George Kennedy credited as playing...
Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill
- Belle Nops: Where in the hell have you been?
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: At the jail taking care of my outlaw.
- Belle Nops: I didn't make you Sheriff to take care of your outlaw, but to protect my girls here.
- [indicates her bordello]
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Is somebody threatening them?
- Belle Nops: The Army is threatening them!
- Charles Stuart: The Army is threatening to move out.
- Belle Nops: And ruin every industry in Yerke's Hole... especially mine!
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Why would the Army move?
- Rev. Green: To go where the Indians are! That's what they come out west for - to fight Indians.
- Belle Nops: What we need is a good massacre.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: There ain't nothing but tamed Indians around here, Belle.
- Belle Nops: Well, stir 'em up!
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: How?
- Belle Nops: Break a treaty! Speak with forked tongue! How the hell should I know? I never started an uprising before!
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: This here is the chest from the stagecoach robbery and Dingus Magee estimates there may be as much as a million dolars in gold and silver pieces inside.
- Belle Nops: Well, the money ain't rightly ours, is it?
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Finders keepers. That's the Code of the West, ain't it?
- Belle Nops: Gimme that crowbar!
- Charles Stuart: Here he comes! Shall I shoot him in the back when he passes?
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: No! I want this to be a fair fight. I'll shoot him in the back. It's the Code of the West.
- Belle Nops: [hands Hoke a badge] Here. You're the new sheriff.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Maybe I oughta be sworn in or something.
- Belle Nops: Raise your right hand. Swear.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: To hell with Dingus Magee!
- Prudence Frost: You'll find the mayor over yonder - at Belle's Bordello.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: A Belle's what?
- Prudence Frost: Cathouse.
- Dingus Billy Magee: I'm sure you want to mosey out 'round look for the facilities. You don't want an uncomfortable ride over to Yerkey's Hole, do you?
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: No, I don't. Goodbye...
- Dingus Billy Magee: I'll show you right where it is. It's right back here. Right 'round here. The facility.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Ain't nothin' here?
- Dingus Billy Magee: The wall, Hoke. This thing has stood the test of time, for years and years.
- China Poppy: Miss Belle say Sheriff come see her.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: I can't. Not right now.
- China Poppy: Miss Belle say, you no come - she kick you in honorable ass.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: I'm gonna kill you dead, Dingus!
- Dingus Billy Magee: Every time I take my pants off, you come at me with a gun.
- Dingus Billy Magee: As long as we're partners, what do you say we ransack this place? I hear there's a lot of money 'round here.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Huh-uh. Half of Belle's money is gonna be mine when I marry her.
- Dingus Billy Magee: Well, let's rob the other half.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: You ought to fix that skunk *real* good. If there was only some way to keep him busy all night long.
- Anna Hot Water: Two Moons keep him plenty damn busy.
- Prudence Frost: My, it certainly is warm in here, isn't it?
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Shall I open a window?
- Prudence Frost: Ah, no. Why, no, that's all right. I'll just, um, open a few of these little buttons here on this high collar of mine. Oh, well, there, now. That's better, isn't it?
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: It sure looks better, Miss Prudence.
- Prudence Frost: Well, thank you and please don't call me Miss Prudence. Just, Prudence. Ah, Prude - for short, as they say, but not for long!
- Dingus Billy Magee: Where the hell's my million dollars that you stole from my chest?
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: I stole? You stole!
- Dingus Billy Magee: Would I be here if I stole?
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Would I?
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: If I get my hands on that bastard Ming, I'm gonna knock him on his Chinese ass!
- Dingus Billy Magee: What the hell is going on out there?
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: You and me is shootin' it out.
- Dingus Billy Magee: Is that a fact?
- Prudence Frost: Sheriff Birdsill, if you don't make an honest woman of me, tonight, I'll kill myself - with a gun - right at Belle's place so that everybody will know that it was you that wronged me.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: I got things to do outside, Miss Prudence.
- Prudence Frost: Call me Prude.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Like Hell!
- Prudence Frost: This ch-ch-chill is just, is just seizin' hold of me so fast I just think I'm gonna di-di-di die.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Is there anything that'll help?
- Prudence Frost: Body heat.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: How's that?
- Prudence Frost: Well, like the time my little sister fell through the ice and there just wasn't any way to stop the shiverin' until we hu-hu-huddled our bodies together under a blanket. Oh, Sheriff Birdsill, oh, if you would be so kind.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Oh, I consider that an honor. My pleasure ma'am.
- Prudence Frost: Oh. Ah-ah-ah-ahhh. Oh...
- Prudence Frost: Ohhhh, I do feel fiiiine, now. In fact, I feel well enough to get married.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Married?
- Prudence Frost: Uh-huh. Just as soon as we find the preacher.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: It was you that got the chill!
- Prudence Frost: Well, it was *you* that warmed it.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Who's that one in the derby?
- Dingus Billy Magee: That's John Wesley Hardin.
- Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill: Well, who's the one with the long black hair and the purty bosoms standin' behind him?