Shirley MacLaine credited as playing...
Charity
- Charity Hope Valentine: Wow! This place sure is crawlin' with celebrities. I'm the only person here I never heard of.
- Oscar Lindquist: The odds against us are at least a hundred to one.
- Charity Hope Valentine: Those are the best odds I ever had.
- Oscar Lindquist: May I see you tomorrow? Maybe we could go to a movie.
- Charity Hope Valentine: Okay, but one with a happy ending. I'm nuts about happy endings.
- Charity Hope Valentine: Why'd he do it? Everything he ever wanted, I bought him. $11 shirts, $79 Italian silk suits. Just what'd I do wrong? I'd even get up in the middle of the night and buy him his meatball sandwiches. Boy, did he love those meatball sandwiches.
- Charity Hope Valentine: I'm a dance hall hostess.
- Vittorio: Oh.
- Charity Hope Valentine: There, you see? You shoulda let me lie. I was gonna be an assistant dental technician.
- Vittorio: Well, that doesn't sound very impressive.
- Charity Hope Valentine: It does to a dance hall hostess.
- Oscar Lindquist: Suppose you want a policy...
- Charity Hope Valentine: Yes, I want a policy. Go on.
- Oscar Lindquist: It's my job to study your particular situation... and then figure out the odds on your meeting with an unfortunate accident... like... like suffo... suff... suff... suffocating in an elevator.
- [He faints]
- [first lines]
- Charity Hope Valentine: Oh, Charlie! I'm on time, right? Wrong. You know what I did today? I looked at furniture. At couches that turn into beds and chairs that turn into beds and lamps that turn into beds.
- Charity Hope Valentine: He can go slip and slide his greasy head on somebody else's shoulder. I'm finished!
- Vittorio: Oh, that girl! She's driving me crazy. Wild fits of jealousy. I can't stand it any longer. She's impossible.
- Charity Hope Valentine: That was my first impression.
- Vittorio: Childish, neurotic, selfish.
- Charity Hope Valentine: That was my second impression.
- Vittorio: Well, it's finished. She's just not worth it.
- Charity Hope Valentine: Well, on the other hand, you know, she's not so bad in the looks department.
- Vittorio: Ah, yes. Yes, you're right. She is very beautiful.
- Charity Hope Valentine: Well, I mean, if you go for that sort of thing.
- Vittorio: No, you are right. You are absolutely right. She is - gorgeous.
- Charity Hope Valentine: I think I just screwed myself up.
- Vittorio: Do you like Brahms?
- Charity Hope Valentine: Huh?
- Vittorio: The music.
- Charity Hope Valentine: Oh. Oh, yeah. It's got a - it's got a great beat.
- Vittorio: What should I do? Be magnanimous and forgive her - or be aloof?
- Charity Hope Valentine: "AIoof" sounds good.
- Vittorio: You think so?
- Charity Hope Valentine: The aloofer the better.
- Charity Hope Valentine: I could eat a horse. I was only kidding.
- Vittorio: Now, we dance!
- Charity Hope Valentine: Yeah, I wasn't hungry anyway.
- Charity Hope Valentine: Where are we?
- Vittorio: My place. Come on.
- Charity Hope Valentine: Your place? Hey, wait. Just a second. Get in the car, get outta the car, go here, go there, your place... You think you can just "your place" and, eh...
- [snaps her fingers]
- Charity Hope Valentine: any time you feel like it, huh?
- Vittorio: Coming?
- Charity Hope Valentine: Yeah.
- Vittorio: Tell me, why do you believe in love?
- Charity Hope Valentine: Everybody's gotta have some religion, don't they?
- Vittorio: And so your religion is love?
- Charity Hope Valentine: Well, I'll tell you one thing, I sure go to church a lot.
- Charity Hope Valentine: [singing] All I can say is, wow, Hey, look at where I am, Tonight I landed, pow! Right in a pot of jam, What a set-up, holy cow! They'd never believe it, If my friends could see me, Now, They'd never believe it, They'd never believe it, They'd never believe it...
- Nickie: What you do in bed is your business.
- Charity Hope Valentine: You see? I wasn't even in bed. I was in the closet.
- Nickie: To each his own.