John Huston: Buck Loner

Myra Breckinridge

Buck Loner

Myra Breckinridge: What you have assembled here are the national dregs, the misfits and neurotics. In short, the fuckups of our culture.
Buck Loner: That ain't so. They are the carefully selected candidates for future stardom.
Myra Breckinridge: Bullshit!
Buck Loner: You can't talk to me like that, young lady. I'll have you outta here so fast, your hair'll curl.
Myra Breckinridge: You just try it and I'll take this place away from you lock, stock and empathy class.

Buck Loner: Remind me to have my masseuse come in at 5: 00 instead of 6:00 as I'm gettin' horny watchin' my niece on TV.

Buck Loner: Howdy Doody. Come right on in, little lady. Take the weight off them pretty little feet, while I finish my last mile back to the old corral. So, you wanna be a star? Mmm. It's a hard road. And I feel I should say, No, siree. But somethin'- somethin' about you tells me I should give you a chance. What do you say? Can you take the heartache and the torture and the heat of them five-kilowatt lamps over at MGM? From where I sit, I'd say you can. I can see your name in lights now. Fact is, you remind me of one of our former successful students, a Miss Gloria Swanson. You've heard the name, I 'm sure.
Myra Breckinridge: You mean she was one of your students?
Buck Loner: You bet your sweet ass. The fact is, my students is always sayin', "Uncle Buck, if it weren't for you, we'd still be warmin' that seat back in Schwab's Drugstore."
Myra Breckinridge: Really? I thought that was where Lana Turner was discovered?
Buck Loner: Her too. Her too! Well, I'll be goldurned. You really done your homework. Yes, little lady, Lana Turner put her sweet little fanny right where you're sittin' now. Lana, I says, "What say we put you in a sweater and make a movie?" And we did.

Buck Loner: I never knew Gertrude's boy had such an eye for feminine pulchritude.

Buck Loner: Myra, Myra, Myra! What a spit-lickin' horny toad I'd be to let you walk out of here without makin' some contribution, like, to the family pork 'n' beans.

Irving Amadeus: Is this your new masseuse?
Buck Loner: My niece, Miss Myra Breckinridge, who'll be teaching empathy and posture.
Irving Amadeus: Delicious!

Buck Loner: Old Buck Loner special would shape her up real good. God knows she wants it!

Charlie Flager Jr.: It's a goddamn disgrace, Buck. A man can't take his family to the movies without seeing some kind of filth.
Buck Loner: Yeah, yeah, I know. Now, listen, Charlie. You gotta get this bitch off my neck. She's making my life a living hell. Maybe you could plant drugs on her.
Charlie Flager Jr.: I mean filth, Buck! I saw this picture where people were fornicating. Fornicating!
Buck Loner: You mean, uh, really doing it?
Charlie Flager Jr.: God's honest truth, Buck. I've seen it three times!

Myra Breckinridge: Gentlemen... I am Myron Breckinridge! Uncle Buck, your fag nephew became your niece two years ago in Copenhagen and is now free as a bird and happy in being the most extraordinary woman in the world!
Buck Loner: That's the ball game.

Buck Loner: Bitch! I should've put it to her when she first come in. Throwed her on her back and give her the old Buck Loner special, right there on the rug. Goddamn smart-mouthed broad!

Buck Loner: Corrupting our youth!
Charlie Flager Jr.: I've seen things, Buck, that would turn your stomach. It's not your basic naked women or the fornication. It's the fags, the dykes and every kind of perversion.

Buck Loner: I'm coming, Scarlett. I'm coming. I'm coming, Lana. I'm coming. Hooray for Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. Uncle Sam, here I c-o-o-o-o-o-m-e!