Jack Lemmon: George Kellerman

The Out of Towners

George Kellerman

Gwen Kellerman: [after hearing George had been offered the Vice-President position] What did you say, George?
George Kellerman: What did I say? What do you think I said?
Gwen Kellerman: I don't know, George. I was hoping you would say no. I was hoping you would say that you and your wife don't really belong in New York. That you wanted to live the rest of your life in Ohio. That you never wanted to see a big city again as long as you live. That you didn't want to live here or in, uh, Chicago, or San Francisco, or New Orleans or Paris or any other place where people have to live on top of each other, and they don't have enough room to walk or to breathe or to smile at each other. That you don't want to step on garbage in the streets, or be attacked by dogs or have to give away watches in the middle of your sleep to men in black capes. That you were through traveling on trains that had no place to sit & no food to eat. And you didn't want to fly in airplanes that have no place to land, and no luggage for you when you land there. That you wish you never came here, and the only thing in the world you really wanted was to pick up your wife and carry her to the airport and fly home... and live happily ever after. That's what I was hoping you would say, George.
George Kellerman: That's funny... that's what I told him, word for word.

Gwen Kellerman: George, what are we doing wrong? We can't ride, we can't walk, we can't eat, we can't pray.
George Kellerman: Well, we can think. As long as we got our brains, we can think.
Gwen Kellerman: Oh, they'll get that too, George. You'll see.

George Kellerman: You chased a dog and you beat a horse. You're stronger than you think.

George Kellerman: And you're not getting away with anything! I got all your names and your addresses!

Gwen Kellerman: Why... why didn't we just stop and explain?
George Kellerman: Explain? What I'm doing in the bushes with a little boy? With my hands in his pockets? They'd give me 10-20 years.

Gwen Kellerman: George, now I-I promised I would call the children this morning. If they don't hear from me, they will be worried.
George Kellerman: Well, right now they're eating a big bowl of Rice Krispies and bananas. Worry about us, will you?
Gwen Kellerman: You haven't thought about them once since we left, have you? About their welfare? About their future if anything should happen to us? Have you thought about our children once since we left home?
George Kellerman: Yes! In between the mugging and the kidnapping! Now, you gonnna walk, or we gonna stand here and have a PTA meeting?

George Kellerman: Oh, please, please if there's any justice let Murray get mugged by the man who took my watch.

George Kellerman: 37,000 policemen in the city of New York! Not one'll come out in the rain!

Gwen Kellerman: [Since Murray the mugger made off with the key, George can't open his locked suitcase] Can't you break it open with a knife?
George Kellerman: Do you know what that suitcase is called, huh? "Diplomatic Courier." It's for couriers with important papers for diplomats. Can't get it open with a hand grenade!
Gwen Kellerman: How about a locksmith?
George Kellerman: In 17 minutes? He'd have to feed me and shave me while he's opening the suitcase. Well, it's the last time that I buy good luggage, I tell you. Never again. Never again!
[bangs futilely on his suitcase]

George Kellerman: I was going to take you to dinner at one of the best restaurants in the world. Here you are eating peanut butter on white bread with nothing to drink. If you ever get your mouth open again, I wouldn't blame you if you never talk to me.
Gwen Kellerman: Oh my God!
George Kellerman: What's wrong?
Gwen Kellerman: I lost my left eyelash!

Gwen Kellerman: Thank you very much.
George Kellerman: What are you thanking him for - deserting us? Will you stop thanking everybody?

Gwen Kellerman: George, I can't walk and you can't carry me. And there are no buses, or taxis, and no car is going to stop to pick up bleeding strangers.
George Kellerman: It's not safe in the park at night.
Gwen Kellerman: We have already been robbed and kidnapped. We have nothing to lose but four cents. Please, George.
George Kellerman: Suppose it rains again?
Gwen Kellerman: I am so wet now, it can only make me drier.

George Kellerman: [after being thrown out of a church] Mr Moyers, don't know if you're a religious man, but if I were you, at 2:00, I'd start praying for my job.

[George is reluctant to help a lost child]
Gwen Kellerman: George, I don't know what's happened to you, I've never seen you like this before.
George Kellerman: I never saw you wearing my shoes before, but we're in trouble.

[the taxicab barely arrives at the Longview Rail stop in time for the train to depart for Grand Central Station]
Barney Polacek, Cab Driver in Boston: Just made it. You better rush.
George Kellerman: How much is that?
Barney Polacek, Cab Driver in Boston: Four-fifty, but I still can't break a 20.
George Kellerman: All right, that's $2.00 from before plus $4.50 is $6.50, plus a dollar tip is $7.50. That's $12.50. You still gotta mail me. You got the address?
Barney Polacek, Cab Driver in Boston: Twin Oaks, Ohio. 1174 Kellerman La...
George Kellerman: [furious] No, I'M Kellerman! Willow Tree Lane! 1174 Willow Tree Lane!
Gwen Kellerman: [yells] George! George, he's got it. Come on!
George Kellerman: He hasn't got it! All he's got is my $20.
[George and Gwen rush the board the train as it's departing]
George Kellerman: I don't get my $12.50, you're gonna hear from me!
Barney Polacek, Cab Driver in Boston: Barney Polacek! 391 Clancy Street, Boston, Massachusetts! Zip Code 02124!
George Kellerman: [out of breath] He said Benny or Bernie? I don't know.