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Monty Python's Flying Circus (1969)

Michael Palin: It's Man • Various • 'It's' Man • ...

Monty Python's Flying Circus

Michael Palin credited as playing...

It's Man • Various • 'It's' Man • Luigi Vercotti • Voice Over #1 • Bishop • Linkman • Newsreader • Viking • Voice Over #2 • An Art Critic • Bevis • Cardinal Richelieu • Cardinal Ximenez • Doctor • First City Gent • Foreman • Frank Bough • Head Waiter • Jean-Brian Zatapathique • Ken Shabby • Michael • Officer • Pepperpot • Policeman • Presenter • Redcoat • Sergeant • The 'It's' Man • Various Roles • Vicar • Waiter • 'Blackmail' Presenter • 'Interesting Pepole Compère • 'McKamikaze Highlanders' Voice Over • 'Most Awful Family in Britain' (Sport) Presenter • 'Mt. Everest' Narrator • 'University of the Air' Announcer • A City Stockbroker • A Historian • A Man with a Tape Recorder Up His Nose • Alan Whicker #3 • Alexander Yahlt • Alfred Lord Tennyson • Algy • Angus Podgorny • Animated Professor • Archaeology Today Interviewer • Archbishop Gumby • Archbishop Ken Shabby • Argument customer • Arthur Briggs • Arthur Figgis's Fan • Arthur Pewtey • Assistant • BBC Announcer • BBC Man • Barnes • Betrothed Scottsman • Betty-Muriel Sartre • Bicycle Repair Man • Bill • Bounder of Adventure • Bowler Hatted Man • Boxing documentary narrator • Boy Scout • Brian • Brian Norris • Brigadier Zoe La Rue (deceased) • Charlie Gardener • Church Policeman • City Gent • Clock smuggler • Colin Mozart • Colonel Fawcett • Commander • Complaints Manager • Compère • Compére • Conjurer • Constable • Cricket Commentator • D.P. Gumby • Dame Elsie Occluded • Dame Irene Stoat • David Attenborough • David Mercer • Dick • Dr. Peaches Bartkowicz • Edna O'Brien • Ernest Scribbler • F.G. Superman • Female Fanshaw-Chumleigh • Fireman • First Airline Pilot • First Bandit • First Bishop • First Climber • First Critic • First Fireman • First Gas Man • First Gumby • First Hermit • First Jockey • First Lifeboatman • First Old Idiot • First Radio Announcer • First Richard III • First Sailor • First Writer • First Young Man • First Ypres Voiceover • Frank • Frank Gough • GPO Official • General #1 • Genghis Khan • George Bernard Shaw • German Radio Voice • Giuseppe • Grantley • Gumby #5 • Gunman • Hargreaves • Head of the Careers Advisory Board • Headmaster • Heimlich Bimmler (Himmler) • Helmut • Henry Wensleydale • Highwayman • Hopkins • Hospital Patient • Host • House Manager • Icelandic Gent • Inspector • Inspector Harry H 'Snapper' Organs • Inspector Muffin the Mule • Interrogated Officer • Interviewer • Interviewer #1 • Interviewer With a Hook For a Hand • Italian • James M'Burke • Jeremy Toogood • Jewish Figure • John Rickman • John Stokes • Joke Victim • Lafarge • Len Hanky • Lift Woman • Lionel • Louis XIV • Lumberjack • Male Peasant • Man Outside Bathroom • Man banging on the ceiling with a broom • Man in Cap • Man struck by 16-Ton weight • Man who Peeks into a Beach Hut • Man who forgot the question • Mark Edwards • Master of Ceremonies • Maurice • Messenger • Mongol • Movie Trailers Announcer • Mr. A • Mr. Anchovy • Mr. Atilla the Hun (Mr. Alexander the Great) • Mr. Boniface • Mr. Bradford • Mr. Burrows • Mr. Cook • Mr. Devious • Mr. Gabriello • Mr. Hartford • Mr. Horton's Boss • Mr. Jenkins • Mr. Ken Verybigliar • Mr. Notlob • Mr. Orbiter-5 • Mr. Padgett • Mr. Patrick Loone • Mr. Pither • Mr. Potter • Mr. Pudey • Mr. Smailes • Mr. Von Bulow • Mrs. April Simmel • Mrs. Collins • Mrs. Concrete • Mrs. Entrail • Mrs. Gorilla • Mrs. Kelly • Mrs. Nigger-Baiter • Mrs. Wills • Native • Norman • Not at All Naughty Chemist • Official • Padre • Peer of the Realm • Pepperpot #2 • Pepperpot #3 • Pepperpot #4 • Person on Tape Recorder • Pet Shop Employee • Pet Shop Employee's Brother • Pet Store Shopkeeper • Pilot • Plumber • Police Constable Pan-Am • Post Office Worker • Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald • Professor Gert van der Whoops • Professor R.J. Gumby • Property Dealer • Queen Victoria • R.M. Nixon • Radio Announcer • Ralph Garibaldi • Raymond Baxter • Rev. Arthur Belling • Ricky • Robbed Man • Robin the Hun • Ronald Rutherford • Russell Braddon • Salesman • Schoolmaster • Scot • Scots Soldier • Scott of the Antarctic • Scottsman • Second Announcer • Second Businessman • Second City Idiot • Second Cricketer • Second Interviewer • Second Journalist • Second Man • Second Man in Self-defense Class • Second Poofy Judge • Second Producer • Second Program Planner • Second Store Assistant • Second Tramp • Secretary of State • Seduced Milkman • Silly Walker • Sir Philip Sidney • Spectrum Presenter • Stockbroker • Superintendent Gaskell • Surgeon • Sweeney Todd • T.F. Gumby • The Boss • Third Booth • Third Bruce • Third Groupie • Third Knight • Third Miner • Third Psychiatrist • Third Radio Voice • Tony • Trainer • Venus de Milo • Vera's Husband • Voice of Teddy Salad • Voice over #2 • Voiceover #3 • Wally Wiggin • Weedy Man in Pullover with National Health Specs • Wilkins • Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

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Quotes39

  • Hermit: It's...
  • Cardinal Ximinez: Nobody expects the Sp -
  • ["THE END" appears on screen]
  • Cardinal Ximinez: Oh, bugger!
  • An Art Critic: [Repeated line] What a Terrible Joke!
  • Carol Cleveland: [Crying] But its my only line!
  • Hungarian: [reading from a English-Hungarian dictionary] I vill not buy this record, it is scratched.
  • Tobacconist: Sorry?
  • Hungarian: I vill not buy this record, it is scratched.
  • Tobacconist: Uh, no, no, this... uh... tobacconist.
  • Hungarian: Ah! I vill not buy this *tobacconist*, it is sratched.
  • Tobacconist: Uh, no, no, tobacco... um... cigarettes.
  • Hungarian: Ja! "Ci-ga-ret-ta"! Uh... My hovercraft if full of eels.
  • [pause]
  • Hungarian: My hovercraft
  • [motions "cigarettes"]
  • Hungarian: is full of eels.
  • [motions "matches"]
  • Tobacconist: Oh! Matches! Matches.
  • Hungarian: Ja! Ja, ja. Uh... do you *WA*nt... do you *WA*nt to come back to my place? Bouncy, bouncy!
  • Tobacconist: I don't think you're using that right.
  • Hungarian: You great poohft.
  • Tobacconist: Uh, that will be 66 please.
  • Hungarian: If I said you had beautiful body, vould you hold it against me? I... I am no longer infected.
  • Tobacconist: M-may I?
  • Hungarian: Ja! Ja!
  • [gives book to Tobacconist]
  • Tobacconist: Costs 6 and 6... costs 6 and... ah, here we are!
  • [Tobacconist says something in Hungarian, causing the Hungarian to punch him in the face. A police officer comes rushing into the store]
  • Police Officer: What's going on here then?
  • Hungarian: [to police officer] You have beautiful thighs.
  • Police Officer: What?
  • Tobacconist: He hit me!
  • Hungarian: Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait till lunch time.
  • Police Officer: [angry] RIGHT!
  • [Hungarian dragged away by police officer]
  • Hungarian: My nipples explode with delight!
  • Mr Smoke-Too-Much: I saw your add in the "Bolour" Supplement.
  • Bounder: The what?
  • Mr Smoke-Too-Much: The Bolour Suppliment.
  • Bounder: The Colour Supplement.
  • Mr Smoke-Too-Much: Yes, I'm sorry, I can't say the letter B.
  • Bounder: C?
  • Mr Smoke-Too-Much: Yes, that's right. It's all due to a trauma I suffered when I was a "sbool" boy. I was attacked by a bat.
  • Bounder: A cat?
  • Mr Smoke-Too-Much: No, a bat.
  • Mr Barnard: What do you want?
  • Man: Well I was told outside that...
  • Mr Barnard: Don't give me that, you snotty faced heap of parrot droppings!
  • Man: What?
  • Mr Barnard: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke you vacuous, toffy-nosed, malodorous pervert!
  • Man: What? I came in here for an argument.
  • Mr Barnard: Oh, oh oh I'm sorry, this is "abuse'. You want Room 12-A just along the corridor.
  • Man: Oh sorry. Thank you very much, sorry, thank you.
  • Man: [Shuts the door]
  • Mr Barnard: Stupid git.
  • Mr. Vibrating: Come in.
  • Man: Um, is this the right room for an argument?
  • Mr. Vibrating: I've told you once.
  • Man: No you haven't.
  • Mr. Vibrating: Yes I have.
  • Man: When?
  • Mr. Vibrating: Just now.
  • Man: No you didn't.
  • Mr. Vibrating: I did.
  • Man: Didn't.
  • Mr. Vibrating: Did.
  • Man: Didn't.
  • Mr. Vibrating: I'm telling you I did.
  • Man: You did not.
  • Mr. Vibrating: Oh I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
  • Man: Oh, just the five minutes.
  • Mr. Vibrating: Ah, thank you. Anyway I did.
  • Man: You most certainly did not.
  • Mr. Vibrating: Look, let's get this thing quite clear. I most definitely told you.
  • Michael Palin: Mount Everest: forbiding, aloof, terrifying. The mountain with the biggest tits in the world.
  • Customer: Hello? I wish to register a complaint. Hello, miss?
  • Pet Shop Owner: [coming up from the desk] What do you mean, "miss"?
  • Customer: I'm sorry, I have a cold.
  • Arthur Name: What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
  • TV Presenter: And now a precision display of bad temper.
  • [soldiers all yell in unison]
  • Soldiers: My goodness me! I am in a bad temper today, two three! Damn damn, two three! I am vexed and ratty, two three! And hopping mad!
  • [soldiers stamp feet on ground angrily]
  • TV Presenter: And now, the men of the Second Armored Division with their famous close order swanning about.
  • Sergeant: Squad... *Camp* it *up*!
  • [soldiers all chant in unison while mincing]
  • Soldiers: Ooh, get her! Whoops, I've got your number ducky, you couldn't afford me dear, two three. I'll scratch your eyes out! Don't come the Brigadier bit with us, dear, we all know where you've been, you military fairy. Two, three, one, two, three, four, five, six. Whoops! Don't look now girls, the man has just minced in with that jolly colour Sergeant, two three. Oooh!
  • Interviewer: Good evening. Tonight I have with me Mr. Norman St. John Polevaulter who, for the last few years, has been contradicting people. St. John Polevaulter, why do you contradict people?
  • Norman St. John Polevaulter: I don't!
  • Interviewer: But... You told me that you did.
  • Norman St. John Polevaulter: I most certainly did not!
  • Interviewer: [comprehending] Oh! I see. I'll start again.
  • Norman St. John Polevaulter: No, you won't.
  • Interviewer: Shh! I understand you *don't* contradict people.
  • Norman St. John Polevaulter: Yes, I do!
  • Interviewer: And when *didn't* you start contradicting them?
  • Norman St. John Polevaulter: I did! In 1952.
  • Interviewer: 1952?
  • Norman St. John Polevaulter: 1947!
  • Interviewer: 23 years ago.
  • Norman St. John Polevaulter: No!
  • Mr Boniface: ["It's the Mind: A Weekly Magazine of Things Psychiatric"] Good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we've lived through something before, that what is happening now has already happened tonight on "It's the Mind" we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we've...
  • [looks puzzled]
  • Mr Boniface: Anyway, tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange -
  • ["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Mr Boniface, shaken]
  • Mr Boniface: Good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we someti... mes get... that... we've lived through something -
  • ["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Mr Boniface, visibly shaken]
  • Mr Boniface: Good... good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of d-d-d-d-d-déjà v-v-v-v-v-vu. That extraordinary feeling... quite extraordinary...
  • [trails off; the phone rings and he picks it up]
  • Mr Boniface: No, fine thanks, fine.
  • [a hand reaches in and sets a glass on the desk; Boniface drinks and the hand exits]
  • Mr Boniface: Oh thank you. That strange feeling we sometimes get that we've lived through something before.
  • [phone; he picks it up]
  • Mr Boniface: No, fine thank you, fine.
  • [hand comes in as before; he jumps]
  • Mr Boniface: Thank you. That strange feeling we...
  • [phone]
  • Mr Boniface: No, fine thank you, fine.
  • [hand with glass]
  • Mr Boniface: Thank you.
  • [jumps and yelps]
  • Mr Boniface: Look, something's happening to me. I-I-um, I think I'd better go and see someone. Good night.
  • [exits and boards the psychiatrist milk float outside]
  • Milkman: Oi, haven't I seen you somewhere before?
  • Mr Boniface: No, doctor, no. Something very funny's happening to me.
  • ["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Boniface in the studio, nervously biting his nails. He sees the camera, screams with terror, and runs outside to the float]
  • Milkman: Oi, haven't I seen you somewhere before?
  • Mr Boniface: No, doctor, no. Something very funny's happening to me.
  • [a few minutes later, outside Dr Cream's office, Boniface jumps off and runs inside]
  • Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
  • Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
  • [outside, he jumps off the float, looks about, puzzled, and runs inside]
  • Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now, what seems to be the matter?
  • Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
  • [outside, he jumps off the float, more shaken, and runs in]
  • Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
  • Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
  • [outside, he jumps off the float, looks about, scared, and runs inside as the show ends]
  • Man: That was not five minutes just now.
  • Mr. Vibrating: I told you I'm not allowed to argue with you unless you've paid.
  • Man: I just paid.
  • Mr. Vibrating: No you haven't.
  • Man: Yes I have.
  • Mr. Vibrating: No you haven't.
  • Man: Look, I don't want to argue about this.
  • Mr. Vibrating: Well you didn't pay.
  • Man: Aha! If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? See, I've got you.
  • Mr. Vibrating: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
  • Man: I've had enough of this.
  • Mr. Vibrating: No you haven't.
  • Mr Mousebender: Tell me, have you in fact got any cheese here at all?
  • Henry Wenslydale: Yes, sir.
  • Mr Mousebender: Really?
  • Henry Wenslydale: No, not really, sir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
  • Mr Mousebender: Well I'm sorry but I'm afraid I'm going to have to shoot you.
  • Henry Wenslydale: Right-o then.
  • [Mousebender draws a gun and shoots Wenslydale dead]
  • Mr Mousebender: What a senseless waste of human life.
  • T.F. Gumby: Doctor? Doctor? DOCTOR!
  • [he bangs on a bell violently, eventually smashing it, as well as the desk and everything on it]
  • T.F. Gumby: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR!
  • Dr. Gumby: [enter Dr. Gumby] Hello!
  • T.F. Gumby: Are you the brain specialist?
  • Dr. Gumby: [thinks for a moment] Hello!
  • T.F. Gumby: Are you the brain specialist?
  • Dr. Gumby: No. No, I am not the brain specialist. No I am not. Yes! Yes I am!
  • T.F. Gumby: My brain hurts!
  • Dr. Gumby: Well, let's take a look at it, Mr. Gumby.
  • [begins to lift Gumby's sweater]
  • T.F. Gumby: No, no, no, my brain in my head.
  • Dr. Gumby: [thumps him on the head] It will have to come out.
  • T.F. Gumby: What? Out of my head?
  • Dr. Gumby: Yes. All the bits of it.
  • Clerk: You are Alexander Yalt?
  • Alexander Yalt: [in a Derek Nimmo voice] Oh I am.
  • Clerk: Skip the impersonations.
  • Alexander Yalt: I am.
  • Clerk: Mr Yalt you are charged that on the second day of January 1970 you wilfully, deliberately and with malice aforethought published an English-Hungarian Phrasebook with intent to cause a breach of the peace. How do you plead?
  • Alexander Yalt: Not guilty.
  • Clerk: You live at 46 Horton Terrace?
  • Alexander Yalt: I do live at 46 Horton Terrace.
  • Clerk: You are the president of a publishing company?
  • Alexander Yalt: I am the president of a publishing company.
  • Clerk: Your company publishes phrasebooks?
  • Alexander Yalt: My company does publish phrasebooks.
  • Clerk: You did say 46 Horton Terrace?
  • Alexander Yalt: Yes
  • Clerk: [bangs gong à la Michael Miles] Aha! Got him!
  • Ludovic: ['The Great Debate Number 31: TV4 Or Not TV4?'] Hello. Should there be another television channel or not? On tonight's programme, the Minister for Broadcasting, The Right Honourable Mr Ian Throat MP.
  • Mr Ian Throat: Good evening.
  • Ludovic: The chairman of the Amalgamated Money TV, Sir Abe Sappenheim.
  • Sir Abe Sappenheim: Good evening.
  • Ludovic: The Shadow Spokesman for Television, Lord Kinwoodie.
  • Lord Kinwoodie: Hello.
  • Ludovic: And a television critic, Mr Patrick Loone.
  • Mr Patrick Loone: Hello.
  • Ludovic: Gentlemen, should there be a fourth television channel or not? Ian?
  • Mr Ian Throat: Yes.
  • Ludovic: Francis?
  • Lord Kinwoodie: No.
  • Ludovic: Sir Abe?
  • Sir Abe Sappenheim: Yes.
  • Ludovic: Patrick?
  • Mr Patrick Loone: No.
  • Ludovic: Well there you have it, two say will, two say won't. We'll be back again next week, and next week's "Great Debate' will be about government interference in broadcasting and will be cancelled mysteriously.
  • Mr Mousebender: Tell me, do you have any cheese at all?
  • Henry Wenslydale: Yes.
  • Mr Mousebender: Now I'm going to ask you the same question again, and if you say "No", I'm going to shot you in the head. Do you have any cheese?
  • Henry Wenslydale: [contemplates] Um, no.
  • Mr Mousebender: [shots Henry Wenslydale through the head] What a senseless waste of human life.
  • Arthur Name: She your wife?
  • Victor: Um, no, actually...
  • Arthur Name: Ooooh, oooh, well don't let me interrupt anything, I know all about one-night stands! Oh, dear, this music isn't much, is it?
  • [throws away calm record and starts playing marsh music]
  • Arthur Name: I heard this hilarious joke at the pub today: What's brown and sounds like a bell?
  • Victor: I beg your pardon?
  • Arthur Name: What's brown and sounds like a bell?
  • [Iris shakes head in confusion]
  • Arthur Name: Dung!

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