Shirley Jones credited as playing...
Shirley Partridge
- Tracy Partridge: ...It's not fair. I yelled dibbies on the bed.
- Laurie Partridge: Tracy has a point, Mom. Seems to me that we should all get a chance to vote. After all, this is a democracy.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Well, I certainly don't want to be undemocratic. So, I vote for the bed; and since you two are too young to vote, I win.
- Danny: ...Don't you think one genius in the family is enough?
- Keith: Who might that be?
- Danny: Modesty prevents me from stating the obvious.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Danny...!
- Danny: Well, at least I know my limitations. All I want to be is Howard Hughes.
- Keith: Then why don't you disappear?
- Danny: I refuse to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Tracy, it's your turn to say grace.
- Tracy Partridge: Dear Lord, thank you for our food, and please get Keith a date.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: ...Honey, I'm curious about something. It's purely hypothetical, of course. But suppose a boy were very interested in you when you weren't interested in him. How do you...
- Laurie Partridge: Get rid of Bernie?
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Well, it has been a while since I've done that kind of thing.
- Laurie Partridge: Well, you could start off by mentioning that you two have absolutely nothing in common.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: That's right. We don't.
- Laurie Partridge: Then you can tell him that you're a very independent woman. You know, a loner.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: A loner? With five kids?
- Laurie Partridge: Those are my two best ones, Mom.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Kids your age tend to fall in love very easily, sometimes even give up other relationships for what they think is love. Now I know you think you're in love with Laurie, but love at your age can pass just as quickly as it came, and your relationship as brothers is too much to give up for what could be a passing crush. What I'm trying to say is: what you think now will last forever, probably won't; what you're *sacrificing* *will*... You have no idea what I'm trying to say, do you?
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: There's no sense in waiting up. Laurie's in good hands.
- Danny: That's what I'm afraid of.
- Keith: ...I wouldn't worry about him. He's an archaeologist. He can always dig up a girl.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Tracy, don't put that drumstick up your nose!
- Tracy Partridge: Why not?
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: You don't know where it's been!
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Danny, when will Keith be able to pay back the money he owes us?
- Danny: If I have it my way, he'll be able to pay in about a year.
- Keith: A year!
- Danny: If Keith has it his way, we'll have to wait for the reading of his will.
- Keith: [the Partridge Family bus detours through the woods en route to their next gig. Danny takes Chris and Tracy for a walk. Tracy and Chris return sans Danny; both are covered with mud, and beaming excitedly] What happened to you guys? You're a mess!
- Tracy Partridge: Danny found this great place to play!
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: And he didn't come back with you two? Where *is* Danny?
- Danny: [off in the distance] HEEELP!
- [That "great place to play" turns out to be a pool of quicksand]
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Reuben, why is it you always manage to drop in when I bake an apple pie?
- Tracy Partridge: He gives me a dime to tell him.
- Reuben Kincaid: I hate to not-eat-and-run, but I gotta go.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Whatever gave you the idea you could operate your own Lonely Hearts Club?
- Danny: I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. What you said is, "Reuben needs a wife."
- Reuben Kincaid: I need a *what*?
- Tracy Partridge: I told them to get you a goldfish, but they wouldn't listen.
- Laurie Partridge: When you're well-known, it's an opportunity to set a good example.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: In fact, it's an obligation.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Well, kids, how do you like performing in an amusement park?
- Danny: Great! But it would be *perfect* if cotton candy was deductible.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: I think it's wonderful the way this whole family pitches in to help.
- Keith: You know, Mom... If you weren't always busy cleaning the house, you wouldn't be so tired.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: ...Let me explain something to you. I'm your mother, and in that way I'll always belong to all of you. But I'm also a woman. And even with five children whom I love very much, and who I know love me, there are times when I still feel lonely.
- Keith: ...I'm beginning to realize that responsibilities are something you have to assume gradually.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Well, you are a little young to be raising four kids.
- Keith: I'm old enough to handle them, all right. It just doesn't leave enough time to do my homework.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: ...I appreciate your volunteering to take the kids to the beach, but it just doesn't sound like you.
- Keith: I've been thinking: since I'm the eldest male, I have a lot of influence on them. Besides, I'm old enough to accept my responsibilities and give them the kind of leadership they need.
- Reuben Kincaid: Keith, have you been talking to a Marine recruiter?
- Keith: ...I think the whole thing taught me a lesson.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: What's that?
- Keith: I don't know yet. But there must be a lesson in there somewhere for all this suffering.
- Reuben Kincaid: ...I just can't believe it! Keith Partridge flunking sex education! Well, he and I finally have something in common.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Reuben, they didn't teach sex education when you went to high school.
- Reuben Kincaid: Yeah, I know. But I flunked it anyway.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: ...Danny, there's more to life than taking bows.
- Danny: Not when you're an egomaniac with grease paint in your blood.