Bigfoot

One thing about the stories of Bigfoot...they never talk about a Mrs. Bigfoot and all the little Bigfoots. So, the brave makers of this masterpiece(?) decided to not only make the world's first Bigfoot film but answer that burning question about Bigfoot procreation. No...there's no lady Bigfoot...just some hot women the creatures have abducted to turn into their baby mommas!

While the film has plenty of scenes with various Bigfoots walking around in the wilderness, the film STILL manages to be rather dull. Even with the biker gang and a couple sexy ladies....dull. About the only reason to watch it is to laugh...and I only chuckled a few times. I also did enjoy seeing a few down *John Carradine, Ken Maynard and James Craig) and out or nearly famous folks (the Mitchums)...but not enough to merit watching this silly mess of a film.

And finally, if you think about it, the plot of "Bigfoot" is very, very similar to "King Kong"...but bad.

When pilot, Joi Landis (Joi Lansing) has engine trouble, she's forced to parachute into the deep woods. Unbeknownst to Joi, she's landed in BIGFOOT country, and is quickly abducted by the creature.

Simultaneously, a bunch of bikers have arrived, looking for a place to party.

Oh dear!

A bikini-clad biker babe is nabbed by the beast, after she and her boyfriend disturb a yeti burial mound! We soon discover that there's a whole tribe of bigfoots -bigfeet?- and they're looking for love! Can the bikers, along with a local junk dealer named Jasper (John Carradine) rescue the women before the hairy horrors do the unthinkable?

THIS MOVIE CONTAINS: #1- Sex-starved sasquatches! #2- A biker called "Dum Dum"! #3- A lackadaisical bigfoot vs. Bear battle! #4- Ms. Lansing running around in her awesome outfit! #5- A forest ranger played by none other than intergalactic omni-star, Doodles Weaver! #6- Awe-inspiring bigfoot costumes (aka: men dressed as goggle-eyed piles of lint)! Toss in some twangy music, complete with bongo drums, and you know you're watching a divine spectacle!

EXTRA POINTS IF: You can count how many times Ms. Lansing screams her beautiful head off!...

If you list John Carradine's films in order of IMDb rating, Bigfoot ranks second to last. This is a guy who starred in films titled Hillbillys in a Haunted House, Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, Vampire Hookers, Satan's Cheerleaders and Sex Kittens Go to College, among many, many others. A gaggle of sasquatches are out looking for women to mate with in this extremely low budget flick that looks like it was filmed on spare sets from Hee Haw. John Carradine is the biggest star, but you also have big breasted Joi Lansing and two kids of famous Hollywood actors, Chris Mitchum and Lindsay Crosby. Robert Mitchum's brother, John, is also in it. Oh, and Jerry Marren, aka the green-shirted Munchkin from the Lollipop Guild (as well as, I believe, the only Munchkin who survives to this day) dons the costume of the child bigfoot. Anyway, a biker chick and a downed female pilot get captured by bigfeet, and Carradine and his bud John Mitchum join the gang, hoping to make money by capturing a live bigfoot. This is really cruddy, and pretty boring. It's rated at a dismal 1.4 on IMDb. I laughed at it enough, and it's short enough, where I'll rate it a tad higher. After all, the awesome poster of this film has decorated my wall for a few years ago (with the tagline "breeds with anything..."). This was the first time I ever watched an entire film on Youtube. That's certainly not preferable (a drive-in would be ideal), but it was the only way to see it.

BIGFOOT (1970) * (D: Robert F. Slatzer) Thank God for John Carradine, as he at least provides laughs as a southern hunter... but the rest of the movie is without value other than what he does/says next. Long, dead scenes pad out the 80+ minute running time.

Released in 1970, "Bigfoot" was one of the first quasi-horror films devoted to the legendary beast-man, if not THE first. It relays the story of a couple of girls kidnapped by some bigfoot creatures and the mixed posse of country police & bikers who seek to find them.

Unfortunately, this is Grade C filmmaking all the way. For instance, the opening credits don't appear until almost the 10-minute mark. Most the scenes leading up to this are overlong time-wasters, like Joi Lansing walking up to her small plane and entering. Totally pointless! I guess they had to pad this turkey somehow, which is only 83 minutes long as it is. Also, most of the "acting" is laughable, and I mean that literally.

For me, the film's worthwhile for three reasons only: (1.) The gorgeous Judy Jordan in a bikini, mostly tied up to a tree (also check her out in 1973's underrated Western "The Gatling Gun"); (2.) the cool hippie-era score; and (3.) the nostalgic badness of it all, which is sort of entertaining.

The movie was shot at Big Bear Lake and San Bernardino National Forest.

GRADE: D