Eric Idle credited as playing...
Prosecutor • Marriage Counselor • Arthur Nudge • Self-defence student #4 (interested in pointed sticks) • 'Hell's Grannies' analyst • Arthur Wilson • Arthur Wilson Two • Nightclub Emcee • Linkman • First General • Restaurant Manager • Lingerie Shop Owner • Accountant #1 (falling past the window) • Fairy Godmother • Rita Fairbanks • Simon Zinc Trumpet Harris • Mountie • Lady With Cookbook
- Self-Defense teacher: Now, it's quite simple to deal with a banana fiend. First, you force him to drop the banana. Then, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him helpless!
- Self-Defense student #2: Suppose he's got a bunch?
- Self-Defense teacher: SHUT UP!
- Self-Defense student #4: Suppose he's got a pointed stick?
- Self-Defense teacher: ...SHUT UP!
- Worker 1: [man falls past window] Did you see that?
- Worker 2: Hmm?
- Worker 1: Somebody just went past that window, downwards!
- Worker 2: Oh.
- Worker 1: [imitating Worker 2] Oh!
- [another man falls]
- Worker 1: Another one!
- Worker 2: Hmm?
- Worker 1: Two people have just fallen past that window!
- Worker 2: Oh.
- Worker 1: Look, two people
- [another man falls]
- Worker 1: , three people have just fallen past that window!
- Worker 2: Must be a board meeting.
- Worker 1: Oh, yeah.
- [another man falls]
- Worker 1: That was Wilkins, of finance.
- Worker 2: No, that was Robertson.
- Worker 1: Wilkins!
- Worker 2: It was Robertson!
- Worker 1: [another man falls] That was Wilkins.
- Worker 2: Oh, yeah.
- Worker 1: Be Parkinson next.
- Worker 2: I bet you it won't.
- Worker 1: How much? How much do you bet it won't? Fiver? Right. Done. You're on. Parkinson next. Come on, Parky!
- Worker 2: Don't be silly, Parky.
- Worker 1: Come on, Parkinson!
- Worker 2: Don't be stupid, man!
- Worker 1: Come on, man, jump!
- Voice: [reading a letter] Dear sir, I would like to complain about that last scene about people falling off tall buildings. I myself have worked all my life in such a building,
- [resumes writing]
- Voice: and... have... never... once... AAHHHH!
- [he falls off]
- Emcee: Thank you, thank you, Conrad Poohs and his exploding teeth! A smile, two fangs, and an "excuse me!"