Peter Sellers credited as playing...
Robert Danvers
- Julia Halforde-Smythe: [in bed] Mmm, ahhh. You're wonderful.
- Robert Danvers: I know I am.
- Julia Halforde-Smythe: But, please, no more.
- Robert Danvers: My God, but you're lovely.
- [continues]
- Floor Waiter: Monsieur. Madame. And we all 'ope you'll have a penis - all your life.
- Robert Danvers: [waiter leaves, Marion gives Robert a puzzled look] They hope that you will have - *happiness* - all of your life.
- Wedding Guest in Blue Dress: It's such a joy to see someone with breeding on the television, instead, of those young savages with their banjos.
- Robert Danvers: Quite.
- Freddie, Wedding Guest: Tell me, do you have a proper job? I mean, when you're not doing this television stuff?
- Robert Danvers: I perform abortions. Didn't you know? Excuse me.
- Willie the Bridegroom: I must say, she's looking absolutely, eh...
- Robert Danvers: Yes, yes.
- Willie the Bridegroom: Yes. Yes. I mean, she's really quite, um...
- Robert Danvers: She is.
- Willie the Bridegroom: She is. Yes. What is the word? How would one put it?
- Robert Danvers: Lovely.
- Willie the Bridegroom: Yes! Yes, that's it. Lovely.
- Robert Danvers: [on the television in Robert's bedroom, while he's in bed with Julia Halforde-Smythe] So, having set ones taste buds bursting, we come to the main dish. A sort of shish kabob or skewered lamb. These are meticulously selected cuts impaled
- [demonstrating with his fingers]
- Robert Danvers: with onions and garlic flavor and turned over and over a bare flame until the meat sizzles and the juice is run out. For pudding or sweets or afters, I prefer the word pudding, myself, the banana surprise was - a masterpiece.
- Robert Danvers: You look stunning today, Clare. Immaculate. Like virgin snow.
- Clare, the bride: Do I?
- Robert Danvers: My God but you're lovely.
- [leans down to kiss Clare's neck]
- Clare, the bride: No, Robert.
- Robert Danvers: We had six glorious months. This is our last time.
- Clare, the bride: No. That's out.
- Robert Danvers: Isn't it better to end with a bang than a whimper?
- Clare, the bride: Someone may come in.
- Robert Danvers: I locked the door.
- Clare, the bride: You only want me for one thing.
- Robert Danvers: What a lovely thing.
- Julia Halforde-Smythe: Ahhh, Lady Heather was right. You are a rotter.
- Robert Danvers: [kissing his way up her bare belly] You have a delicious flavor.
- Clare, the bride: [knock at the door, while she's in bed with her former lover] Who is it?
- Lady Heather: [from the hallway] Do you need any help darling?
- Clare, the bride: No, Mommy, I can manage.
- Lady Heather: Well, don't forget the plane. Will you be long?
- Robert Danvers: [whispers to Clare] Tell her five minutes.
- Clare, the bride: [whispers back] My God, at least make it ten!
- Robert Danvers: What would you like to drink?
- Marion: What have you got?
- Robert Danvers: Well, there's Sherry, Brandy, Whiskey, Scotch and Rye, Kirs, Dubonnet, Campari, Slivovitz, Port, Vodka, Ouzo, Saki. Or, we could even be devils and split a bottle of the old champagne wine.
- Marion: Got any beer?
- Robert Danvers: There's some rubbing alcohol in the medicine cabinet, if you care for that.
- Marion: Scotch.
- Marion: [from Robert's bathroom] Hey, what are you, a weirdo or something?
- Robert Danvers: Why do you ask?
- Marion: All these mirrors.
- Robert Danvers: It amuses me.
- Marion: What's so amusing about staring at yourself on the throne?
- Robert Danvers: If I made a pass at you now, what would your reaction be?
- Marion: Oh, well, you want the results. before you place the bet! What do you reckon the odds are?
- Marion: You didn't bring me here to look at me.
- Robert Danvers: I was under the impression that you brought me.
- Marion: Oh, wow. Next, you'll be shouting rape.
- Robert Danvers: Oh, if you like, yes.
- Robert Danvers: Look, may I ask you a question without getting a question in reply?
- Marion: It depends.
- Marion: There's always a bit of yak about sex before the pass to get you in the mood.
- Robert Danvers: To get who in the mood?
- Marion: The girl. You're already in it.
- Robert Danvers: Why did you say just now that you wanted to keep one up on me a bit longer?
- Marion: Supply and demand, I suppose. I'm in demand and until I supply, I'm one up.
- Robert Danvers: And a bit longer?
- Marion: Well, the final result is never much in doubt, is it?
- Robert Danvers: Look, that's enough. You are most arrogant young idiot I've ever laid my eyes on. What's left of them. You imagine that if a woman even looks at you, it must be love. And that any man over 40, eh 34, I mean, 35, must be repellent.
- Jimmy: Well let's face it, chicks don't go out with old geezers like you for their lovely profiles, do they?
- Robert Danvers: I can beat you to any woman.
- Jimmy: You what?
- Robert Danvers: Yes. Any woman, any place, any time!