Ron Moody credited as playing...
Vorobyaninov
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why are you after my chair?
- Father Fyodor: It's not yours.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Then whose is it?
- Father Fyodor: It's nationalized property. It belongs to the workers!
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Did you said the workers?
- Father Fyodor: Yes, the workers.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Maybe the holy father is a member of the communist party.
- Father Fyodor: Maybe.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: But the party is for atheists. How can a priest join the party?
- Father Fyodor: The church must keep up with the times.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Where are you going?
- Ostap Bender: Ah, the eternal question: "Quo Vadis"? Well, if you must know, I am vadissing off to gossip with the secret police.
- Ostap Bender: Now, maybe if you weren't such a selfish pig, we could do business.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: I can't!
- Ostap Bender: I'm going.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Wait!
- Ostap Bender: Why?
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Lets talk.
- Ostap Bender: About what?
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Things...
- Ostap Bender: What things?
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: I don't know, situations...
- Ostap Bender: I am going...
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Wait!
- Ostap Bender: Why?
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Lets talk.
- Ostap Bender: About what?
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: It.
- Ostap Bender: What's 'it'?
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: You know...
- Ostap Bender: I know what?
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: What we're talking about.
- Ostap Bender: We're talking about nothing, I'm going.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: You mustn't.
- Ostap Bender: I must.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why?
- Ostap Bender: The reward!
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: What reward?
- Ostap Bender: For turning you in.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Wait!
- Ostap Bender: Why?
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [desperate] We'll talk.
- Ostap Bender: [shouting] About what?
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [shouting also] About the diamonds! The diamonds! The diamonds...
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [trying to remember his lines] I am cousin Michael from Kiev. All the Vorobyaninovs are dead.
- [He knocks on the door]
- Worker at Old Ladies Home: [answering the door] Yes?
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: I am cousin Kiev from Vorobyaninov. All the Michaels are dead.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [screaming at his dying mother-in-law for hiding her jewels in a chair] Fifty thousand roubles worth of jewelry stuffed in a chair? Heaven knows who may sit on that chair... *if* it's still a chair!
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [They've torn one of chairs to pieces when Vorobyaninov realizes] How did you find out about the jewels?
- Father Fyodor: [pause, then] People talk.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why, you disgusting creature! You used the sacred sacrement of confession to further your own ends!
- Father Fyodor: Not really.
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Well, you are just about the most contemptible creature it has even been my misfortune to meet! You're not worth spitting on!
- Father Fyodor: Well, you are!
- [He spits on Vorobyaninov]
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [upon learning that his mother-in-law is dying] Bozhe moi, that poor woman! That poor woman! Who is going to care of me?
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [Father Fyodor is on the top of a mountain, ripping a chair apart] It's very quiet... what do you supposed he's doing? Do you think he found the jewels?
- Ostap Bender: In a moment, the jury will bring in a verdict.
- [They wait]
- Father Fyodor: Oh Lord, you're so strict!
- Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [referring to Father Fyodor's being in drag and trying to steal one of the chairs] This is disgusting!