Torture Dungeon

It almost seems inconceivable in this day and age that someone would attempt the pomp and pageantry of a ye Olde England costume gore epic on a budget LESS than a cross-town ferry ride. And yet Torture Dungeon, the first film for producer William Mishkin's newly crowned Constitution Films, is filmic proof that Andy Milligan's audacity knew no bounds. Cue credits, the music - straight from a 40s Gary Cooper western - swells, and a procession of medieval misfits make their way down a deserted Staten Island beach, looking for all the world like a lost borstal passion play, carrying the coffin of the newly-dead king, beheaded in the film's opening by the prissy yet evil Duke of Norwich (`Jerremy Brooks'/Gerry Jacuzzo). The Duke, last in line to the throne and sterile to boot, hatches a plan to marry off the new king, who would plant the royal seed in the Queen's fertile soil. Once plowed, the Queen becomes the unwilling property of the Duke, and the remaining heirs are dispatched to their untimely deaths.

Hal Borske plays the new king strictly for cheap laughs: he's a bumbling half-wit in a blonde pageboy frightwig who eats bugs on all fours and shows more interest in nailing his plate of chicken than his new queen. His on-screen presence is cut short soon after the `conception' scene, and he gets the obligatory stake to the heart. Blood erupts like tomato soup, exit Hal. And in every one of the death scenes from Torture Dungeon, Andy's camera careers around and plummets to the ground as if it was dropped from a Staten Island ferris wheel. There's even a script direction for this: `Swirl Camera'. Now stick that one in the text books.

Unlike The Ghastly Ones, where the gore comes thick and fast, Torture Dungeon spaces its bloodshed, which leaves wide open spaces in the script for Andy's manic exposition. One scene plays like a psychedelic sex hygiene film of the 50s and features a crazed old harridan (a member of Andy's theatrical troupe?) preparing the new queen for her wifely duties while floating around the room on PCP. The Sadean Duke endlessly waxes lyrical about his personal philosophy, declaring himself `not a heterosexual, not homosexual, not asexual - I'm trisexual. I'll TRY anything.' An old chestnut, I know, but from the mouths of Milligan's characters it takes on a new sinister tone. In another memorable scene the depraved duke is caught in bed with a hunchback, unloved and beaten as a child and corrupted by the uncaring world and now the Duke's assassin and willing love slave. So, he says to his wife with a perverse sneer - ever heard of a menage a trois?

With the exception of the garish costumes (an area Andy always excelled at), the production is threadbare at every turn. The torture chamber itself looks like my Brisbane city basement, for chrissakes, and the effect of the evil Duke swinging a chain sounds suspiciously like Andy on a microphone going `Whoosh! Whoosh!' Voices veer wildly from the fruity and over-theatrical Jacuzzo to the flat Noo York drawl from the mouths of some suitably plague-scarred bookies and old Mafia types in Beatles wigs, uttering lines like `the dook of Nor-witch' with deadpan conviction. Local color, but wrong locality. And I think I spotted a Ramone or two in the funeral procession.

Power hungry sexual deviant Norman, Duke of Norwich (Gerald Jacuzzo), plots to become king of England by killing those ahead of him in line for the throne.

In my experience, Andy Milligan's movies are, without exception, virtually unwatchable z-grade garbage, but I can't help but feel a little admiration for the director, who soldiered on despite the fact that his ambition clearly exceeded his talent and budget. Take Torture Dungeon for example, a period piece set in medieval England, when knights were bold and maidens fair, and no-one with a moustache could be trusted: that's not an easy undertaking for an amateur Staten Island-based film-maker with minimal resources.

Rather unsurprisingly, Milligan fails spectacularly on almost every level. The costumes are cheap, the location work is terrible (in one scene set on a beach we can see a power boat on the water and a woman holding a handbag wanders into view, while another scene takes place in a greenhouse), the gore effects are risible, the dialogue is stilted, and the cast cannot disguise their Noo Yoik roots (Norwich is pronounced Nor-witch). Unfortunately, as is often the case with Milligan's work, the result isn't a hugely entertaining crapfest, but rather a crushing monotonous bore, the wooden performances and dreadful pace resulting in extreme tedium.

2/10 for the frequent nudity (mostly from Susan Cassidy in an ill-fitting red dress) and the laughable attempts at splatter (a really crap beheading, some deaths by pitchfork, and assorted stabbings).

In your reviewer's humble opinion, schlock director Andy Milligan's most entertaining film. Plotless jumble about a power struggle for the throne of England, this has double-crosses, torture, murder, hippie-dippie Renaissance costumes and an abandoned greenhouse for the main set!

Check out this immortal dialogue from the evil prince: "I am not a heterosexual, I am not a homosexual, I am not a bisexual, I am a trisexual -- I will try anything sexual!" This before a hot three-way with a maid and hunchback.

This film is worth seeing for Magda the Marriage Counselor alone.

Another of Andy Milligan's endearingly disjointed period-piece horror films...if you've been subjected to any of his other projects, then you pretty much know what's in store. If, however, you're among the uninitiated...well...there's honestly nothing that can possibly prepare you for that particular rite of passage.

As is the case with all things Milligan, TORTURE DUNGEON is entirely obstinate toward every orthodox countenance of filmmaking procedure. Contributing to its off-center allure is a creatively impetuous, Scheherazadian spiel of medieval treachery and lust for power. You just know that a movie's storyline has been slapped around by Andy Milligan when it incorporates gay hunchback love, one-eyed hags, stilted Olde English dialog, and gratuitous pitchfork gore. Plus, being the joke-of-all-trades that he was, Milligan also gave personal appointment to the wardrobe department, resulting in the film's unique visual flair which may be best described as polyacrylic Renfaire psychosis.

Is there anything not to like about this? 11/10

Torture Dungeon (1970)

1/2 (out of 4)

Set in England where the Duke of Norwich (Jerremy Brooks) plans to kill off anyone who stands in his way of getting the crown. Him and his demented family begin a killing spree to help him reach the top.

TORTURE DUNGEON is yet another film from the cult figure Andy Milligan and it's another awful one. You know, as I go through Milligan's films it's easy to look at them and wonder just what he was thinking. I mean, here's another period piece that is 99% melodrama with a screenplay that requires everyone to talk non-stop. I mean, who exactly was going to line up and watch this back in 1970? You have to wonder how much money these movies actually made when they were released.

This film here once again features a lot of dialogue as the characters are constantly discussing what they're doing or what they're going to do. It should go without saying that the dialogue is downright boring but what's even worse is the fact that the entire thing is just incoherent and doesn't make a bit of sense. The strange thing is that a lot of the cast members are actually good and manage to deliver good performances throughout the awfulness of the picture. This film also offers up a bit more blood and nudity that most of Milligan's work.

Still, TORTURE DUNGEON lives up to its title with it being "torture" to get through it.