Victor Spinetti credited as playing...
Duke d'Escargot
- Duke d'Escargot: What brings you to Paris?
- Claude: Oh, you might say a little business...
- Charles: ...and a little pleasure.
- Duke d'Escargot: Which do you prefer? Business, or pleasure?
- Charles: Well that depends on what you regard as business.
- Claude: And, what you may regard as pleasure!
- Duke d'Escargot: In Paris we say, business is pleasure.
- Charles: And to us, pleasure is our business.
- Duke d'Escargot: Then your business should be a pleasure, making my pleasure a business.
- Claude: Unless, some mistake business for pleasure. While others know no business but pleasure.
- Duke d'Escargot: In that case sir I will show you my business.
- Claude: My pleasure.
- Duke d'Escargot: I warn you gentlemen, I am not to be trifled with. To pull the tail of a lion is to open the mouth of trouble and reveal the teeth of vengeance biting the tongue of deceit.
- Duke d'Escargot: The brains of a chicken coupled with the claws of two eagles may well hatch the eggs of our destruction.
- Duke d'Escargot: Since destiny rides in our scabbard, it appears that our pregnant blades must be aborted.
- Duke d'Escargot: I'm delighted to see you all stuffing yourselves while France has cramps from the tyranny of its own indigestion.
- Duke d'Escargot: I shall deliver this note to the de Sisis myself and in turn deliver the de Sisis to us.
- Queen Marie: Excellent. Make haste, d'Escargot.
- Duke d'Escargot: I go with God.
- Queen Marie: Go with whomever you please, just take your horse.
- Duke d'Escargot: [mistaking Claude for Philippe de Sisis] I must complement you on your appearance. So charmingly obscene. So vile. So filthy. So disgusting.
- Philippe: Thank you.
- Duke d'Escargot: You've achieved a rare vulgarity in peasantry.
- Duke d'Escargot: The peasants are preparing an open revolt.
- King Louis: Oh! Oh, oh, get my army, please. Sound my soldiers! Get my army!
- Duke d'Escargot: Louis, how many times do I have to tell you, your army is in the field pillaging the rest of Europe.