The Last Rebel

I came across this movie this morning. I was going to change the channel, but I saw the hair, I saw the back. It was Joe Namath! He was, and still is, as gorgeous as could be. I had a huge crush on him when I was a kid; I turned 35 last Thursday. Who doesn't remember his coming to see Bobby on "The Brady Bunch"? The movie, however? Wanted to send a lot of messages, but failed at all of them. It wanted to prove you could find true love, it wanted to let you know it's horrible to hate, it wanted to rescue little boys and even the soul of someone who doesn't seem too bright. No offense to Joe, because he's a pretty good actor, but who could do anything with that script? The soft-porn scenes with the two Mexican actresses was just stupid. And the scene he had with Pearl, who says (something like), "You Rebel." where he just smiles like it's a Pearl Drops commercial...very sad. The best line in the whole movie, and the one where Joe shows some comic timing, is the stand-off in Pearl's when the guy gets shot in the arm. He has his hands raised, and then says, "I can't hold them up much longer, you know?" Joe just looks at him like he's an idiot and says, "Put 'em down." Clint Eastwood would have paid money for that line. Good man, bad movie.

With the Civil War winding down in 1860s Missouri, Rebel soldier Joe Namath (his shirt unbuttoned to the navel) is on the run from the Confederates; he saves Woody Strode from a lynching, but falls out with fellow Rebel Jack Elam over gambling money--now Elam, the Confederates and the Klansman are all after him. This is a noisy, dusty western--and an ugly one to listen to with the many N-words directed at Strode. Namath was never able to make big waves in the film industry with choices like this one, however the gritty (if anachronistic) blues-rock score by Tony Ashton and Jon Lord is an asset. * from ****

Ok, so this movie is not Shane and "Broadway" Joe is not Alan Ladd. However, it is not that bad and in reality, it is not much different from the overhyped Clint Eastwood films like Fist Full of Dollars. Joe Namath is not much of an actor, but he is likeable and does a passable job in this easily forgotten flick. If you like "Broadway" Joe and have a few hours to waste, then see The Last Rebel.

Yes, I've seen worse films but this was so bad they had trouble keeping horses during the shooting; the critters would all run off at night. To say Joe Willie's talents lay elsewhere would be the understatement of the decade. His dismal performance wasn't all that noticeable, however, because everybody else stunk like a week old corpse in a broken icebox during a Texas heat wave. Even Elam, one of my all time faves, couldn't keep a straight face in many of his scenes. There was so much ham in this turkey that if Jimmy Dean bought it he would have to open up a new building to process all the pork. Seldom have I seen a greater collection of grinning jackasses than were displayed in this thinly plotted venture. The soundtrack was interesting but all that rock music never quite dovetailed with the action on the screen.

Remember the days when Joe Namath was a sex symbol? You can relive his glory years by catching this otherwise dreadful faux-spaghetti western. Joe plays an ex-Confederate soldier out to make it rich with buddy Jack Elam. When Joe decides to 'act', he raises his eyebrows and smirks...ever so slightly. More memorable is Jon Lord and Tony Ashton's entirely inappropriate soundtrack. A little Deep Purple pomposity here, an Ashton, Gardner and Dyke power ballad there...apparently producer Larry Sprangler wasn't about to pay for a decent composer like Morricone, Piccioni, or Umiliani.