. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
- Greg Nolan: I thought you told me your name was Alice?
- Bernice: Oh, yes, well, *you* can call me Mrs. Baby.
- Greg Nolan: *Mrs.* Baby?
- Greg Nolan: [dream sequence] Bernice!
- Bernice: My name's Alice.
- Greg Nolan: Alice?
- Delivery Boy: Her name's Suzy.
- Greg Nolan: Suzy?
- Milkman: This is Betty.
- Greg Nolan: Betty? What is your name?
- Harry: Her name's *Bernice*.
- Harry: Happy House Warming, Greg! Whew!
- Greg Nolan: I should have known you'd be here?
- Bernice: Oh, now don't be nasty. Harry brought champagne and the dinner.
- Harry: Yeah. Egg rolls and hot dogs. You'll love 'em!
- Greg Nolan: Look, what does it take to get through to you? We have nothing in common, we never did, we never will.
- Bernice: Oh, Greg, how can you be so controvertible?
- Greg Nolan: Controvertible?
- Greg Nolan: [in the shower] Is there something else you want?
- Bernice: [from outside the shower] Do you want me to scrub your back for you?
- Greg Nolan: No, that's not necessary. Thank you.
- Bernice: No, I don't mind. Really, I don't.
- Greg Nolan: It's not necessary. Look, Bernice, why don't you go...
- Bernice: Afraid?
- Greg Nolan: Of what?
- Bernice: That you might lose control.
- Greg Nolan: I *never* lose control.
- Bernice: Okay, prove that you can allow me to scrub your back without - attacking me.
- Greg Nolan: You're nuts. Nuts!
- Bernice: Afraid?
- Greg Nolan: Of course not!
- Bernice: Fine.
- [starts to scrub Nolan's lower back]
- Greg Nolan: Hey! My back don't go that far down.
- Bernice: Beginning to lose control, huh?
- Greg Nolan: Hell, no.
- Bernice: Mr. Nolan, I must remind you, I only work at respectable houses and it looks to me like there's a little hanky-panky going on here.
- Bernice: I hope you realize how much I appreciate what you're doing for me.
- Greg Nolan: It's perfectly alright. Perfectly alright.
- Bernice: I hope its not too much of an inconvenience.
- Greg Nolan: Inconvenience? To have a full grown horse and a half-grown woman share my one-bedroom house, you must be kiddin'.