Buck Henry credited as playing...
Colonel Korn
- General Dreedle: All right, at ease... there'll be no more moaning in this outfit... the next man who moans is going to be very sorry...
- Danby: Ohhhhhhh...
- General Dreedle: Who is this man?
- Colonel Cathcart: Major Danby, Sir.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: Danby... D-A-N-B-Y...
- General Dreedle: Take him out and shoot him.
- Colonel Cathcart: Sir?
- General Dreedle: I said take him out and shoot him... can't you hear?
- Colonel Cathcart: Take Major Danby out and shoot him...
- Colonel Cathcart: [as the base is being bombed in an air raid] What are you doing, Yossarian! Get off the field!
- Colonel Cathcart: [Yossarian fires a Colt .45 at him, but it clicks, empty] I wanna' see you later. You're confined to the base. I won't forget this!
- Yossarian: I don't think the Air Force is gonna' forget about *this*!
- Colonel Cathcart: Don't be ridiculous! What's good for M&M Enterprises is good for the Air Force! We had to get rid of that cotton. The Germans promised to take it off our hands, if we ran this mission for them! It's all part of the deal!
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: [loud bomb explosion is heard] There goes the Officer's Club!
- Yossarian: [incredulous] You made a deal with the Germans to bomb our own base?
- Colonel Cathcart: A contract is a contract! That's what we're fighting for!
- [first lines]
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: [speaking to Yossarian] All you have to do is be our pal.
- Colonel Cathcart: Say nice things about us.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: Tell the folks at home what a good job we're doing. Take our offer Yossarian.
- Colonel Cathcart: Either that or a court-martial for desertion.
- Colonel Cathcart: We're going to need a new squadron commander.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: And you're the only Major available on our headquarters staff.
- Maj. Major Major Major: No, Major is my name, not my rank.
- Colonel Cathcart: That's close enough for me, Major. Consider yourself a Major, now.
- Maj. Major Major Major: Sir, I don't know anything about being a squadron commander.
- Colonel Cathcart: We all have to make sacrifices, Major.
- Maj. Major Major Major: Sir, I'm in Billeting and Laundry!
- Chaplain Tappman: I don't know what you mean.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: You don't, huh? Well, then who does?
- Chaplain Tappman: I don't know, sir.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: You don't seem to know much about anything, do you, Father?
- Chaplain Tappman: No, sir.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: Are you describing some mystical experience you've had?
- Chaplain Tappman: No, sir. It's just that there are some very peculiar things happening.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: You haven't had any ecstatic visions or anything like that have you?
- Chaplain Tappman: No, sir.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: Didn't see a burning bush, hear any voices, anything like that?
- Chaplain Tappman: No, sir. It wasn't anything quite so extraordinary.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: I hope not! I think we have to keep our supernatural episodes down to a minimum with a war to win and all that.
- General Dreedle: Why isn't he wearing clothes?
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: He's talking to you.
- Colonel Cathcart: Why isn't he wearing clothes, Major?
- Maj. Major Major Major: Why isn't he wearing *clothes*, Sergeant?
- First Sgt. Towser: A man was killed in his plane over Avignon last week and bled all over him. His clothes haven't come back from the laundry yet.
- General Dreedle: Where are his other uniforms?
- First Sgt. Towser: They're in the laundry, too, sir.
- General Dreedle: Where's his underwear?
- First Sgt. Towser: In the laundry, sir.
- General Dreedle: That sounds like a lot of crap to me.
- Yossarian: [standing naked] It is a lot of crap, sir.
- Colonel Cathcart: Sir, you have my word for it, this man will be *punished* severely.
- General Dreedle: What the hell do I care? If he wants to receive a medal without any clothes on, what the hell business is it of yours?
- Colonel Cathcart: My sentiments exactly, sir.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: What would General Dreedle do?
- Colonel Cathcart: He'd crush him.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: Tear him apart.
- Colonel Cathcart: Smack him in the face.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: Jab him in the kidneys.
- Colonel Cathcart: Kick 'em in the balls!
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: You see, Yossarian, we're going to put you on Easy Street.
- Colonel Cathcart: We're going to promote you to Major.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: And give you another medal.
- Colonel Cathcart: We're going to glorify your exploits. Send you home a hero.
- Lt. Col. Korn, XO: You'll have parades in your honor.
- Colonel Cathcart: You can make speeches, raise money for war bonds.